This holiday we were going to go to Mexico because of a misunderstanding between my mother and I (I apparently led folks to believe that I wanted to have Christmas love-in with my dad/stepmother and my mom *I know, wtf* when instead I was hypothesizing that the two parties would have to figure something out when Kyle and I decide to have kids and stay put for a holiday) and a drunk "Hey let's go to Mexico!" on a Jason Mraz tour bus. Unfortunately, last minute trips are kind of expensive, but not too expensive that we couldn't do it, so we made some sacrifices, pushed back some things we wanted to get for the house, and decided to go for it. Except, when traveling on the holidays, hotels like for you to stay for at least 5 nights. Well, we were going for 4. BUT my cousin would be going for a week so maybe we could get a suite. Maybe we could all stay together. That wasn't going to work either. It wasn't for lack of trying, but we just couldn't all find something we could agree on.
SO. For the holidays. K and I will be in the NB/SA area, probably taking my grandmother out for dinner because she doesn't want us to have to cook. Fine with me. We'll also be hanging out with my dad and stepmom, and probably renting a U-Haul of sorts to get a piano, cedar chest with our china and other goodies from around San Antonio (my sister's dad is moving and left us with some sweet art-deco-ey chairs. I haven't seen 'em yet but he's an architect and has fantastic taste so it's not like I'm going to say no) for our house.
All this has made me think about what are the traditions from my childhood that I hold very dearly to that I will defend for my whole life? Well, I know some people don't like it but my abuela's mac and cheese is unmatched by anyone in the universe, so having that is ideal, but I don't know that I'm going to get it this year unless I make it. Then there's the opening of one present if we happen to make it to midnight on Christmas Eve (tequila shot optional). The one thing that I feel very, VERY strongly about is that I will find some tamales and coffee so we can have them on Christmas morning. No matter what we had going on that year, I would wake up to presents from Santa under the tree as the smell of tamales baking and fresh coffee brewing mingled with Christmas magic and lights. I didn't yet have the taste for coffee, but I distinctly remember all the adults watching me open presents, eating tamales, then everyone crowding around and opening presents together.
There are other visions and smells from the holidays that I will never get back - my grandfathers sitting on the couch watching football, my mom and dad cooking together, making bread in the big white breadmaker, my dad's huge hands spreading mayo on the turkey as I peered over the counter from my tiptoes, everyone sitting around the big table in the dining room. Garrison Keillor during a Prairie Home Companion last year talked about how no matter how rebellious the kids are, the holiday traditions are what keep them grounded because by golly if the green beans aren't done with the same amount of crunch they have always had, these kids with the dark eyeliner, black hair and angsty aura will birth a chicken.
I think I am still in the process of mourning those and the loss of those, and I think which is why I hang on so crazily to the tamales and coffee. In fact, when my mom came to St. Louis a couple years back she brought a ton of tamales and we had them every morning leading up to and on Christmas day. It is so awesome to wake up in the morning to a cozy house in the early morning hours to the smell of tamales and coffee. Thankfully, when my sister started hosting Christmases at her house, she brought the tradition back at a time when I could participate as an adult, so it's also one of those rite of passages thing, like when we were playing Santa for Katrina and taking the bites out of the cookies...it was surreal to be on the other side of the magic.
I forgot to add this earlier but, it would probably also explain why I would jump up and down, giggle, and clap at odd intervals while Kyle was putting lights up on the house, why I didn't mind wrestling with the prickly bushes to get the multicolored net lights on them, why I didn't complain about putting up all the ornaments on the tree (Kyle was smart and did the lights for me...doesn't matter how nostalgic I am, I still hate that dang part). He would look at me like I was a crazy person and I would yell, "SHUT UP! THIS IS PROGRESS!" Progress in the same way that I was a complete Scrooge and all anxious about spending our first Christmas in St. Louis...something that started melting when all the aunts came outside and sang us "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" when we pulled into the drive.
What holiday stuff is important to you? Do you think about the holidays differently now that you're an adult?
5 comments:
I think about this all of the time. Christmas for me is such a hodge podge of silly things that as a 26 year old adult, I still can't live without. It's piling in the car about a week before christmas (dogs and all) with blankets and hot choclate to drive around and look at all the Christmas Lights. It's my hometown Christmas Parade. It's seafood on Christmas Eve in my mom's dining room all decorated and then sitting around the tree afterwards getting to open one present that night (usually a gift my sisters and I have gotten each other). Christmas morning it's the Frank Sinatra Christmas CD... that first track you hear the jingle bells and hear ole blue eyes sing about how he loves those J-I-N-G-L-E Bells." It's my dad's adorable attempt to leave one special present each year to be found way after all the other presents are open. Usually some sort of gift for the entire family, or the year it was my brand new shiny trumpet.
Luckily, those are all still things I participate in because I still live so close to my family. There are other things that I miss no longer getting to do... decorating the tree the weekend after Thanksgiving, watching Christmas in Connecticut and White Christmas, waking up in my parents house on Christmas morning and opening presents in our PJs (now we show up fully dressed). I get very nostalgic, but I also get so excited about the new things Clint and I get to do as we begin our family (which currently only exists as fur kids). I was so unbelievably excited about putting lights up this year on our house and our tree all decorated with Clint and Joanna stockings hanging on the fireplace. I can't wait for the day we have children and get to start Christmas traditions with them in our home, ones that hopefully they will still love and miss when they are 26 :)
Sorry for the long comment, it was just an interesting topic!
I didn't realize how big of a deal the tradition and family thing are for me until last Christmas when I woke up in a hotel on Christmas morning. I had woken up in the same house for the 26 Christmases before it, and so that was a huge blow to me. I can't imagine all the internal turmoil one feels when you hit adultness and everything is scattered to the wind. I mean, my soph year at UT was the first year I didn't have grandparents for Christmas.
Maybe its just another one of those not so fun things about growing up...
I love you. That's all I can say through the tears.
Oh ok. New Pajamas on Christmas eve. Michael's are in the wash right now. I know it seems silly, but it's something. OK. Crying again...
New PJ's on Christmas Eve, singing Happy BIrthday to Jesus, listening to The Night Before Christmas and The Christmas story from my dad, sleeping in the same room as my siblings Christmas Eve, opening one present Christmas Eve, and all the new ones we plan to start with Caroline!
It is TOTALLY different now that we have a bebe! I am clinging to my childhood memories and praying that Caroline feels the same way about our Christmases!
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