Afterword

After the birth of our second, everything changed. All of it. I was most worried that I wouldn't have enough love in my heart for everyone. Baloney. It overwhelms me at times. Everything isn't sunshine and rainbows every second of the day - the transition from one to two was HARD.

IS hard. And then you turn around and realize your relationship with your significant other is also different so you have to figure that out again too, amidst the regression of the things and the mess of a house and ALL THE NOT SLEEPING. At the very least, the not sleeping the second time around is totally expected and therefore not so much rage-filled. Maybe just a little ragey. A cute little rage monster. The thing that I struggle with the most, because I am quite a distracted individual at baseline, is how to be fully present with A while in this crazy storm of life with the little one. Even three months into this things have settled down a little, but she tells me she wants "just girl dates. No boys. No daddy, no little bro." and I have to figure out how to do that without jumping up to clean/email/text/whatever.

This I think will be the struggle of the millennial generation - finding meaningful connection via technology and knowing when to put that aside, sit on the floor and look your kid square in the face and say, "I'm here. Let's play." Hands Free Mama is a good place to start...although I'm reading it on a tablet and that feels wrong...and I think that it also has wisdom for people without kids. I also am enjoying Notes from a Blue Bike and The Art of Simple by Tsh Oxenreider. Simplifying, being present, and living life in this age of consumerism and more-more-more-all-the-everything are all inextricably linked. I wish I had a BLAM! one-size-fits-all fix for this, some prescriptive thing I could read or checklist or whatever but I don't. It's lots of little checklists and no's and conversations about how this or that makes someone feel and whether this THING makes you happy or your life better or what someone wants their life to be like, what they want their kids to remember.

All the big questions and the small questions at the same time. It's kind of a rollercoaster.

I know as a perfectionist yet fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants person that I can beat myself up about missed opportunities or things I could have done differently...currently I am evaluating my craft room, throwing actual DAILY BAGS OF TRASH from there and wondering why the hell I accumulated so much worthless stuff...things that I would "eventually get around to" that eventually just amounted to jumble in my brain and guilt for not having or making the time for the (SEEMINGLY) important but what turned out to be (ACTUALLY) unimportant...eesh.

So yeah, that's the reason for the blog redesign. As a family we're fumbling our way toward an unhurried, intentional, adventurous life.

Is it weird that I say "here's where I document all this unplugged-ness on a blog." ? Yeah probably.

hospitality and contemplation

This past weekend I had the opportunity to first drive down to NB to see my brand new niece and take the fledgling family dinner. I stayed with a dear friend and the next day drove to Austin for a women's conference called IF:Gathering and stayed with Austinites. I had the best time, and was struck over and over again by the hospitality of my friends. Both houses I stayed in, these are folks I have known at least a decade or more, and man. They know how to host a guest. I am so thankful.

I walked away inspired by both women immensely. At the first house, I quizzed her on her morning routine (she gets up at 5am! I wish I had that kind of discipline!) to drink coffee, eat an apple and some peanut butter, watch the news, gather her thoughts. She explained all this while stirring extra salt into her crunchy peanut butter. I have never lived by myself, but from this brief overnight started thinking that even though I don't live by myself now, I can still have routines and order just because that is who I want to be and how I want to live. Kind of like, living independently while living in community, if that makes sense. It is something that is difficult to do while trying to run a house and take care of two other people but I think maybe cultivating some practices that are just my own - ie: doing the dishes because I like a clean slate before starting a project/meal, and not because I am obligated to the other people in my house to do it - will help me retain my me-ness in this season. 

I am intoxicated by the thought of a morning to myself. A quiet, pre-breakfast snack, tea-filled time of contemplation, journaling, and whatever I want, before the day gets rowdy and hectic. Because oh man. Until about the end of March, life is full to the brim with things that have to get done, and life with a toddler and husband and being pregnant...hectic. rowdy. I just have to start putting myself to bed at 9:30 to make this happen. It's worth a shot.

The second house I stayed at I felt such freedom to find rest and be nourished. This friend moved recently from Dallas back to her house in Austin and I realized that I had never actually stayed at her house in our near decade of friendship because we had always lived close by each other. The first morning there, she made me this bowl of greatness for me that I have to share: 

Quinoa Love Bowl: The only things that are essential here are some quinoa and a fried egg. Everything else is optional, so feel free to riff on it. The original one made by my friend had quinoa, egg, turkey sausage, and avocado. This morning's variation features avocado, tomatoes, and parmesan cheese. Think seasonal and delicious when creating yours. I know that tomatoes aren't in season right now but Whole Foods tricked me into buying local heirloom ones that I thought were ready, but they're not. Still a little too crunchy...and I was too hungry to wilt them in a hot pan before eating. We have some pickled beets in the fridge and right now I'm dreaming of one with pickled beets, goat cheese, and wilted kale. 

Let me know what your favorite morning or evening routines are. I am inherently a person who loathes routine, but lately find myself craving the development of little regular oases...anchors in the storm of life.

About to get a little cray cray up in here

I got a job! Or rather, a job got me. I wasn't even looking and got a phone call from a hospital wanting a music therapist for their adult cancer patients. I'm thrilled, excited, and so, so nervous! The best part is that the schedule fits in beautifully with the rhythm of our little family and I'll be home most days of the week with my nugget...who referred to herself as "the nugget" the other day, and has started saying things like, "actually..." and "I don't believe you!"

This weekend I hung out in San Antonio with family to get a few things in order. My grandmother is getting up there in age and everyone is scrambling to support each other, so my sister and I went to help out just the two of us. Our visit was a HUGE success - we had time to hang out with abuela, our mom, her dad, our brother, aunt and uncle, and best of all, spent 10 hours in the car together! We haven't been able to bond like that in quite some time. It was awesome. I missed being at home with my little family but not having to chase a husband and toddler meant that I could be fully present to the situation that presented itself and really get to dig in. 

As we were leaving this morning I was reminded of Ghandi's encouragement to "be the change you wish to see in the world," and it dawned on me in my groggy half-awakeness that sometimes that means to just show up. BE there. And then watch some crazy profound magic happen.

Happy weekend!

weekend away

I love surprises. 

I love getting them and springing them on people. 

I love thinking of just the right thing for just the right time in a person's life to surprise them with.

This past Friday I told my hubs that we had dinner reservations, and he had to get home at 6:30. He came in rather frazzled at 6:45 and off we went just 30 miles away to McKinney. When we pulled up to a big, old, victorian-style house that said "B&B" out front, he got suspicious.  "Uhhh...what are we doing?" 

"SPENDING THE NIGHT SURPRISE!"

I had called my mom the week before to babysit our sweet nugget while I kidnapped my hubs for a night, finding a B&B in a nearby small town. He has been working crazy long hours for the past month, to the point that we hadn't really been seeing each other and it was all kinds of time to reconnect and do what we love to do - explore, eat great food, and wander a new place.

So Friday night after his shock wore off we headed to the town square where we wandered in and out of antique shops and listened to local musicians. As it got closer to dinnertime, we checked out the McKinney Wine Merchant, as our dinner reservations were at Gregory's Bistro, which was BYOB. Y'all. The food was completely amazing. We had mussels to start - lemon, jalepeno mussels. K ordered the sirloin, and I ordered scallops. Both came with white truffle mashed potatoes, and I had some grilled asparagus on the side. Bliss, people. Gregory is legit - he was born in France and has been cooking like crazy his whole life. I am glad he ended up in Texas, because he is a genius, and our food was absolutely incredible. Afterward, we went around the corner for some gelato and then headed back to the B&B. 

The next morning, since we are parents now and cannot physically sleep in, we hopped in the hot tub on our porch before breakfast, which I'm pretty sure is the best way to start any morning, ever. Our hosts fed us pecan waffles and fruit and then we were off to the Franconia Brewery. The tour was really informative (to me, at least - the hubs has been known to brew some beers). I learned a lot about what it means to sustainably brew, and I have a lot of respect for what Franconia is doing: adhering to the German brewing purity laws, not bottling until they can work out a system of reusing their bottles like they do in Europe, and in general putting out some tasty beverages. We sat with a lovely English couple, making jokes in the warm early afternoon sun, then made our way home.

We had a fabulous, much needed relaxing weekend. Hopefully this will be a new tradition for us, exploring the small towns around Texas.

Lady Jane

Once upon a time I lived in Spain and then London for a summer. It was in the English countryside that we came upon this cute little town where I bought a pink shirt with white flowers on it.

Well, I am long-waisted and the shirt was very short-waisted (hence the white tank underneath), and then every time I washed the shirt I had to iron the flowers down. Needless to say it didn't last very long in my wardrobe rotation. I saved the flowers though, for just such an occassion, and every time I see them I am rocketed right back to that English summer and my wonderful housemates Jane & Jim.

This is the first official item that is going up on my Etsy shop! Hooray!

Eat, Pray, Love

watching the movie = getting the itch for overseas

and for my own pizza/jug in a small tavern a'la 1997

grrrrr

I have been a super cranky pants lately, and considering I passed out at 7pm last night, I'm going to go ahead and admit that I just flat need more sleep. I want to be more giddy about this whole life-creating thing going on, but right now it seems to take waaaay more effort than I can spare. Ugh, I sould like Eeyore! This weekend we're going to Austin...perhaps I can score an end-of-summer sno cone to make it all better :)

4 years :)

Just taking a moment to appreciate the way the last 5 years has totally rocked my world:

2005 Engagement Trip to Alaska

2006 Wedding

2007 First Anniversary in Connecticut

2008 Fixing up the new house

2009 in Breckenridge, Colorado

2010 East Coast of Oahu

Happy 4 Years, Love! I'm excited to be diving into this next adventure with you by my side.

there's no need to complicate

Hey I'm back! That month off was a much needed vacay to recharge the creative juices. I did a lot of thinking about what I wanted my blog to be about and it came down to really three big things for me: gardening, cooking, and the work I do. The smaller bits of life including travel, working out, general style and artsy things are also going to be in there but keeping a main focus will help organize my thoughts and intentions.

gardening

Well, it's Winter, and everything is dead. I have decided that growing tomatoes and peppers in the back yard just isn't doing it for me - there is just not enough sunlight back there to get a good crop of anything that requires that much sunlight. Therefore, this year I'm going to focus on creating a really spectacular herb and flower garden in the back, get the shade garden going really well, and work on my little therapy nook. I am going to also work on really educating myself about where I live, the plants that thrive here, and the soil. Thankfully there's a really amazing garden center here that has all kinds of fabulous classes. For example, this Thursday I'm going to learn about the ins and outs of Spring vegetable gardening, and keep working on the hubs as to the overabundance of sunshine in our front yard and how we can maximize that in the form of fabulous vegetables.

cooking

I know, I know - everyone's got a blog and everyone posts their recipes. Well, whether you believe in making resolutions at the New Year or not (I happen to be a huge fan) I decided that this year, January 1st would be the kickoff to a Vegan 2010 initiative. As it turns out, I also got a really horrible stomach virus at about 11pm December 31st which led to me tossing my cookies over and over and over to ring in the New Year, which, if you know me was devastating because I LOVE New Year's. Love it. I was so bummed out.

On the bright side though, there's nothing like a massive purge to get one thinking about exactly what goes into one's body. Being sick made it ridiculously easy to jump on into veganism, mostly because I was eating nothing but vegetable broth for 3 days straight. I say "easy to jump" when it's not like I've spent the better part of about 6 years playing with the idea and the practice of vegetarianism. So you know, everyone goes at their own pace. If you're interested in why I think I'll be eating mostly vegetables for awhile, check out Fast Food Nation, Skinny Bitch, The Omnivore's Dilemma, The Jungle, and The China Study. Then watch Supersize Me and Food, Inc. If the information in those books and films doesn't scare you running into a local farmer's patch of brussel sprouts, I don't know what will. I'm not a militant animal rights activist by any means, but if you see what those animals are put through and the diseases they carry before they get chopped up and shipped to the grocery store...it's not a system that I am willing to be on the receiving end of.

I am currently reading and following Natalia Rose's Raw Food Detox Diet. It's got lots of interesting information regarding food combining and takes a running start at veganism instead of doing the all-or-nothing approach. I borrowed a juicer from a friend this week and have been drinking green lemonade every morning and LOVE how my body feels. I'm not a person who will keep doing something if it doesn't feel good, and I definitely feel super clean on the inside.

Also in the way of cooking vegan, I have been disappointed with many vegan cookbooks and the requirement to buy and cook with all kinds of strange things. I mean, I'm up for checking out quinoa and seitan (um, why do I want to eat straight up gluten if so many people in the country are gluten intolerant and have no idea?) and all that but I'm also terrifically lazy and want to eat stuff that I know is going to taste great. To that end, I've started digging around in the 50 million cookbooks we already have to find good vegetarian/vegan recipes. Last week I made some incredible vegan southern food including a pilaf with mushrooms, okra and tomatoes, and braised carrots with terragon. When I get back from Hawaii I'm going to post the recipes and pictures.

travel

Yep, we're going to Hawaii! Our dear friends Leslie and John are getting married and we get to leave on my birthday (this Friday)! There are worse ways to spend a birthday than on a flight to paradise.

work
The biggest thing that's happened lately regarding the big three is that I have a new job! It's a long story, but I can definitely see God's hands all over this thing regarding how it all came about. 

So yeah - woohoo new year and new focus!

Austin fabulousness

My trip to Austin can be summed up in one word: educational. Not only because I went to check out a prospective internship site and learned way more about myself professionally and even music therapy than I had anticipated, but because in general I learned things about myself, the people around me, and even the city of Austin. I felt more at home this time around. I'm not sure "at home" is the right term, it can only be described like how I feel when it's cold outside and I take a drink of warm tea. I met up with some friends for a happy hour and it was like reuniting with family. When we went dancing later that night I recognized dancers from my freshman year of college who would be there every Wednesday at Antone's. Hopefully one day I'll have that same sense of community here in Dallas.

I somehow managed to see nearly everyone I wanted to see without kicking my own ass, which is generally what happens with all the running around I usually do. I found it easier to say no in order to maintain my sanity and to stay true to myself. It felt awesome to do something nice for myself on my own time, including wandering around South Congress and dipping into the local artisan shops. I could live down there. I think the vitality of that little stretch of road really reflects the soul of the city. Even the waiters and waitresses were friendlier than anywhere else I've lived. Except maybe New Braunfels. Jeez.

Saturday was probably the perfect day - I woke up at my friends' apartment in the hills overlooking the Austin hill country, drove to my cousin's house to relax, and then took a walk with my best friend Haley at Town Lake. After the walk, we drove to South Congress to enjoy some pizza at Home Slice, an establishment I HIGHLY recommend, along with the pizza margherita. I then attended a beautiful SAI baby shower for two dear sisters who are both soon having boys!

Now I am back home, catching up on schoolwork and looking forward to the weeks and months ahead, which will be chock-full of thesis stuff, internship, and a new house! Hooray for growing up!

babies

So I officially know FOUR couples who are having babies this year, one of them is my ex boyfriend and his wife - totally crazy.

I am leaving for Austin tomorrow to check out a prospective internship site and go to an SAI baby shower for two of my sisterly friends :o) I am packing up tonight and getting out of town at 9:30 tomorrow morning after my first class. The last week has been sort of rough, and even though Kyle's not going with me to Austin, this weekend is much much MUCH needed. I feel like I should make a short list:

Why I Love Austin (in no particular order)
1. Zilker Park
2. Good radio stations
3. Trudy's
4. Z Tejas
5. Shopping on South Congress
6. Trees and grass and sometimes wildflowers on the highways
7. 15 minutes to get anywhere
8. Proximity of friends and family
9. Live music
10. Waterloo
11. Absence of pretension

Not that I hate Dallas - here's a (shorter) list of why I tolerate Dallas:
1. DMA Latenight
2. Proximity of family and friends
3. Dallas Farmer's Market

That's all I've got for now - the guy next to me totally stinks so I've gotta get out of this coffee house.