mellifluous: June 2010

6.26.2010

hey baby hey baby hey

Kyle felt the nugget move for the first time today :) The end.

6.22.2010

total preg-out moment, round dos.

Maybe I'm just weird, maybe it's because I've got a lot going on, but I used to get a little frustrated when people are all "OMG ARE YOU SO EXCITED TO BE PREGNANT?!" I felt guilty for so long because my honest answer was a big fat NO. Mostly because I felt gross at the time, had no clue what I was doing, and was scared out of my wits. I also had all these things I wanted to do before I got pregnant.

The biggest one being this: I assumed that I would have a job for a while and then quit it because I didn't want to put my kids in daycare and have someone else raise my children. Well, we all know how that worked out. I honestly never thought I'd get the job of my dreams at 27. I thought it was going to happen in like, 10 years. I'm still reconciling the thought of childcare (which is why I'm just now starting to look into it) and being okay with not feeling bad about how hard I've worked and the blessings that have been tossed my way that got me where I am.

I've had complete crying freak-outs over the silliest things...like the time it was too hot out and I couldn't go to a concert with my friends because I nearly got heat stroke from walking around the block that morning. I literally sobbed on the couch in Kyle's arms and wailed, "I just want my life back! I want to know how to feel better!" Or my personal favorite "What am I supposed to do when the baby cries? What if it's hungry AND poopy? Do we change the diaper first then feed it or the other way around?" (note: I have since had it on good authority that nobody, no matter what age they are, likes to eat while sitting in their own stuff.)

And then I think, "what is WRONG WITH ME?" I know of several people who are probably reading this and wanting to punch me in the face because they want to be pregnant, or have a hard time getting there and think that this all sounds really selfish and ungrateful of me. For that I apologize. I really do think that my hormones are a little off and my serotonin (ie: my happy brain juice) is whacked out.

I do have to say though, that I get excited in bursts. There was the time when I was dyeing the onesies for my friend, and then I did some music therapy with a teeny tiny baby that involved singing and rocking and infant massage and my brain flashed forward to 5 months from now and I got all verklempt.

Hands down the most embarrassing thing that's happened is after work last week Kesha's "Your Love Is My Drug" came on the radio and y'all. I was IN. TEARS.

Here are some pertinent snippets:

My friends think I've gone crazy

My judgement's gone a little hazy

I don't care what people say

The rush is worth the price I pay

What you've got is hard to find

I think about (you) all the time

I'm all strung out my heart is fried

I just can't get you off my mind

(I think you know the chorus)

Jeez - I'm getting weepy just thinking about it. Am I lame or WHAT?

6.13.2010

Rumblings

So in baby news, we're 18 weeks along, or 4.5 months. This weekend we celebrated our anniversary by traipsing off to the North Texas hill country beauty that is Possum Kingdom and did a lot of swimming, reading, and sleeping. A lot. We were both in dire need of some mindless lake-staring :)

People have been asking if I can feel the baby move yet, and I've replied that it feels every once in a while like there's a goldfish flopping around in my uterus. This weekend though, as I laid to read on my stomach in the sand, and then again this morning while I was trying to go BACK to sleep at 6:30am, I was absolutely, utterly distracted and AWED by the rhumba being performed in my abdomen. I try to wrap my brain around the design of growing a baby inside a person and get lost in the intricacies and the wonder. It's pretty insane - both in theory and in practice. It's also a little sci-fi, so of course I like it. I'm excited for the day that K can actually feel the kiddo move around in there :)

Last week I went to another midwife appointment and the good news is I'm up a few pounds, and am quite certain it's all in my boobs. I am like my very own Boobzilla. I jokingly tell people that this is awesome, seeing as I got my dad's boobs in the genetic roulette game. It's taking some getting used to, though. I have to pay more attention to the appropriateness of my shirts, have to get a bigger size, well, because I can't spend money on a medium anything without thinking I have to wear it out in the next few days before I won't be able to be comfortable in it.

We've started looking at and thinking about baby furniture, and have decided that there's enough cribs and rockers and barely used clothes and toys out there that should get us started...plus we're both handy with sanders and paintbrushes to make it all look trendy enough.