Afterword

After the birth of our second, everything changed. All of it. I was most worried that I wouldn't have enough love in my heart for everyone. Baloney. It overwhelms me at times. Everything isn't sunshine and rainbows every second of the day - the transition from one to two was HARD.

IS hard. And then you turn around and realize your relationship with your significant other is also different so you have to figure that out again too, amidst the regression of the things and the mess of a house and ALL THE NOT SLEEPING. At the very least, the not sleeping the second time around is totally expected and therefore not so much rage-filled. Maybe just a little ragey. A cute little rage monster. The thing that I struggle with the most, because I am quite a distracted individual at baseline, is how to be fully present with A while in this crazy storm of life with the little one. Even three months into this things have settled down a little, but she tells me she wants "just girl dates. No boys. No daddy, no little bro." and I have to figure out how to do that without jumping up to clean/email/text/whatever.

This I think will be the struggle of the millennial generation - finding meaningful connection via technology and knowing when to put that aside, sit on the floor and look your kid square in the face and say, "I'm here. Let's play." Hands Free Mama is a good place to start...although I'm reading it on a tablet and that feels wrong...and I think that it also has wisdom for people without kids. I also am enjoying Notes from a Blue Bike and The Art of Simple by Tsh Oxenreider. Simplifying, being present, and living life in this age of consumerism and more-more-more-all-the-everything are all inextricably linked. I wish I had a BLAM! one-size-fits-all fix for this, some prescriptive thing I could read or checklist or whatever but I don't. It's lots of little checklists and no's and conversations about how this or that makes someone feel and whether this THING makes you happy or your life better or what someone wants their life to be like, what they want their kids to remember.

All the big questions and the small questions at the same time. It's kind of a rollercoaster.

I know as a perfectionist yet fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants person that I can beat myself up about missed opportunities or things I could have done differently...currently I am evaluating my craft room, throwing actual DAILY BAGS OF TRASH from there and wondering why the hell I accumulated so much worthless stuff...things that I would "eventually get around to" that eventually just amounted to jumble in my brain and guilt for not having or making the time for the (SEEMINGLY) important but what turned out to be (ACTUALLY) unimportant...eesh.

So yeah, that's the reason for the blog redesign. As a family we're fumbling our way toward an unhurried, intentional, adventurous life.

Is it weird that I say "here's where I document all this unplugged-ness on a blog." ? Yeah probably.

Craftology

My favorite local craft store is putting on a competition where you compete to win a schmancy new sewing machine by actually making the things you've pinned on Pinterest. I signed up to do it, but first I had to clean up my mess of a craft room. I'm nowhere near that. but here are some before pictures...

I hadn't finished cleaning the floor OR pulling up the tackboard...so that was my first order of business.

Piles and piles and piles and piles. Ugh.

My manky shelf I'm not quite sure what to do with...I want to replace it but am not quite sure how or with what yet...or that I even want to replace it because I have a tendency to just pile up crap.

I was however given a painting from a dear friend, which wrapped up this wall! So that makes one half of one wall finished. Six more halves to go? The good news is that my sewing table/station is clear and good to go.

This is the pile of stuff I have to mend. So, I started tackling it one piece at a time.

I wear a lot of tights, and just started a new West African dance class, so I decided to patch 'em up...

...in a not-so-subtle manner.

And this is my favorite maxi dress. It ripped, like, two years ago.

So I fixed it!

That's all for now. I've got a ton of projects to wade through, and hopefully I can win this thing!

Too Fast Too Furious

A guaranteed way to get a mom to punch you (or at least strongly consider it) is to say something along the lines of "Enjoy this time - it goes by so quickly." While I've found early childhood to be downright exhausting and exhilarating and I heard that line over and over and over and over, it wasn't any help whatsoever. It didn't make time slow down or go faster or make me NOT wish that the 2am wakings would end. 

For whatever reason, maybe the PPD, maybe leaving my job and feeling weird about it, maybe feeling the need to somehow stay plugged in to music therapy and eventually "get back into it" I did, however, find myself looking for every opportunity to get A to sleep faster or more efficiently so that I could have time to go do whatever I wanted to. That little taste of pseudo-freedom was so intoxicating that while rocking her to sleep I would think, "Now would be a great time to just crash out in the rocking chair with her. Okay well...but there's all this other stuff I need to do, (insert dishes-research-writing-musicking-facebooking(VOMIT)-laundry-cleaning-sweeping-mopping-catchingupwithpeople-phonecalls-sewing-cooking-never-ending)" and I would justify to myself that I am so talented and my brain needs to keep working or I have a master's degree and was I really cut out for this SAHM thing and should she do a mother's day out and on and on and on...

...and then one day she moved from her crib to a mattress on the floor and she didn't want to be rocked any more, and it broke me to pieces. I am in fact tearing up as I type this. Not saying I didn't EVER not fall asleep with her in my arms, I just really honestly thought that it WOULD last. I didn't have any previous experience to know how abruptly it would end.

I recently completed a worksheet from this book that had the statement, "Imagine yourself at the end of your life looking back...what do you regret?" or something like that. Now, we all know the people who are like, "I live life with no regrets!" and for the most part I have to call bullshit. If you're going through life skipping through KNOWING that every decision you make is absolutely the best one for you right then, then you've stopped learning. I have the feeling that the rest of us are consistently saying to ourselves, "oops. That sucked. I'll try better next time." To my surprise I found myself journaling that I would probably wish that I had been kinder to some people, and that I would have reveled in the gloriousness that was the present moment a little bit more. Would have enjoyed the gifts that I was given to the fullest.

Kinda like the song by The Weepies - "Please Speak Well of Me" which I have included for your open-weeping pleasure:

The part that always gets me is -

Looking back now
I only wish I had been kinder
Did I ever know love, did I ever know love?
And could I have been blinder?

Okay so the whole song gets me every time. 

I have no idea what they're actually talking about in this song - maybe a romantic relationship or whatever but I tend to find little bits of songs and know they were meant just for me. I mean, if I could fall in love with my unborn kid and be brought to tears because of a Ke$ha song, anything is possible.

So yeah. The other night I was watching How I Met Your Mother and Alyson Hannigan took me apart with the most beautiful scene in the world. (fast forward to 14:32) I said out loud to the hubs, "Oh my word someone gets it. And just said it out loud. Oh my God." And then I cried. Apparently a whole lot of other mamas did the same thing. I don't still feel like that, but I remember clearly thinking just that several times in the first year. The shock of having something so beautiful and vulnerable completely dependent upon you is downright frightening, and it was moving to be validated like that. Even though it was through a tv show.

The world indeed moves on and the days are long and the years are short, but all I can do right now is snuggle up and snooze with my daughter in the middle of the day. I have no control over the decisions I made in the past, but I can bliss-out in the sweetness of the present, to do better next time. And then give myself grace. And you know what? Today she wouldn't nap, and because she had requested being wrapped up in a blanket a couple days ago I asked, "Do you want me to wrap you up?" She quit screaming right there and said, "YES!" and so I swaddled her up and started bouncing and shushing her like when she was itty bitty. And she passed out. So maybe those little moments don't ever go away. I just want to pay closer attention.

Anthro Inspired Cork Ball

Around May-ish I went to Anthropologie and saw some wonderful decorations. Pretty much everything they do is crazy inspiring and I love to go in that store to not only get inspired by what is in the store but also how it is decorated. 

Anyway, I saw these cork balls:

...and needed some for my own. So here you go, a magnificiently mellifluous tutorial!

you'll need:

Seriously - however much cork and glue you think you'll need, you'll need more. Enlist your closest winos friends and family to donate corks to you. You'll also need some Elmer's glue, burlap, and some Spanish moss - all these things are available at your nearest craft store.

I have a small hot glue gun and use 3-5 pumps of glue for each cork. 

I recommend adding the moss outside, as it can get drippy and messy. Just poke the moss down in between the cork with your fingers, or use a pencil/crochet hook/chop stick

.

 You can also paint or glitter the end of your corks for some added zing and then use them year-round for decorations that change with the seasons...add some sparkley stars, snowmen, or tiny reindeer for Christmas...the possibilities are endless! Let me know if you have any questions :)

Making it Work

I had the bright idea to make a bedspread for my guest room that would bring some color into the place and be all whimsical and fun and transcend seasons. I fell in love with 8 fabrics at CityCraft that I got just a bit of, thinking I could get more later. And that's what I tried to do, except like, 6 months later. So of course the same fabrics were not there.

Sigh.

I like to think that what I lack in forethought I make up for in creativity (perhaps directly related to that lack of forethought thing). I may be fashionably late to the style party but I am OBSESSED with chevrons at the moment. That's my inspiration for the rest of the quilt. This morning, Kyle said to me, "Are you going to make the horizontal stripes the middle instead of the side now?" My man is a genius. Here's the work in progress:

epic stashbusting

Admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? So here's me admitting to my dirty little crafting secret: I, Christina, am a fabric hoarder. I am obsessed with pretty fabrics and designs and new patterns, but it seems that when I get the fabric home and washed and halfway stitched, another pretty piece of fabric and pattern calls to me softly and I'm off again, pursuing some other sewing endeavor. What's more is that when I do finish a project, I can't bring myself to just discard the leftover strips and such. Oh no. What that leaves me with is what you see above, what happened when I dumped out a huge box of fabric. I got to thinking about what I wanted to do with it.

There are a ton of unfinished projects in here, and since I am no longer working and we're operating under a new budget, I have decided to tear through my stash before I get or start anything new. So, I grabbed a box of freezer bags and a sharpie and started organizing my pile of stuff into projects:

This way, when I get the odd blessed hour or so for nap time, I can pull out a bag, work on a project, and put it back without the eventual destruction of my craft room.

I have a bunch of gift projects that I'm working on, but I also have a whole lot of fabric that isn't purposed for anything in particular. That fabric I stored by color or texture so that when I want to make a blanket or a baby girl dress or wallets or applique some onesies, I know where to reach. 

I have been overwhelmed lately, feeling like all I do is vacuum, change diapers, feed people, and haven't had the time or the energy to be creative, which is a HUGE part of what makes me who I am. In the interest of preserving my sanity and staving off the dark clouds that gather above me when I am sans creativeness, I scheduled some lovely ladies to come clean my house to help me keep on top of the deep cleaning stuff that let's face it, is just not my forte. Because I function largely from the right half of my brain, I am prone to this overwhelmed-ness when there is no order to the chaos, and I HAVE to put structure around myself or else I'll end up a frazzled grumpy pumpkin or as K likes to call me, "a super hot mess."

What this also means is that I'm going to open up an Etsy shop because I get lots of requests from friends who want the stuff that I make. This, too, will help me get through my stash and help me work out some kinks on designs that I have as I figure out what I want to specialize in. I am going to take this stash busting opportunity to build up some inventory.

Stay tuned - this is going to be fun!

6 week postpartum checkup: back in the saddle again

I went to my shiny new OB/GYN for my 6 week checkup/annual exam...these things being annual I am deciding whether or not having such a delightful experience this close to my birthday is a good idea. He checked out his handiwork (scar), we chatted about Adeline's labor and delivery, discussed birth control and future pregnancies. Maybe it was because I hadn't had breakfast yet...still getting the hang of timing with a new baby...right now it takes us about an hour and a half to two hours to go from sleeping to out the door. Think that sounds like a long time? I have to shower, get totally dressed and ready, check her diaper bag to make sure everything is together, wake her up, change, feed, change again, put on appropriate going out clothes and THEN we can leave. Phew! For someone who is historically TERRIBLE at forethought, it's quite an exercise. By the time we're all ready to go, I'm ready for a nap.

Like I was saying, maybe it was because I hadn't had breakfast yet, but after all the discussion and the pelvic exam and all that, I was kind of...I don't know...sad? weebed out at the prospect of future babies? make that scared out of my mind of all the complications? overwhelmed because I would like at least one more kid of our own, and would also like to adopt...all of it was too much. Plus I had to focus on my breathing to keep from passing out.  Then add to that the fact that I ran into my midwife yesterday at the gas station...is anyone surprised that I came home, ate lunch, fed the kid and then ended up a weepy mess on the floor by her crib? Sigh.

Recognizing that I needed to do some creative interventions on myself and go back and process Adeline's dramatic entry into the world, I headed off to Hobby Lobby to get some crafting supplies. Thanks to Claire leaving a book on earring making I grabbed some wire and beads and plan to make some jewelry, and then attack a drawing pad with some pastels and colored pencils and whatever else strikes my fancy.

ahhhhh...sleep!

I'm sleeping better, thank goodness, and I'm also at 28 weeks, which I think officially puts me in my 3rd trimester. Crazy town. I'm getting really excited - I want to know what the kid looks like, if it's a boy or a girl, and am really REALLY ready to not have to answer the "do you have any weird cravings?" question for a really, really long time.

Back to the sleep issue, I don't know if I wrote about this already but I got a Snoogle from my friend Kyna that has quite literally saved my sanity. That, and I got some earplugs 'cos a) Kyle snores like a freight train and b) increased momma hormones = waking up to EVERY. LITTLE. SOUND. so instead of smothering my darling husband every night with a pillow, I've been snoozing like a rock star. Also, I've become one with the excuse to get in bed at 8:30. That has meant cutting down on some extracurricular activities during the week, but the payoff has been so worth it.

We've started working on the kid's room - we've got a crib, rocking chair, even some paint tests on the walls! I'm converting a couple pieces of furniture that we already have to function as baby furniture so we don't have to buy new stuff. 

 We refinished an old armoire of Kyle's parent's like...5 or 6 years ago...and turned it into a TV cabinet. Well, we got a new TV so now the cabinet is going to be fitted with a closet bar and made into a baby closet. The colors we'd painted it so many years ago even fit with the decor.  I was delighted when I opened my Martha Stewart Homekeeping Handbook and there's a little section on how to convert an armoire into a baby storage closet. Further proof that me and Martha are soulmates.

My second project is turning our dresser into a changing table. The plan is to sand/paint the top of it, add some stencils to the drawers, and exchange the hardware. There's a ton of storage in this piece of furniture and I'm excited to get going on this. I'll get pics up soon, I promise.

et voila

I am honestly dumbfounded by how little money, time, and brain power to make my very own "Hooter Hider." Thanks again to CityCraft for the fabulous *BOLD! BEAUTIFUL! GENDER NEUTRAL!*  fabric (ONLY A YARD PEOPLE) and the Mama Monster, where I got the pattern.

also made this week: an oilcloth bag. I took a class over at CityCraft and learned soooo much (including that i need to get my machine serviced...oops) and had a wonderful time with a cozy gathering of women. I had never taken a sewing class before and was really nervous but had a blast and will definitely be going back.

Guess what everyone's getting for Christmas!

In other kinds of crafting news, my herb garden is basically just tending to itself...I've got loads of Basil, thyme, oregano, chamomile, and my bright lights chard just keeps on giving! It's really amazing. I wanted a wild herb garden, and that is certainly what I'm getting. I don't even stress about the caterpillars that have moved in on my parsley remnants.

The thing that has made me smile the most this summer is that an heirloom tomato from last year has decided to plant it's pretty self in the not-so-sunniest spot in the garden. AND THEN decided that op, nope, about a foot away would be MUCH better thank you, and...well, we've got 3 baby tomatoes going and are just going to see what happens:

I am amazed at nature.

crafting mama

Working with my hands, be it writing, crocheting, painting, sewing, gardening, cooking, making music, is the key to my happiness and sanity. I am blessed to come from a long line of hippies and homemakers and married into a family that truly cherishes and rocks out all things handmade. I am currently inspired by a place in Dallas called CityCraft, a place to find beautiful fabrics (Amy Butler in the flesh omg!) and resources. I go probably every other week...because it coincides with payday...and because I love nothing more than letting my brain unwind in front of their endless array of color and pattern choices.

When my neice was born 8 years ago my sister had a tough time finding big 40" swaddle blankets and employed me to make a bunch for her friends after her mother in law made her a bunch. When I started looking around for registry items I realized that I didn't like a single pattern anywhere, and decided to make my own. Feast your eyes:

I am obsessed with Michael Miller and Amy Butler fabrics. I originally was going to make 8 swaddle blankets but have decided to make one more and then move on to more projects. I've gotten a whole lot more confident with my sewing machine, can navigate its tempermental tension settings, and actually figured out how to make square blankets.

I have a zillion ideas swirling around in my head...I just found a hooter hider pattern that I cannot WAIT to try out, maybe next week, and have decided I want to make a whole bunch of new placemats, runners, and napkins, seeing as our table is GORGEOUS and is in need of some new bling.

HelLO, nesting monster.

Epiphany.

I was tie-dyeing some orange onesies for my friend and decided to throw a couple in there of the newborn variety for myself. It wasn't until I pulled them out of the dye and finished undoing the rubber bands on the first one for baby Stock that I swear I heard a firecracker go off in my head all glowing and sparkly like that said HOLY CRAP OUR BABY'S GOING TO WEAR THIS!

And then I started grinning and got really, REALLY excited :)

"I can tell you're feeling better because you're crafting."

Oh, Candace knows me all too well.

I woke up Sunday morning a new person, nesting in FULL EFFECT. It's like my brain went: 

UH HELLO we've got SIX MONTHS to get your crap together before this baby shows up! GET UP!

Thankfully I was feeling like I had finally turned a corner. Thus began The Great Nesting of 2010. A lot of my friends have had babies recently and I owe pretty much everyone a gift. Here are a few things I've been working on:

crochet baby blanket for a little boy...need to run and get more gray. 

I found the pattern for this blanket here.

This blanket has taken WAY longer than I expected, 

so the sweet girl will probably get it when she turns 18. Pattern blocks can be found in this book.

I don't know why but tie-dyed baby clothes just make me giggle, and I love giving them as gifts. Here's a stack of some green onesies...I've got some more in the works including orange and pink. If anyone out there wants me to make them something, let me know.

Now, alls I need to do is get THIS mess organized, and I'll be set. Hopefully it won't take 6 months.

Sneak Peak...

I'm working on a couple hand painted children's tables for a garage sale...

This is the before shot...

The blue table I think will have an underwater theme:

Not sure for the red yet. Both will be alphabet tables.