phew! life, full beautiful painful wonderful life with a 3 month old is FULL and I've been busy living it instead of writing about it but now I'm sitting on the second hour of The Bachelor The Women Tell All and I feel like I can spend a couple brain cells here instead of melting in front of deliciously trashy television.
Things that have been going on - laughing, smiling, marveling, working, working, working, and a tiny bit of sleeping. It's kinda like being in college again, except way more awesome.
I don't know if I'm the only person noticing this but there's been a LOT of death around me lately. It seems to be on everyone's mind as of late - in getting ready for this past weekend's grief camp I was dreading every moment because I feel like I've been swimming in it...and then a local pastor at my coworker's church died suddenly a couple weeks ago, and then I heard that a friend's dad passed away suddenly, and then Jason Mraz's recent blog is all about a song he wrote about people and pets who have gone before....ugh. Thankfully, the day at camp really was wonderful and filled with laughing and helping others that it was incredibly healing for me. I know that's not why we're supposed to do what we do, and I didn't go into it expecting it, it was just a nice surprise.
For whatever reason becoming a mom has made me not only crazy grateful and in awe of life but also heartbroken at the messed up world we're in and really...aware...I guess...of the fragile nature of life. Maybe because there have been some mad tragic things that have happened in my family's life, and the mama hormones, I have been struggling with some anxiety and fear that seriously keep me up at night, second-guessing every step and decision. Any other moms out there experience the same thing? 'cos wow I'd really like to hear that I'm normal.
6 comments:
Omigosh. I am happy to tell you that you're normal! It sucks, doesn't it?
Oh my gosh, yes. Since I became a mom every news story or sad-faced puppy makes me clutch on to my little boy and simultaneously count my lucky stars and pray that he never feels sadness or loss. Silly, I know, but there it is, straight from my crazy mind to yours.
Very normal. Thoughts of losing people in my life ESPECIALLY my daughter pervaded my life since just around the time she was born...it still happens now, but not as much - It usually hits me before I leave her. The questions of "what if...?" Perhaps it is a coping mechanism because I usually devise a plan in answer to the "what ifs"... weird momma hormones: check
I have to REALLY take my thoughts captive every time there's some sort of tragedy, big or small. It is hard to remember...but worrying truly takes away, and doesn't add, to the future. Instead of worrying, try praying! At least you can feel like you're being productive with your "worrying" if you just ask God for help and protection instead.
If you still need help, just be thankful you don't live here with us and the poisonous cobras ;)
alinar
I like that thought Alina - taking my thoughts captive :) oh the fervent prayer is pretty much all I can lean on in the wee hours of the morning...thanks for the reminder that worry does nothing but takes away. You are always so encouraging friend!
Normal. Yay for Mommydom:)
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