fits and starts

So, little A is about to be 3, which totally blows my mind. I've been thinking about the blog lately and thinking about how much I wanted to write but couldn't - a) because there was nothing new under the sun. SO MANY good mommy bloggers out there! b) I didn't just want to blog about mom stuff and c) having a child is hard. It's hard on friendships, it's hard on a marriage, hard on your individual psyche. I just wanted to deal with my stuff personally instead of using the blog as a broken record of negativity and then d) Lord have mercy, the space in my mind to string a thought together was JUST SO EXHAUSTING.

I make no promises that I'll keep writing but, lately my brain has been filling up with Things and here seems as good a place to get 'em out as any.

Last night we were up pretty much all night with the nugget. She has asthma, and this time last year we landed in the ER because she had a cough but we thought she was getting better and we wanted her little body to fight of the "cold" we thought surely she had and you know how it goes when you have it "oh tomorrow I'll be better...no...maybe the next day will be better..." and we just played that game for too many days until she couldn't get through a sentence without a coughing fit. Scared the daylights out of me. We've managed to keep things under control this year and I've been trying to avoid using the nebulizer if it wasn't necessary but oh, it's time. And I feel so foolish for having to go to the doctor and pay him $80 for him to tell me something I already know. But this asthma learning curve is steep. If I could take it off her, I would. I hated having it as a kid, and remember being afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid I would stop breathing. Now when she gets like this she sleeps in bed with us because I'm afraid SHE will stop breathing. 

The crunchy mama in me wants to get to the bottom of this asthma, and her eczema, so next week we have an appointment with an allergist to get her tested. I'm tempted to also get myself tested as an adult since I was allergic to every little thing as a kid and wonder where it all landed, if I'm still allergic to the same stuff. From there we'll look at making dietary changes if necessary. I know I was allergic to all dairy as a kid, so if we had to cut that out, it wouldn't be too entirely tough on our family, but goodbye convenience foods like Amy's Mac & Cheese. Sigh.

So yeah - that's the biggest news for now. There's a lot of other things to write about coming up - I have a strong desire to hunker and purge everything in our house, to do all the projects and organizing that we've wanted to do for a long time because I feel stuck in the same mess and papers and room-that's-always-a-disaster-'cos-we-haven't-finished-it-yet. I have plans, though. And these next several months is all about bringing them to fruition. AND learning about how to budget and plan for those plans. I told you. Lots in my brain that needs to get out. Here goes.