Okay so I know one of my resolutions is to do yoga once a week, and I assumed that it meant I would be going to classes once a week. However, I recently ordered some yoga DVDs to do here at home because -get this- the hubs is going to be doing the yogas with me! I figure I can do one a day, depending on when I wake up and when/if the nugget sleeps. I have found that moving my body, breathing, all that stuff, helps center my brain and my heart so that I can face everything else with a little more joy. I'm stoked that my tall-dark-and-handsome will be doing this as well because I think it'll be a good stress reliever. Plus he's about as flexible as a 2x4.
Some other stuff I'm doing is writing in my journal every day, which helps me filter a lot of the endless stream of consciousness in my head and get it out. What came out yesterday was the concept of being replaced. I suppose this isn't a particularly fair assessment, because I know that once I became a mama, things changed...friendships changed...I changed. I consider myself to be a very loyal friend, and am glad in some ways that I am the first of my Dallas friends (ie the ones I see all the time) to have a kid because I have so much perspective now, and know how to be a better friend...not just to other mamas but just in general. In some ways it's been hard though because I have had to find community with other mamas, which meant doing a lot of work getting to know new people and families and doing that whole 'need a friend? be a friend' thing. I am generally viewed as an outgoing, bubbly person, but at my core I am an introvert and very rooted in my friendships so when I was faced with having to find a new support system FAST, I was overwhelmed. I dove in, and thankfully have found some incredible friends pretty much in my own back yard and have had the opportunity to connect with some old friends online who are now moms. Thank you Facebook.
The thing is that it still hurts is not knowing that the carefree, spontaneous days have dwindled, but more than that is seeing and hearing about close friends doing things that I used to do with them...things that they no longer think to invite me to. Which is just as well in a lot of cases - my hours of happiness are usually spent fixing dinner and having a dance party with/attempting to feed and sometimes getting food thrown at me by my baby girl.
And the late nights, I've already learned the hard way, are just not an option any more. Staying out is fun and great, but it's as if they know, and every time without fail that's the night your sweet angel will wake up bright eyed and rarin' to go at 3am. And you WILL have a headache from the bubbly, and you WILL hate life. It is just NOT worth it. I get that, and I spent a lot of time in college having the time of my life and watching the sunrise. It's time to move along to other things. It's just that (ugh I can't believe I'm saying this) I miss my old girlfriends, and like to think that maybe I'm not just viewed as a mama now. It's a constant battle in my head - part of me wants to type "so what if you are?! quit your bellyaching and enjoy the ride!" and then the sensitive overly analytical side wants to be all "pity? party of one? your table's ready." I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that when I was prego I was really, really sick, and really, really flaky because I just could not figure out when I was going to be okay and when I was going to be queasy.
So anyway. Every day is a learning experience and I am thankful for the moms I have met this past year that have helped me along. I don't know if I've mentioned this before but right when I decided to stay home with Addy I had lunch with one of my husband's coworkers who I greatly admire and she said something that has stuck with me - that being a stay at home mom "can be really isolating." I found that statement to be so weird because everyone says "It takes a village!" - which, it truly does. What they don't tell you is that a lot of times (maybe just in Western culture?) the village doesn't just appear, you have to go out and build it yourself.
Anyone out there with or without kiddos who can relate?
Anyone out there with or without kiddos who can relate?
2 comments:
I think the worst part is when people do invite you to things but are then upset when you decline because of your kid. I don't care how easy it looks on tv - calling up a sitter and just living it up isn't that viable most of the time. And while the break is nice (FYI I'm totally typing this from a hot bath and I can hear baby cries and they're Daddy's problem which feels awesome) you MISS your little person while you're out. I think it's a bit easier when they're bigger, but when they're tiny, they have pretty intense gravitational pull.
Thank you for saying this! I feel like I was way more inflexible about this before A, not understanding why my girlfriend wasn't calling me back or had to cancel things at the last minute. But now? The stars have to align just so for things to happen - no matter how much planning or effort goes into something, maybe it's been a rough week and I just want to curl up in my own bed and hide, or maybe I wanted to go to that fun trendy restaurant but I haven't felt as present as a mom and would rather invest my time actually paying attention to my family instead of goin through the motions.
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