Well, week 12 starts today and the nasty morning sickness has subsided...not entirely and not all the time, but enough to give me hope. I have moments of normal that nearly take my breath away. I'm having a hard time believing that I'm actually pregnant because I'm not showing at all. Maybe it'll become real with a sono or hearing the heartbeat in a couple weeks at my next midwife appointment :)
I've gotten some funny responses when I tell some people that we've decided to go the midwife route. Things like, "So, you have a midwife...do you have an OBGYN too?" or from my general practice doctor who asks me EVERY TIME I CALL if I want a referral to an OB or if my OB can do the blood test for my thyroid screen or what have you. It was mostly a timing issue...I ditched my old OB after she said that just because all the women in my family have thyroid problems doesn't automatically mean that I'll get them and then promptly refused a test that I requested. But I digress.
Anyhoo, I found out that my general practice doc does well woman exams which I generally schedule around my birthday. Well, we were kind of busy this year what with going to Hawaii and starting a new job, and by the time I looked up, it was a month later and I was prego. I already had a couple months of research under my belt regarding the practice and history of midwifery not because I was pregnant but because I wanted to know what my options were before I got into any sort of place where I'd have to hurry up and make a decision. I'd borrowed The Midwife from a friend and was absolutely fascinated by it, and then I read this post from the Dooce, ordered some more books like this, this, and this, watched Ricki Lake's The Business of Being Born, and it all just made sense.
Nobody can convince anyone else what is right for them, especially in the area of choosing what kind of prenatal care and birth practices are best for an individual, and I'm not going to get on a soapbox about it. Even if you agree or disagree one way or the other, I'd encourage anyone to check out some of the above mentioned resources and decide for yourself.
If I were going to get anywhere near a soapbox, I would say that the linchpins in deciding for myself that this was what I wanted to do were the statistics of how many births in America are attended by midwives as opposed to how many are attended in every other country in the world, and that the maternal and infant distress/death rates in America are higher than anywhere else, and have remained high and not gone any lower, even though the instance of C-Sections has increased over the last 20 years. It wouldn't be the first time someone called me a granola eating hippie, but...I just don't believe that a woman in labor is something that should be treated as an emergency requiring tons of unnecessary and sometimes harmful interventions. It's a part of life, and I believe that women's bodies know exactly what to do when it's time. Okay. Backing away from the soapbox. But yeah, check out those books and movies, and let's chat :)
So, once I found out I was pregnant, I checked out a couple nearby midwife practices. One was the Allen Birthing Center about 15 miles up the road that had TONS of glowing online recommendations, including a friend of mine who's driving all the way from Arlington to get her prenatal care there. I loved them, but wanted to see if there were any other practices nearby. Kyle actually checked with our insurance and found a midwife that's not only in-network but practices a mile from our house. Bingo.
I suggested Kyle read this book because it was more the brainy part behind the whole midwife decision...a very different vibe from the hippies in Spiritual Midwifery, but I figured he wasn't quite ready for all that talk of birth as a psychedelic trip (although I thought it was fantastic). He was totally prepared with tons of questions for the midwife when we first met with her, and she patiently answered all our questions and spent at least an hour with us. We decided that day that she would be our midwife.
Since then, I had my first visit which was an hour and 45 minutes at 9 weeks. It included a head-to-toe physical, a review of my overall fitness history and goals, my nutrition, and of course lots and lots of question and answer. I absolutely love how much time I get to spend with my midwife. She's hilarious and real, and what I like most is that she only takes on 6 births a month. She's totally into the whole empowered woman approach to things, and approaches things like genetic testing or sonograms as such. Basically we're partners in making the decisions in my family's care - she, the educated experienced one, and me the neophyte with loads of questions who she believes is capable of making the sound decisions. She's on my speed dial and I know I can call her any time day or night with concerns and questions. Which I did, especially over the last few weeks.
So yeah - my next appointment is not this coming week but next, and I'm excited to hang out with her again and getting to hear the little one's heartbeat :)
7 comments:
Good for you!
No matter what kind of birth a woman has I think the most important thing is she educates herself on her body, feels comfortable with her decision and surrounds herself with people/doctors/midwifes/doulas that will support her decisions.
I had that even with a medicated induction. I had an OB I loved, a husband who knew exactly what I wanted and how to speak up for me and a labor & delivery nurse that will end up on Christmas Card list because she was just SO fantastic. Overall I had an overwhelmingly positive birth experience.
I think its so fantastic that you've done all your research and I look forward to reading more about your journey and eventually your birth story.
Love,
Jo
I was fascinated with "The Business of Being Born." The whole chain effect thing with bonding, producing milk, etc, just clicked with me. I'm going to check out some of those books!
Midwifery seems to be a big deal around here... or at least I hear about it more than I did when I was in Texas. My sister had her second daughter with a midwife in her living room and it was kind of cool (and gross - I was 14) to witness that. She tried with her 3rd kid, but some complications led her to the hospital (at the midwife's recommendation). Honestly, a midwife seems the more natural choice to me. Not because I've witnessed it, but just because I've decided that hospitals don't really have a clue what's going on. It's scary really.
I'm so glad you've done your research and you're posting your opinion about the matter on your blog. It really is a great way to go. You'll be happy with it :)
@Jo you bring up a great point that I didn't bring up - that the most important thing that a woman educates herself and then surrounds her with supportive people. I am the last person who can speak to what birth is like or what is good for someone else when I haven't been there yet. Because the literature that favors midwifery is SO very unbiased, I forget that there are plenty of people who have wonderful birth experiences in the hospital :)
@Claire girl, you helped me get jazzed about the midwife thing! Thanks :)
@Ehwin What a great experience! I'm looking forward to conversation on either side of the issue, and I've gotten so many questions that I think just documenting the journey for others to learn about is important.
The first time I read "my midwife" in one of your posts, I thought it was just the most natural thing, like you had said, "my garden". You're someone who has made being in touch with your body a HUGE part of your every day life. When a woman is that aware of herself (and will undoubtedly continue to be as your body changes), a midwife seems like such an obvious option. I haven't done all the reading or any of that, but everyone I've ever heard who used a midwife had a great experience (with one exception, but that was her fault, not the midwife's. The midwife tried to get her to go to the hospital when complications started but she refused.) I just don't get why it has such a stigma around it.
You're very good at uncomplicating a lot of aspects of life, and I love love love that you're taking that route with your pregnancy and birth. Growing a baby is complex enough on its own!
That being said, of all the different options for giving birth, water births still (and probably always will) gross me out just because the thought of being in a tub full of fluids, blood, and waste is just yuck. That's not in your post, that's just me sayin'.
Whoa whoa whoa I am as ooged out the next person about sitting in a tub filled with birth goo, if not in fact moreso. I hesitate to agree that just because a woman chooses a midwife whe is more in touch with her body. Mostly I don't want someone telling me what to do, especially if it involves being on someone else's schedule of how long a birth should take or pressuring me to do a C Section when so much of the time it is avoidable. Not to say that I will be irrationally tied to my birth plan.
As to why there is a stigma around it, prior to the 20th century the birth method of choice in US was home birth and natural birth. Somewhere along the way the midwife's role was usurped by doctors and finally obstetricians by spreading the belief that hospitals and technology was smarter and safer, and included a huge obstetrical smear campaign against midwives. Today, 96% of women in in the US are attended by physicians, with the remaining 4% attended by midwives, compared with pretty much opposite realities in every other country in the world, you'd think that maternal and infant distress/death rates would be low for our country but ours is the highest and remains the highest even though interventions of all kinds have increased over the years. The disparity became unsettling for me personally.
I don't plan to go the full waterbirth option but I do know that the birth center has a sweet tub to help me relax in and if it happens in there, cool, but you know that thing better have a fast drain.
Oh, I meant more that women who are super in touch with their bodies are prone to being more vocal about what feels right for them. Midwives are more partnering in the process whereas a lot of doctors take the "I'm a professional so I know best" stance.
I totally laughed out loud then got really grossed out at the image of you in a tub of goo. The episodes of "A Baby Story" with water births where the dad is in the tub during the birth, too, absolutely are the worst. I'm like, "DUDE. THAT'S NOT YOUR GOO!!!!" And they can say, "Oh its natural!" all they want. Poo's natural but I don't stick my hands in the toilet. Bleh!
In other news, I love you.
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