So, hey. Almost two months is equivalent to an eternity in blog years, amiright?

I'm moving over to another blog, and once I figure out how to do that blog-to-print thing, I'm gonna shut this one down. Thanks for following and commenting and posting along with me. It felt better to start over than to try to reorganize this mess of a life blog.

Join me?

yep.

Okay, people. I am officially going on hiatus. 

Permanently. 

I have been looking around at my life, trying to cut back on the needless things that suck away at either my physical time or my mental time, and every time I even think about blogging, I draw a blank. I'm not one to do things if I don't enjoy doing them (especially when we're talking dishes, right?), and it's not that I don't enjoy blogging, because I do, but there is so much else that I'm enjoying right now that blogging has moved way to the bottom of the list. 

Here's where I'm at:

In this time of endless connectivity I'm finding that I just really want to connect in real and authentic ways, and this blog isn't doing it for me at the moment. I hate talking to people in person and them saying, "Oh yeah I read about that (awesome thing they already know everything about because I wrote about it already) on your blog/facebook/twitter." Maybe this is me being selfish or whatever but, as I saw on a friend's blog or fb or whatever sometime back:  

I am more than my blog. I am more than my facebook page.  

More than that, I want to be more present for myself and for my family, and those times when I take a step back from a moment and try to come up with some witty way to express it on here or on fb kind of...cheapens it somehow. Like the one time I was in the bathroom at a bar with a radio personality who had just had something major happen to her and she was all, "Okay so how am I going to talk about this on the radio tomorrow?" instead of just being in the moment.

 In my personal life, I haven't been able to really put together my thoughts on what I want to say about my life as a mama or my child without being just another mommyblogger. To up the ante, I also happen to have a profession that mandates privacy, which makes blogging about the emotional side of it without being completely obtuse dang near impossible.

To my friends, keep blogging. I love nothing more than keeping up with your lives and travels and interesting awesomeness on your blog or facebook. Know that I will stalk you, and I will be awkward about it. I will also probably call you and send you things, because that's what real people in real relationships do, and I hope you would do the same for me.

Peace out, girl (and boy) scouts. For now, anyway.

in like a lion

It's APRIL! I haven't been holding true to pretty much ANY of my resolutions, including #1, posting once a week on either of my blogs. I wasn't feeling super creative or inspired, but finally posted over there, and it gave me a really good jumping off point for future posts. 

1. Post once a week on my music therapy blog and on this blog

I guess I am overwhelmed with all the sharing that is done via Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and on and on and on. I like taking pictures with my phone, which makes it easy to update FB, but honestly at the end of the day I'm flipping exhausted and remembering to post on here is the last thing on my mind. Maybe I need to just focus on a couple things that I want to talk about on here - I think I've talked about this before. I love my friend's running blog because it is oh so very inspiring, it gives her a place to reach out to other frunners, and her blog is a reflection of the awesome journey she has been on from a non-Runner to a marathoner. 

As I'm typing this I see my Clematis is blooming, and my jasmine, and my garden is going nuts. I think getting that to-do list up and printed has helped me organize my brain a little better, which should lead to more posts on here. Bear with me.
 

2. Sew through the One Yard Wonders book I just got for Christmas

Haven't even done one of these. Eeks.
 

3. Run a successful (read: profitable) Etsy shop

I SOLD SOMETHING! So it was kinda profitable. Now I need to make more stuff. My creativity has been suffering as of late. I realized that all I have been doing is giving and giving and giving of myself and not really taking in anything. Even the books I read - most of them are self-help books, which just gives me another project. This has meant I've had to do some editing of the media I consume. Chaos and violence is out (thank goodness Walking Dead is on hiatus) and I've been trying to spend more time just cultivating peace and beauty through poetry, music, and enjoying my garden. I've committed myself to creativity-ifying my craft room, which has just recently gotten a couple coats of purple paint and will be getting some hardware upgrade thanks to IKEA.

Hopefully making my space more creative and organized will help me actually be in the mood to create.

4. Cook my way through the Lee Brother's Simple Fresh Southern

Now that it's Spring, I have a good excuse to do this. So many of their recipes are seasonal to warmer months.  I have been in a food rut as of late so I need to pull this book out and get to work.

5. Use raw veganism to get myself to my goal weight

Phew. Okay. I've been using raw vegan PRINCIPLES to get me to my goal weight. I started at 172 and am now down to 167. I have only health snack choices in my house, and am making daily use out of my Magic Bullet to concoct awesome smoothies. A few friends of mine are trying out Shakeology, which looks really interesting. I don't know if I'll ever do it in the future, because I know what to put in my smoothies and so far it looks pretty much exactly like what they do, except I have the time and the resources to get the fresh stuff. So I'll stick with what works for me right now. My current obsession is my after workout snack of a piece of toast, almond butter, banana, honey, and chia seeds. HEAVEN!

6. Run a half-marathon

I chose a half-marathon - it's going to be in September here in the Dallas area! To get me there, I've been using the Hal Higdon training method - I have so long between now and when I would need to start training for the half that I am currently running the Novice 5K schedule. This is my fifth week of running consistently and happily, and I'm so excited that I've stuck with it. 

I am also biking a lot - a friend sold me her bike trainer so I can bike in my living room while the nugget sleeps. I am riding in the Bike MS in a couple weeks and I'm kinda nervous about it. I've never ridden in such a big ride before. I also put together a team for Livestrong Foundation's Ride for the Roses in October, and have committed to biking 85-100 miles. We'll see if that happens.

7. Publish my thesis in a music therapy journal

8. Beef up my thesis and publish it as a book

blargh. It's hard to be in the music therapy world and connected when 99% of my day is my child. Every day is a struggle to have that balance. I adore the field and know that it's what I am meant to do, so it is important to me to stay connected somehow. I just need to DO IT.

9. Go to yoga at least once a week

HA! neither this nor the yoga DVDs have been touched in MONTHS. Did I mention I'm already working out 6 days a week?

10. Only watch 1 hour of television a day. Weekends included.

This one comes and goes. We're talking about getting rid of cable and I honestly couldn't be more excited about it!

11. Find a church and attend regularly

! We found a church. Or rather the church found us. I don't mean the building stalked us and hunted us down but as it turns out lots of people in our community go to this church because it's walking distance from our house. So, it makes sense that if we already know people and their kids and are already doing community together, that we should join this church. Plus, their baptism services are really beautiful, and the inside of the church kinda looks like Hogwarts.

12. Buy no clothes new for myself or my family (notice that I didn't say "no new clothes.")

I've blown this one for baby girl because right when the weather got awesome and warm I realized she had no shorts or short sleeved shirts, so I had to go shopping quick and didn't have time to dig through a consignment shop. Although, I love doing it - it's kinda tough with a toddler. And by that I mean impossible. 

Okay so, that's where I am right now. I said that I hadn't been holding true to any of my resolutions but it turns out I kinda have been on some. If I promise to post I won't do it so I'll just say see ya for now :)

daily

"I am so smart, S-M-R-T." 

-Homer Simpson

I'm a little, er, prone to flights of fancy when it comes to organizing myself. Or, as some would say, time and space completely dissolve if I have not written myself a very stern list of things to do. I need quantifiable goals (that I can quantifiably ignore if I'm feeling less than jazzed about the creative process), I need gold stars. I need to look upon a crossed of list of things done and smirk triumphantly. 

And also to smile because although the kitchen has a ton of miscellaneous crap on it, today is not the day that I tidy up the kitchen. HAH!

I found the cute template, popped on over to Picnik.com (which is soon closing down, super sadface) to enter my daily to-do, and then framed it. Hung it in my kitchen. I think it's the best thing ever! If I could JUST get it to do my dishes...

It Takes A Village

I have blogged before about having to seek out your own village once you become a mama. I am fortunate enough to have one, quite literally, in my own back yard. And this past weekend, most were ACTUALLY in my back yard! Kyle smoked two briskets, grilled some chicken, and we sauteed some veggies, and everyone either brought sides, beer, or wine (and sometimes all three!)

We had new and old faces, new and old babies, lots of great food and wonderful conversation! I only snapped a few pictures as I was busy running around but we had THE best time ever. I am so thankful to have these people as my support system and am honored to be part of theirs. 

Do you have a village out there to help support you through whatever it is you're going through? I'd love to hear about it!

weekend away

I love surprises. 

I love getting them and springing them on people. 

I love thinking of just the right thing for just the right time in a person's life to surprise them with.

This past Friday I told my hubs that we had dinner reservations, and he had to get home at 6:30. He came in rather frazzled at 6:45 and off we went just 30 miles away to McKinney. When we pulled up to a big, old, victorian-style house that said "B&B" out front, he got suspicious.  "Uhhh...what are we doing?" 

"SPENDING THE NIGHT SURPRISE!"

I had called my mom the week before to babysit our sweet nugget while I kidnapped my hubs for a night, finding a B&B in a nearby small town. He has been working crazy long hours for the past month, to the point that we hadn't really been seeing each other and it was all kinds of time to reconnect and do what we love to do - explore, eat great food, and wander a new place.

So Friday night after his shock wore off we headed to the town square where we wandered in and out of antique shops and listened to local musicians. As it got closer to dinnertime, we checked out the McKinney Wine Merchant, as our dinner reservations were at Gregory's Bistro, which was BYOB. Y'all. The food was completely amazing. We had mussels to start - lemon, jalepeno mussels. K ordered the sirloin, and I ordered scallops. Both came with white truffle mashed potatoes, and I had some grilled asparagus on the side. Bliss, people. Gregory is legit - he was born in France and has been cooking like crazy his whole life. I am glad he ended up in Texas, because he is a genius, and our food was absolutely incredible. Afterward, we went around the corner for some gelato and then headed back to the B&B. 

The next morning, since we are parents now and cannot physically sleep in, we hopped in the hot tub on our porch before breakfast, which I'm pretty sure is the best way to start any morning, ever. Our hosts fed us pecan waffles and fruit and then we were off to the Franconia Brewery. The tour was really informative (to me, at least - the hubs has been known to brew some beers). I learned a lot about what it means to sustainably brew, and I have a lot of respect for what Franconia is doing: adhering to the German brewing purity laws, not bottling until they can work out a system of reusing their bottles like they do in Europe, and in general putting out some tasty beverages. We sat with a lovely English couple, making jokes in the warm early afternoon sun, then made our way home.

We had a fabulous, much needed relaxing weekend. Hopefully this will be a new tradition for us, exploring the small towns around Texas.

Lent Week 2

I am the worst at keeping track of time. Ask anyone who knows me. The worst. I attribute my perpetual lateness to my being Latina, and my disregard for time and space? Well, I don't know. Personality and spontaneity. 

 

Hence, we're in the second week of lent and I totally blew the first week of fasting which was supposed to be food. The point of the fasts is to not just give something up and then not think about it but it's to do something in place of that given up thing, pray, meditate, journal, whatever. I have a bad tendency to skip meals because I get so wrapped up in the chaos of the day, feeding everyone else around me, that I have to actually work to NOT skip a meal because if I do that then I'll end up being super gluttonous at the next meal. So, I didn't want to fast a meal so much because, well, that part is easy. It's the remembering to do the other stuff instead that gets tricky.

 

I've done a lot of thinking about eating habits that I want to change, though, and I have landed on three: emotional, thoughtless, and over eating. Again with the Mexican heritage...sad? eat. tired? eat. happy? EAT! These three things I think are all wrapped up together for me. If I don't take the time to think about what I'm going to eat I'll eat whatever is nearby (I might have polished off some sausage last week when the hubs wasn't here even though I was supposed to be doing a raw vegan cleanse...) in a fit of hunger and poor planning. I don't know how to quantify that exactly, but it has been on my mind. Oh and the thoughtless eating part. I guess that's the part that I want to carry through these weeks of Lent. There are so many people in the world that have no idea where there next meal is going to come from that it embarrasses me to not put more thought into how and why I eat. 

I've wanted to be primarily vegan/vegetarian (pescatarian I think, to be exact), for so many years and though I've made great strides toward that goal, I have a tendency to make excuses. Especially if nobody is watching. So that's what I'm going to do 'til Easter - not make excuses, stick to vegetarianism. 

And then I'll eat some lamb for Easter.

Just kidding.

Maybe.

This is the start of the second week, where I'll be fasting TV and movies. This one honestly isn't too hard for me. We have a DVR and I know I can wait on the Bachelor, How I Met Your Mother, and whatever else might be coming on. I'm not really that into TV in the first place...or movies for that matter...but it's kind of like keeping cookies and crackers or ice cream in my house. If it's here, I'll indulge. If not, then it's not a big deal. I watch TV or a movie with my hubs to spend time with him because that's what he likes to do to unwind when he gets home, but I would rather be doing anything else. This'll be a good excuse to get my 30 minutes of guitar in ;)

The Music in Me

I've got so much music up in my bones it seems like a waste to not use it on a regular basis. I've come to a place where I'm finally getting into the groove of staying home and balancing what I want to do with music therapy. I always talk about wanting to be a better musician...even though I went through 8 years of music school...because without regular practice and review, that stuff gets dusty for me. Plus my undergraduate music education wasn't a time I spent doing a whole lot of practicing. Or studying, for that matter.

So, in accordance with my 12 for 2012 I wish to replace some idle time with...let's start with...30 minutes of music playing a night. It may not sound like a lot, but for someone who is going from 0 minutes a week to 210 minutes (3.5 hours) a week, I mean come on. Pretty good start. I have in my possession a ukulele, some guitars, a legit djembe, a piano, and a mandolin, along with instruction books for all of them. I am going to start out just learning chords so I can get my way around them, and then I'll start working on scales because I have always wanted to be able to improvise, and it'll also help me review my music theory.

I'll have to come up with some kind of schedule for this. Do I spend an entire week on just guitar or change it up every day? Maybe I can have a song number goal by the end of each week. Hm. Like, 5 new songs on the guitar by the end of this week, and then I can start over and learn those same songs on the ukulele, and so on. Plus, I'll bump my time up 5 minutes every week until I get to an hour. And every week I'll add a song. Yeah. I like that. If it sounds like overkill, I have to be method about it or else I'll never get to it.

Lucky for me I've been keeping a list of songs I want to learn, totally memorized, performance worthy, by the end of the week:

1. Blackbird - The Beatles
2. Your Hands - JJ Heller
3. Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
4. Someone Like You - Adele
5. La Flor De La Canela - Chabuca Granda

and in waiting so far we have:
6. Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne
7. Canta de Alma - Del Castillo (if anyone can find me a reliable source for chords and lyrics, that would be great. Haven't found one yet.)
8. Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton

This is the video I'm going to use to tackle Blackbird. I started learning it last year but it didn't stick with me, probably because I quit playing for awhile. It is for sure a mind and finger workout.

Resolution Roundup

Well so February is nearly over and I believe it's time to do a checkup on my Resolutions. Accountability, y'all.

1. Post once a week on my music therapy blog and on this blog.

Working on it.

2. Sew through the One Yard Wonders book I just got for Christmas

2. Be a better musician

This one deserves a blog post all its own, folks. It'll probably happen on a Monday.

3. Run a successful (read: profitable) Etsy shop

Good news: I opened my shop this month! Bad news: Nobody's bought anything yet. But I do have a custom order coming in that I just finished, so that'll get posted soon.

4. Cook my way through the Lee Brother's Simple Fresh Southern

Haven't. Even. Started. But if you don't have this book, you should get it.

5. Use raw veganism to get myself to my goal weight

 I just discovered Jenn on Twitter and am loving her and her raw vegan resources.

6. Run a half-marathon

Working on it. A little every day.

7. Publish my thesis in a music therapy journal

No progress.

8. Beef up my thesis and publish it as a book

No progress.

9. Go to yoga at least once a week

So good for me and yet for whatever reason SO HARD TO DO. Even with the yoga DVD's. (see #10)

10. Only watch 1 hour of television a day. Weekends included.

I have zero self-control. Hopefully my new revised #2 will factor into this.

11. Find a church and attend regularly

Sigh. No. I am, however, spending more time in spiritual pursuits (prayer, reading, etc.) and talking about Jesus with friends. That Ash Wednesday service really lit me up with inspiration.

12. Buy no clothes new for myself or my family (notice that I didn't say "no new clothes.")

Blog post about this comin' atcha. You didn't think I would go to San Fran and not return with any goodies?

Giving Up

In high school I gave up stuff for Lent because it was trendy. Not even gonna lie. I grew up in the Bible Belt and never put much thought into giving anything up. I would give up sodas or chocolate or gossip for like a week and then forget about it. Like everyone else. 

There is so much that is hitting me weirdly and strongly now that I'm a mom, and one thing is the observation of holidays. Holy days, to be more specific. I know a lot of people hate on Religion but I honestly find the ceremony and repetition of songs, hymns, and prayers to be comforting and beautiful. I think that's part of the reason I hate contemporary worship services so much. There is a rhythm to all things in life, and specific observations of the shifts in rhythm (birth, growth, death) reminds us (well, me at least) that God's the one who's got this thing under control and not me. Something I need reminding of kind of, oh I don't know, all the time.

The hubs grew up Methodist and I grew up nondenominational. I don't even know if I was supposed to capitalize the N in "nondenominational" right there. As far as I'm concerned, it's a big ol' paradox because I'm pretty sure now nondenominational is Nondenominational. If you know what I mean.

I never paid attention to this arbitrary Hangover Wednesday, but secretly coveted the ashes on everyone else's foreheads at school. I like being in clubs, ok?

So back to the point, I went to Methodist church today at noon (to get my ashes YEAH!) with a friend who has two kids, and my angel. Which means the kids outnumbered us 3 to 2. Which means that we got some DIRTY STINK EYES from a lady in purple two rows up MORE than once. Yes I saw that, and I'm pretty sure Jesus a) saw it too and b) doesn't care. And while we're at it, hopefully He doesn't care that I was rocking some baby bird chic hair and workout clothes because I might have accidentally locked my child in the car briefly after Stroller Strides and had PLANNED on taking a shower before church but I was too busy calling 911 and panicking. Yes, that really happened.

Sorry to be tangental. I'll get to the point here in a minute. I only have half of the sermon notes because I was too busy ripping it in half to keep my daughter from squirming/screaming/runningdowntheaisle and I hate to be all mothers-are-the-center-of-the-universe on you but I'm pretty sure Lent was made for mamas.

Example A: Hymn #526

(second verse)

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In His arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.

Example B: Prayer of Confession

Gracious God, how frayed our lives have become, a collection of loose ends, rushed relationships, and distand dreams. We have not kept our eyes upon your saving cross, nor listened with undivided attention to your voice. We have not loved you as you have loved us, nor have we loved our neighbor as ourselves. Forgive us, restore us, renew us. Lamb of God you take away the sins of the world; grant us your peace. Amen.

For real.

At any rate, I am really getting into this Lent thing this year and found this Lent Guide from The Village Church and though we don't attend there, it looks pretty amazing and I think I'm going to follow it. And probably write about it, except for when I have to give up technology for a week of course.

The Year of the Runner

I love to run. I didn't always love running, and it took me a long long time to get to the point where I really loved it. In fact, it was during my pregnancy when I COULDN'T run where I really fell in love with it. It's not always the way I feel before, during, or after, or even the early wake ups for the races. I love being around other runners, and there's a rush in the crowd that I get a contact high from just being there.

I said a long time ago that before I do another triathlon I'm really going to focus on my running. That was a couple years ago, and I am currently inspired by all the things the Livestrong Foundation does, so I'm going to get back in shape so that I can do some more races to raise money for cancer support. To that end, I have decided to take up the Hal Higdon method of training and since I am nursing a couple weird knee injuries, I am going to just go ahead and start all the way over. I walked my 30 minutes today, intending to do the walk/run in the middle but my left knee protested, so I just walked. I don't really have a 5K in mind at the moment, though there's one in my hometown in June that is quite tempting. I'm just going to start training and see how it goes - turns out there's a half for pretty much every month of the year in Texas. So yeah - here's to getting to that goal weight and joining the half marathon crowd!

Monday Music Madness

While I THINK about this blog about once a week, I think I'm utterly failing on posting every week. I should really get into that whole "scheduling" thing where I write more than one post a week and then set it to look like I'm actually posting once a week but then I'd have to actually sit down and gather my thoughts more than once a week! And there's so much crafting and musicking and what not to be done! EESH! 

Okay. So, I'm not really that busy. I mean, I kind of am, in that I have been gone a week and just got back a couple days ago and am trying to get my house back in order but my brain, oh my brain is way too busy for its own good. And then I have the insatiable cuteness of my daughter to contend with, who is quickly becoming one amazingly determined and vocal child. I counted the other day and she can say close to 30 words. I'm not saying that because I'm bragging, I'm saying that because the things 14 months olds want to say have a lot to do with the fact that they are hungry, they want to dance, and they really, REALLY want to play with your phone. 

"PONE?" nope.

"PONE?" no, honey, go find something else to do.

"PONE? PONE? PONE? PONE? PONE?" okay fine we'll call alita again.

It being Monday I have a certain amount of guilt surrounding the fact that I wanted to spend Mondays talking about music. I've been thinking a lot about the live music I've consumed over the years, starting when I was quite young and my uncle was a guitar tech for JIMMY...

wait for it

...BUFFET!

So there I was, with my dad and about 10,352 middle age folks in flowy gowns and bermuda shorts (shirtless, if we were so lucky), singing about hamburgers and screws and all kinds of other stuff. Backstage did have a certain allure...all instruments and roadies and people who were really busy getting something done before the big show started.

Fast forward to high school, where I turned 15 and was only let into a SCABS show because we told the door guy I was 16, oh and by the way my cousin was in the band. All I knew is I was on 6th street and it was WAY past my curfew. "breakfast" at 2am at the Magnolia Cafe sold me on the live music life. I was addicted. Since then, I have taken in an absurd amount of live music. I'm not one of those people who has to know every song and every life detail of the band I'm seeing...I don't necessarily have to even really be clear on the genre. I just want to be in the crowd, yell back to the singer(s) on stage when they say "GIMME A _________!!!" and be in the energy of the music. 

Part of the reason I love music and music therapy so much is because music is never the same. You can listen to the same recording of the same pianist and orchestra playing a piece twice in a row, and the second time it is different just for the very fact that time has passed and you now have heard the song once already and your brain hears the music differently. Similarly, live music and recorded music have absolutely nothing on each other. There are albums that I have worshipped for their craftmanship and ingenuity in the studio, and then there are performances that I have left a better person. 

While bathing my daughter today I had a hankering for The Weepies, so we listened to them as we splashed. They have a special place in my heart because they had never played Dallas before and DAYS after my due date of November 14th, they were playing at my favorite venue. I had to go. I HAD to go. It got to the week before and I reasoned that if I got tickets and went into labor, I could get rid of them easily. If I went into labor AT the show, I would have a baby and an awesome story later that night, so that would be a double win. I also knew that if I didn't get those tickets and didn't in fact have a baby anywhere near that time, I would kick myself.

Well, turns out I was WAY off on that due date, and I am SO VERY GLAD I got those tickets.
Dallas has historically infuriated me because I have been to shows where either 1) the audience should be dancing! It's GRUPO FANTASMA FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! DANCE! and guess what? no dancing. 2) the audience is talking ever so casually in a low hum under the amazing (for example) banjo stylings of Bela Fleck. I don't expect utter silence at a show, but I do expect some sort of involvement, whether that be a respectful interest or busting a salsa move or three. It's a sign of respect, I think. 

The Weepies, though...everyone was completely silent through just about the whole show. I read recently that it's supposedly some "hipster" thing, which wouldn't really surprise me, and there was a point in the show where a heckler got the stink eye and shushed angrily by pretty much the entire audience. But oh, how The Weepies deserved the silence. From what I gathered at the show, their lyrical genius is driven by the female half of the duo, Deb Talan. She has a remarkable way with words, and their music more often than not brings me to tears of joy and/or sadness, depending on the time of day and the song. What I love about them is that their music isn't boring. It doesn't all sound the same, they have a fun way of saying some pretty deep stuff, and their music is relatable to all those awkward moments where you think you'll never be able to describe _______ in words and then there she is, breaking your heart with the words "and the world spins madly on." The music is equally great, simple, and straightforward. 

The other thing that made this live show so ridiculously incredible was that they were absolutely hilarious, in a moderately tasteful, sometimes off-color, unabashedly honest way. There is nothing I don't love about this duo and if you have the chance to go see them, you absolutely will not regret it.

haphazard gardening goodness

Winter has been driving me crazy, y'all. It's been cold, my family has been sick, and I've had to resort to throwing open the windows to get fresh air and clear out the funk in my house. To make matters worse, I would pass by my bleak, untended garden and sigh half-heartedly, trying to decide if and when I wanted to plant anything until Springtime. You see, North Texas has had a horribly mild winter, and I keep thinking it's going to freeze. This time last year, it snowed for a week. With every high-of-mid-50s-low-60s days that pass, my doubt grows.

So finally, in a fit of impatience and impulse, I raided my favorite gardening store for cures for the common pre-Springtime blahs. One corner of my garden is rocking the tender greens, herbs, and chard that I planted in the fall, so of course that section is looking super sexy. 

Sadly, the other 3/4 of the garden was horrid. Dusty brown old mulch, dead plants, YUCK. Enter: gardening madness:

Here's what I planted: 

Edibles

Bok Choy (purple)

Chamomile

Chard (bright lights)
Collard Greens

Dill (sacrificial)

Dinosaur Kale *

Lavender

Radicchio

Spinach

Thyme

Violas

Purely Aesthetic

Pansies

Ranunculus

Some cute little white flower that I couldn't find the tag for

PHEW! I am finally standing by "love the garden you've got." I will no longer lament the lack of sun needed to grow gorgeous tomatoes and peppers in the hot summer sun. Instead I will eat my fill of collard greens, kale, and herbs.

* The dinosaur kale was my super epic find, and I think I planted either 3 or 4 - I juice a few leaves of this plant every morning with an apple and an orange, as it's supposed to help with thyroid imbalance. Now instead of buying it I can go out and pick me some to juice! If you know anything about me you know how happy this makes me.

I have heard that mothering and gardening are two difficult things to have coexist...especially when your child is recovering from a cough and it's cold outside and the days are still short and your hubby gets home after it gets dark sometimes. Today I discovered the magical antidote for that: NAPTIME.

Speaking of naptime, I've got miles to go before she wakes up. Anyone out there have plans for your Spring garden?

fighting the blahs

and, in other news I started reading several things as of late - I cannot get enough bookage at the moment. I'm quite in the middle of ALL of following:

This book...wow...makes you look at your closet in a whole new way.

got the above book because it was mentioned in "7" - hoping to start a weekly Shabbat. Me and the hubs have been talking about it for years. It should've been one of my resolutions.

It is because of this book and then checking out this blog right here that I have hereby resolutely and definitively decided to have a sunnier outlook on life and quit taking myself so seriously. Yes, even if I've been barfed on 4 times, yes, even if I'm blue on the edges from the weirdness of motherhood. I really am blessed, and it's high time I start acting like it. Even if I have to fake it 'til I make it.

yoga-licious

Okay so I know one of my resolutions is to do yoga once a week, and I assumed that it meant I would be going to classes once a week. However, I recently ordered some yoga DVDs to do here at home because -get this- the hubs is going to be doing the yogas with me! I figure I can do one a day, depending on when I wake up and when/if the nugget sleeps. I have found that moving my body, breathing, all that stuff, helps center my brain and my heart so that I can face everything else with a little more joy. I'm stoked that my tall-dark-and-handsome will be doing this as well because I think it'll be a good stress reliever. Plus he's about as flexible as a 2x4.

Some other stuff I'm doing is writing in my journal every day, which helps me filter a lot of the endless stream of consciousness in my head and get it out. What came out yesterday was the concept of being replaced. I suppose this isn't a particularly fair assessment, because I know that once I became a mama, things changed...friendships changed...I changed. I consider myself to be a very loyal friend, and am glad in some ways that I am the first of my Dallas friends (ie the ones I see all the time) to have a kid because I have so much perspective now, and know how to be a better friend...not just to other mamas but just in general. In some ways it's been hard though because I have had to find community with other mamas, which meant doing a lot of work getting to know new people and families and doing that whole 'need a friend? be a friend' thing. I am generally viewed as an outgoing, bubbly person, but at my core I am an introvert and very rooted in my friendships so when I was faced with having to find a new support system FAST, I was overwhelmed. I dove in, and thankfully have found some incredible friends pretty much in my own back yard and have had the opportunity to connect with some old friends online who are now moms. Thank you Facebook.

The thing is that it still hurts is not knowing that the carefree, spontaneous days have dwindled, but more than that is seeing and hearing about close friends doing things that I used to do with them...things that they no longer think to invite me to. Which is just as well in a lot of cases - my hours of happiness are usually spent fixing dinner and having a dance party with/attempting to feed and sometimes getting food thrown at me by my baby girl. 

And the late nights, I've already learned the hard way, are just not an option any more. Staying out is fun and great, but it's as if they know, and every time without fail that's the night your sweet angel will wake up bright eyed and rarin' to go at 3am. And you WILL have a headache from the bubbly, and you WILL hate life. It is just NOT worth it. I get that, and I spent a lot of time in college having the time of my life and watching the sunrise. It's time to move along to other things. It's just that (ugh I can't believe I'm saying this) I miss my old girlfriends, and like to think that maybe I'm not just viewed as a mama now. It's a constant battle in my head - part of me wants to type "so what if you are?! quit your bellyaching and enjoy the ride!" and then the sensitive overly analytical side wants to be all "pity? party of one? your table's ready." I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that when I was prego I was really, really sick, and really, really flaky because I just could not figure out when I was going to be okay and when I was going to be queasy.

So anyway. Every day is a learning experience and I am thankful for the moms I have met this past year that have helped me along. I don't know if I've mentioned this before but right when I decided to stay home with Addy I had lunch with one of my husband's coworkers who I greatly admire and she said something that has stuck with me - that being a stay at home mom "can be really isolating." I found that statement to be so weird because everyone says "It takes a village!" - which, it truly does. What they don't tell you is that a lot of times (maybe just in Western culture?) the village doesn't just appear, you have to go out and build it yourself.

Anyone out there with or without kiddos who can relate?

meatballs.

A few years ago we came across this recipe for delightful winter pork balls and chard. It is probably the most requested dish I get from the hubby, and I generally oblige happily. On a recent road trip, whilst planning this week's menu he mentioned he'd like for me to make them, but wanted to find a way to get the same flavors but with less meat. 

Let's just say I nailed it. 

Here's what I did: 

1. Cook up a pot of white beans (I forgot to soak them last night, let's hope we're not too gassy for it) - like, as much as you would get in a 15oz can. I'm still on the dry beans kick. SO ECONOMICAL. Drain them in a colander and set aside.

2. Brown 1/4 lb pork in a medium sized pot. Add a splash of olive oil.  Throw half a chopped red onion on top, along with three or four cloves of garlic, stir.

3. Chop up a bunch of mushrooms into bite-sized pieces and add those to the pot. Add salt and pepper, a dash of cumin, some Caldo de Pollo (yes, I know it has MSG, yes I know it's not vegetarian ((neither is the sausage)) but I'm trying to use it up so I can get it out of my house. I have a problem with throwing away perfectly good food), and add a pinch of cinnamon. You can add more later if you feel like you need it. 

4. Stir it all up, and let the flavors combine a bit. I am adept at scorching pans, so I usually sautee things until they are browning the pan, then I add a little water, let the water cook out, add more water, and so it goes. When you get tired of this, add 4 cups of water, and add in the beans.

5. Bring to a boil, then let simmer at least half an hour to however long to get it to the consistency you like. I don't like my soups to be super runny, but not too thick.

6. Grab some bright lights chard out of your garden or a bunch from the store and tear the leaves from the stems with your hands. Toss the chard leaves into the soup pot and let them cook until the leaves turn bright green, about 5-10 minutes. You don't want to overly wilt the chard.

7. Grab some crusty bread and go to town!

In other news, I joined a local Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) group called Urban Acres! Every other weekend we get a half share (15lbs) of local, organic produce! I'm super excited! I participated in one while I interned in Austin and it was absolutely wonderful - especially the part where you never really knew what was going to show up in your bin. I can't wait to see what the local farms have to offer!

there's an app for that

Margaret Mason over at Mighty Girl (holy cow that woman has a lot to say) posted this about apps to help you keep your resolutions. You know, in case you're not so great at that purely intrinsic motivation thing.

This weekend was an epic failure in the raw veganism department. I had breakfast tacos at least 10 times in 2 days (I mean, we were in Austin) and then at my friend's son's birthday, it was a "ball" theme so you best believe I not only put away a hamburger (for shame!) but equal to or more than my weight in sausage balls. Eesh. I heard on NPR last night that a lady quit smoking by her friend telling her that every time she smoked a cigarette she was going to send $5,000 to the KKK. That's my kind of motivation.

In other news, yesterday we came home with the intention of going to the grocery store but then my hubs got a gleam in his eye...the one that says "We have enough food. Let's just create something out of what we have here." If there's something sexier than a man who will roast garlic just for funsies on a Sunday night, I dare you to show it to me.

Here's what we had:

1 butternut squash

bright lights chard from the garden

LOTS of garlic

leftover pasta

pine nuts

spinach

red onions & green onions

1 portobello mushroom

herbs from the garden: rosemary, thyme, parsley

We took the butternut squash, peeled it and cubed it into 1" pieces, then tossed it with olive oil and salt and pepper and roasted it in the oven on 450F for 10-15 minutes, then cut the mushroom up and added it to the pan in the oven. At the same time, we popped a couple ends-cut-off, olive oil drizzled, foil-wrapped garlic(s?) in the oven. While I fed baby A, he sauteed the red onions and chard stems on the stove, then added everything else including the yumminess from the oven and sauteed it a bit to combine all the flavors. I'd leave you with a picture but, uh, I ate the last bit of it for lunch. It was crazy good. 

My favorite thing in the world is cooking like that - deciding to forego the store and make it work with what you've already got. Is there a stroke of culinary genius you've had in a pinch like this? Please share!

fingers to the bone

Welp, I was going to open my Etsy shop on January 1st buuuuut...let's face it. The Christmas cards aren't even out yet and I feel like I have been on a Tilt-A-Whirl since Thanksgiving. These next couple weeks I'm going to spend getting my house back from 2 weeks of being swept up in the family holiday madness, taking the tree down, going through A's old toys (and a lot of other stuff in the house) to give away or donate, generally putting everything back together again. I said I would post at least once a week on this blog, so here it is! Checked off the list! 

The other thing I did today was a mad grocery trip to Whole Foods. I did the "meh - holidays" thing in terms of my diet and exercise and found to my horror that I'm up SEVEN WHOLE POUNDS since Thanksgiving. Seeing as I'm giving my leg a break from running, I'm going to have to 1) get my walk on every day. EVERY DAY. and 2) STOP EATING SO MUCH. I have the WORST self-control when it comes to portion control. Awful. I love love LOVE food, and I don't have an "off" switch with the whole fullness thing. I'm trying so hard to be more mindful of when that still, small voice in my head stretches back and says "yup. Full." because my tendency is to sucker punch it and eat the rest of what's on my plate because hey, the hubs and I are excellent cooks.

The good news is that being back home means being out of the Land of Casseroles (the Midwest) and back to our regularly scheduled veganism. Phew. On the menu today includes a delicious apple, kale, ginger smoothie, some tomatoes and hummus for lunch, apples and oranges for snacks, and some black eyed peas with greens for dinner tonight.

My days are filled with sorting, organizing, tossing, composting, making food and the like, and I've decided that if I'm going to run a successful Etsy shop, I'm going to have to dedicate at least an hour every night of making something. Last night I crocheted a chunky navy blue headband/earwarmer, inspired by my cousin Calley who was wearing a grey one at Christmas. I have some ideas on what kinda flair I want to add, but first I need to make a bunch. The good news is I whipped it out in an evening while watching Our Idiot Brother. Heartwarming and hilarious, in case you're in need of a good flick. Okay, back to the grind. Happiest of Happy New Years to you!

outings

The other day I hit my local thrift store in search of comfy threads. I do not want to be a sweatpants-and-tshirt kind of mama. Or even a jeans-all-the-time kind of mama. I want to be able to put something on that expresses my personality, who cares if I'm just going to Target. This means that the things I'm looking for must be durable, washable (hel-lo messy eater in my face all the time), appropriate to wear to playdates, and above all: comfortable enough to wear while rolling around on the floor.

Whilst checking out, the girl behind the counter asked if I am told frequently that I bear a strong resemblance to Maggie Gyllenhaal, to which I replied, "Yeah. All the time." It's the truth. Especially when my hair is cut into this asymmetrical bob and has any sort of curl in it whatsoever. I may or may have not used that mistaken identity to my advantage a night or two back in Austin.

Anyway, she went on to sigh, "Wow it must be such a burden to have such a strong resemblance to a celebrity." 

Someone has to bear it.

Oh and yes I found some sweet threads there. Post coming soon on that one.

I recently was diagnosed with a small tear in my right medial meniscus which according to the orthopedist means I need surgery (not going to happen buddy) either now or later when it gets worse and according to my chiropractor and massage therapist means that I have to reduce the frequency and intensity of my workouts to 50%, do some daily icing and heating, take glucosamine/chondritin supplements, lose weight (20 pounds 'til I'm at my goal), and not play team sports like soccer or basketball (um, check.)

I went about a week and a half before going completely crazy. First off, winter has shown up in spades here in the metroplex and second, I am a WUSS in the cold. I absolutely HATE being cold and not being able to warm up and because I live in Texas have a skewed view of how to dress appropriately (what do you MEAN I have to wear SOCKS?). I think A being born last year about this time and my demands request to keep the house around 75 totally screwed me up. I remember thinking, "Why is everyone wearing coats when they come to see me? It's warm in here," not remembering that it was icy out.

Also traumatizing was being the first leg of the White Rock Marathon Relay team last Sunday, where it was not only cold but rained on me for five miles. I called the hubs on the way home, teeth literally chattering, and asked him to p-p-p-lee-e-e-a-s-e m-m-m-ake m-me a f-f-f-f-f-fire and some t-t-t-t-tea.

Yesterday I had a straight up case of cabin fever. I was dejected. Useless. Depressed. Not only do I crave sunlight to function, I need that extra serotonin boost so my brain doesn't spiral out of control. I also desperately need to keep a regular schedule for myself or else I get exactly nothing done and have no motivation to do anything.

Today, I did me some modified stroller strides and WOW my brain is buzzing. It always amazes me how wonderful working out makes me feel and how lost I would be without it.

Speaking of feeling wonderful, have you started thinking about your New Year's Resolutions? I tend to be really theoretical on this thing and have realized that by the end of the year I have not in any way stuck to my goals. So this time, I'm reaching deep into my scientific(ish) brain and coming up with measurable goals.

1. Post once a week on my music therapy blog and on this blog
2. Sew through the One Yard Wonders book I just got for Christmas
3. Run a successful (read: profitable) Etsy shop
4. Cook my way through the Lee Brother's Simple Fresh Southern
5. Use raw veganism to get myself to my goal weight
6. Run a half-marathon
7. Publish my thesis in a music therapy journal
8. Beef up my thesis and publish it as a book
9. Go to yoga at least once a week
10. Only watch 1 hour of television a day. Weekends included.
11. Find a church and attend regularly
12. Buy no clothes new for myself or my family (notice that I didn't say "no new clothes.")

That sounds about right. 12 goals for 2012. What are your 12?

Anthro Inspired Cork Ball

Around May-ish I went to Anthropologie and saw some wonderful decorations. Pretty much everything they do is crazy inspiring and I love to go in that store to not only get inspired by what is in the store but also how it is decorated. 

Anyway, I saw these cork balls:

...and needed some for my own. So here you go, a magnificiently mellifluous tutorial!

you'll need:

Seriously - however much cork and glue you think you'll need, you'll need more. Enlist your closest winos friends and family to donate corks to you. You'll also need some Elmer's glue, burlap, and some Spanish moss - all these things are available at your nearest craft store.

I have a small hot glue gun and use 3-5 pumps of glue for each cork. 

I recommend adding the moss outside, as it can get drippy and messy. Just poke the moss down in between the cork with your fingers, or use a pencil/crochet hook/chop stick

.

 You can also paint or glitter the end of your corks for some added zing and then use them year-round for decorations that change with the seasons...add some sparkley stars, snowmen, or tiny reindeer for Christmas...the possibilities are endless! Let me know if you have any questions :)