D is for Dallas

Six-years-ago-me hates that this blog series is even going to happen, but I have something I need to share with you guys: 

I love Dallas. 

I have recently found myself defending its hidden awesomeness up one side and down the other, even bristling when someone else who lives in the Metroplex and PLAYS REGULARLY in Dallas got all high and mighty about how much better Fort Worth is. Now, Fort Worth is awesome. I love the culture, love the vibe, and love the people sporting their boots and cowboy hats just because it's Tuesday. Yes it is more country and more laid back. However, in my opinion it in no way compares to Dallas at all. Not in that Dallas is better by any stretch of the imagination, but that trying to compare the two is like trying to compare apples to oranges. You don't hate the orange because it doesn't taste like an apple. That's just silly. It's kind of the same as trying to compare Austin to Dallas. If Dallas is your old rich Aunt, Austin is your dreadlocked hippie college-aged cousin. You don't love one more than the other, you love and interact with them differently. Maybe you happen to know that despite her big hair and fake boobs your Aunt loves to frequent farmer's markets in her pearls and stilettos and at the same time you wish your cousin had gotten his degree in efficient infrastructure planning instead of skipping class to smoke pot.

When I got here, I hated it. I hated the people, hated the vibe, hated that everyone my age around me seemed to either have it all together or look a whole lot prettier while they were working and playing so much harder than I was. I remember going to the Ghost Bar for a friend's bachelorette party and being completely disgusted. I was supposed to spend the night in the hotel that night and ended up asking Mr. S to pick me up because it was so terrible. Granted, my introduction to Dallas came at a really lonely time in my life - I was engaged and planning a wedding remotely (in Austin) and I was working on and commuting to my first year of graduate school from Arlington to Denton while my fiance lived in Dallas. It was just totally a blur. I was homesick for the hill country and my friends, who were for the most part all still in Austin finishing their degrees and having fun together on a regular basis. Pair all that with a significant other who is more of a homebody to my PLAYPLAYPLAY! nature and boom. Dallas Hater.

Fast-forward to three years ago and meeting Annie. We are both music therapists, foodies, runners, life enthusiasts, we hit it off immediately while volunteering at a grief camp. She had done her internship in Dallas and had spent that time exploring all the culinary, beverage, and breakfast taco delights Dallas had to offer, and when we started working together, we started playing - hanging out at different bars and trying new restaurants. The veil was officially lifted on the previously hidden wonderfulness that Dallas had to offer. Our friendship is definitely in a different season now what with me having a toddler and the whole life-shift that having kids and living in the 'burbs brings but she and I still meet a random restaurants or food trucks that we have hear are great and we scheme our next 5K races and/or restaurant adventures.

While all this was happening, different neighborhoods have enjoyed a gentrification or awesomeing up. Oak Cliff is an absolute gem if a bit of a drive for me, East Dallas is probably the closest to Austin Dallas will ever get, and I'm starting to explore Deep Ellum. More importantly, my very own neighborhood continues to surprise and delight me in different ways every week. The people here are incredible, and I have found and helped foster a really fun and supportive community of parents and kids.  And that's just in my back yard. ON TOP OF THAT there have been city renovations that have caught my eye, namely the new Klyde Warren Park, Perot Museum, the Dallas Museum of Art now offering free admission, and the endless floral enchantment of the Dallas Arboretum. 

 So, there's the background on my idea of writing about why I have come to love Dallas. Mostly because I have found lots of Austin or hill country expats struggling to find their footing in this concrete jungle where big hair and thirty-thousand-dollar millionaires abound. Dallas in fact is all those things you hear about it. The people can be really overly flashy and rude (especially if you're vying for a seat on a patio when the weather is awesome), there's gobs of silicone running around here, and there's a very real disconnect between where people live and where they work, which can lead to never knowing your neighbors and spending a lot of time in the car on highways that never seem to ever be finished with construction. 

But that's not what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about the side of Dallas that takes some persistent digging to find, that really I didn't get to know until I had a kid and really settled in to knowing who I am and finding/creating my village. Another part of this has been really paying attention to that whole "bloom where you're planted" philosophy or something that I read on an internet meme a week or so ago:

There is no longer any point in hating Dallas because it's where I am right now, and hating it just seems like such a waste of time I could be spending enjoying life.

So buckle up. You're not going to believe the incredible things I have discovered.

Craftology

My favorite local craft store is putting on a competition where you compete to win a schmancy new sewing machine by actually making the things you've pinned on Pinterest. I signed up to do it, but first I had to clean up my mess of a craft room. I'm nowhere near that. but here are some before pictures...

I hadn't finished cleaning the floor OR pulling up the tackboard...so that was my first order of business.

Piles and piles and piles and piles. Ugh.

My manky shelf I'm not quite sure what to do with...I want to replace it but am not quite sure how or with what yet...or that I even want to replace it because I have a tendency to just pile up crap.

I was however given a painting from a dear friend, which wrapped up this wall! So that makes one half of one wall finished. Six more halves to go? The good news is that my sewing table/station is clear and good to go.

This is the pile of stuff I have to mend. So, I started tackling it one piece at a time.

I wear a lot of tights, and just started a new West African dance class, so I decided to patch 'em up...

...in a not-so-subtle manner.

And this is my favorite maxi dress. It ripped, like, two years ago.

So I fixed it!

That's all for now. I've got a ton of projects to wade through, and hopefully I can win this thing!

Pleasantly Surprised

I have to admit - since I had tailored my entire education and experience to work with kids, and since I have quite the knack for the kiddos, I thought working with adults was going to be less than. Less than fulfilling, less than magical, less than challenging.

I was so wrong. 

This past Friday, day 6 into this journey I found myself asking...well..myself, "How many transcendent days can one feasibly have in a row?" Between the blues songwriting and the life histories and the connections to music and the tears shed and the singing of not just the patient but the doctors and nurses through bone marrow aspirations...

I am humbled. And so glad to be back at it.

This week I'll be in San Antonio for our region's annual conference and am looking forward to drum circles and learning and networking and music-making and of course, more drumming.

About to get a little cray cray up in here

I got a job! Or rather, a job got me. I wasn't even looking and got a phone call from a hospital wanting a music therapist for their adult cancer patients. I'm thrilled, excited, and so, so nervous! The best part is that the schedule fits in beautifully with the rhythm of our little family and I'll be home most days of the week with my nugget...who referred to herself as "the nugget" the other day, and has started saying things like, "actually..." and "I don't believe you!"

This weekend I hung out in San Antonio with family to get a few things in order. My grandmother is getting up there in age and everyone is scrambling to support each other, so my sister and I went to help out just the two of us. Our visit was a HUGE success - we had time to hang out with abuela, our mom, her dad, our brother, aunt and uncle, and best of all, spent 10 hours in the car together! We haven't been able to bond like that in quite some time. It was awesome. I missed being at home with my little family but not having to chase a husband and toddler meant that I could be fully present to the situation that presented itself and really get to dig in. 

As we were leaving this morning I was reminded of Ghandi's encouragement to "be the change you wish to see in the world," and it dawned on me in my groggy half-awakeness that sometimes that means to just show up. BE there. And then watch some crazy profound magic happen.

Happy weekend!

Too Fast Too Furious

A guaranteed way to get a mom to punch you (or at least strongly consider it) is to say something along the lines of "Enjoy this time - it goes by so quickly." While I've found early childhood to be downright exhausting and exhilarating and I heard that line over and over and over and over, it wasn't any help whatsoever. It didn't make time slow down or go faster or make me NOT wish that the 2am wakings would end. 

For whatever reason, maybe the PPD, maybe leaving my job and feeling weird about it, maybe feeling the need to somehow stay plugged in to music therapy and eventually "get back into it" I did, however, find myself looking for every opportunity to get A to sleep faster or more efficiently so that I could have time to go do whatever I wanted to. That little taste of pseudo-freedom was so intoxicating that while rocking her to sleep I would think, "Now would be a great time to just crash out in the rocking chair with her. Okay well...but there's all this other stuff I need to do, (insert dishes-research-writing-musicking-facebooking(VOMIT)-laundry-cleaning-sweeping-mopping-catchingupwithpeople-phonecalls-sewing-cooking-never-ending)" and I would justify to myself that I am so talented and my brain needs to keep working or I have a master's degree and was I really cut out for this SAHM thing and should she do a mother's day out and on and on and on...

...and then one day she moved from her crib to a mattress on the floor and she didn't want to be rocked any more, and it broke me to pieces. I am in fact tearing up as I type this. Not saying I didn't EVER not fall asleep with her in my arms, I just really honestly thought that it WOULD last. I didn't have any previous experience to know how abruptly it would end.

I recently completed a worksheet from this book that had the statement, "Imagine yourself at the end of your life looking back...what do you regret?" or something like that. Now, we all know the people who are like, "I live life with no regrets!" and for the most part I have to call bullshit. If you're going through life skipping through KNOWING that every decision you make is absolutely the best one for you right then, then you've stopped learning. I have the feeling that the rest of us are consistently saying to ourselves, "oops. That sucked. I'll try better next time." To my surprise I found myself journaling that I would probably wish that I had been kinder to some people, and that I would have reveled in the gloriousness that was the present moment a little bit more. Would have enjoyed the gifts that I was given to the fullest.

Kinda like the song by The Weepies - "Please Speak Well of Me" which I have included for your open-weeping pleasure:

The part that always gets me is -

Looking back now
I only wish I had been kinder
Did I ever know love, did I ever know love?
And could I have been blinder?

Okay so the whole song gets me every time. 

I have no idea what they're actually talking about in this song - maybe a romantic relationship or whatever but I tend to find little bits of songs and know they were meant just for me. I mean, if I could fall in love with my unborn kid and be brought to tears because of a Ke$ha song, anything is possible.

So yeah. The other night I was watching How I Met Your Mother and Alyson Hannigan took me apart with the most beautiful scene in the world. (fast forward to 14:32) I said out loud to the hubs, "Oh my word someone gets it. And just said it out loud. Oh my God." And then I cried. Apparently a whole lot of other mamas did the same thing. I don't still feel like that, but I remember clearly thinking just that several times in the first year. The shock of having something so beautiful and vulnerable completely dependent upon you is downright frightening, and it was moving to be validated like that. Even though it was through a tv show.

The world indeed moves on and the days are long and the years are short, but all I can do right now is snuggle up and snooze with my daughter in the middle of the day. I have no control over the decisions I made in the past, but I can bliss-out in the sweetness of the present, to do better next time. And then give myself grace. And you know what? Today she wouldn't nap, and because she had requested being wrapped up in a blanket a couple days ago I asked, "Do you want me to wrap you up?" She quit screaming right there and said, "YES!" and so I swaddled her up and started bouncing and shushing her like when she was itty bitty. And she passed out. So maybe those little moments don't ever go away. I just want to pay closer attention.

Food for the Kiddos

I just got back from a MOPS meeting where we had a presenter on the importance of nutrition, and it reminded me of an Email that I recently sent to my sister-in-law and cousin about little miss A's pretty amazing eating habits. My kid eats like a rock star. Mr. S. and I made the decision early on that growing an appreciation for food in our daughter is super important to us and we took specific steps accordingly. Anyway, what follows is the Email I sent.

--------------

Hey Loves,

I wanted to tell you how awesome it was to have you notice what a good eater A is. It is something I really wanted to focus on and have her be a diverse eater. I am so proud of her and it made me feel so good to have someone notice. I wanted to send y'all resources and thoughts that have been helpful to us when tackling food and approaches and such.

First up is 'Super Baby Food' by Ruth Yaron. It has tons of great healthy recipes and foundational principles of child nutrition. I get into ruts and this book is my go-to for new ideas and reminders of why we are doing this. It's a huge book, and so useful. Don't read the whole thing and get all overwhelmed - I have found it much more manageable to get in there and read just the developmental level appropriate for whatever stage A is in. There are SBF kits you can get including ice cube trays to make it all easier - just look them up on Amazon. I used to think the mini prep baby food maker things were dumb but if I could have something that would steam AND purée my food with the push of a button? Maybe I will get one for kid #2. The author of the next book talks about using these things and as far as I am concerned, whatever makes it easier is totally worth it. I stay home and I have the time, but something more convenient would be worth it.

Next is 'French Kids Eat Everything' by Karen le Billon. I am not a French-culture worshipper or anything and was hesitant to read this because I hate parenting books that make you feel bad about what you're doing wrong. I ended up really liking this book because it read more like an anthropology book. It did a lot of comparing of the subtleties of Western and European food culture and Mr. S and I had a lot of conversations about what kind of food culture we wanted to create within our family. It raised a bunch of questions of our own personal eating habits and where those come from, and there were some things we wanted to tweak - especially me because I come from a cultural heritage of, "hungry? Eat! Sad? Eat! Bored? Eat!" It has good recipes at the end, which the whole family has enjoyed. This is the book where we got our no snacking rule - that's a lot of why A eats the way she does - home girl is hungry :)

Another good resource is Weelicious.com but it's more of a supplement to the above books.

More things we think about are local availability and seasonality, where our food is coming from (what we wanted to buy organic or not - EWG.com has a clean and dirty list that we try and shop by. There is also emerging research on how pesticides and GMO foods effect children that I can track down and send if you want) and also what A sees us eat. Food in season just straight up tastes better. We hate eating tomatoes in December because they come from far away and are mealy and gross - I wouldn't expect A to be passionate about food that doesn't taste good. Some books and videos that have guided our food philosophy include Food, Inc. (there is a whole chapter in this film about a child who contracted E-coli and died after eating a fast food burger on a road trip. It is incredibly informative) and anything by Michael Pollan. In terms of watching us eat, we make sure to eat meals together as often as possible. We sometimes eat breakfast all together, and A and I sit down and eat together for lunch (if we're not out and if we are we have packed a lunch or are sitting at a restaurant), and we always always eat dinner together. Babies are little imitators and it almost goes without saying that if they see their parents eating food, then they'll get curious and want to eat. Also, if we have hangups or things we won't eat, we can't expect our kids to have diverse tastes. I have started tackling the things I tend to avoid (fish), and adding different foods (leeks or kohkrabi or fennel) to our menus. Being a part of vegetable co-op has helped with all the above.

Out of sheer laziness I didn't want to make or buy separate meals for her so would start her on purées of stuff we were already eating, having her food be simpler versions of ours but also simplifying our food to make it more accessible. If the developmental stage called for starting her on bananas and avocados, we would have bananas and avocados more in our meals, and so on, as her choices broadened.

Mr. S has a couple things to add. First, we skipped baby food meat altogether, and just waited until she had almost if not all of her teeth to introduce it. I am pretty sure she ate salmon before any other kind of meat because it was so soft. She also may have gnawed on a pork rib before actually eating the meat. Keep in mind that the addition of meat makes their poop more like real person poop. I therefore put it off as long as possible and we had actual conversations as to whether we wanted to wait until she was pooping in a toilet before making her an omnivore. We learned that for a kid to go from not liking to liking a food it takes something like 15 to 20 tries. I can't remember if the above books talk about it, but I do know that the French book suggests offering the foods a bunch of different ways to keep 'em guessing. We tried a bunch of different textures of the same things - making different consistencies of the same food (cauliflower steamed or in a puree) as well as adding different flavors (cauliflower with fennel in a puree). Something we have run into recently is getting her to eat her vegetables first if there is also, say chicken and noodles (her passion) on her plate. This has translated to eating more in courses (another French trick) - there is a squash and spinach soup we love to lead with - and making sure that the most important things make it onto her plate first. Mr. S is also really good at keeping things light at the dinner table, making eating exciting and fun.

We also talk all the time about not using food as a reward, and not bribing her with, say, dessert, to get her to eat anything. We want her to have a healthy and exuberant appreciation for food with no guilt attached and there are so many facets to consider and discuss. I don't remember where I read it - maybe in 'Unconditional Parenting' - but at some point we have to accept that our kids are their own person and there's no amount of cajoling, controlling, or forcing of food that is going to intrinsically motivate a child to love new foods. As they get older the best thing we can do is provide them with healthy and diverse food and introduce it in encouraging ways and the rest is up to the kid.

All that to say there are for sure times that I grab the Amy's mac n cheese. It took me a long time to work through all the questions I had of our own eating habits at the same time trying to stay on top of steaming, pureeing and organizing bags of frozen baby food but it has been all kinds of worth it.

Let me know if you have any questions or need advice on anything - we all know I am bossy as all get out and love telling people what to do ;)

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So...there you go.  Food is crazy important - I believe it's the foundation on which everything else in life (physically at least) is built. Immunity, mental health, behavior, all of that. If you have any questions, or have any recipes or things you have done to get your kiddos to eat, let me know.

Back to Life

I've had an interesting week - one of my closest friends had a baby (eeee!) and it's made me look at my own stuff related to my birth, so thankfully I had this blog to look back on and revisit what I wrote about it, and the meager posts that followed. Reading those old entries reminded me of why I keep a blog in the first place - to just work out the stuff in my head, no filters, no judgements.

 I know I wanted to move over to another blog and I tried, but it just never felt right. I also haven't been writing a lot on here 1) because of time and 2) because I was just really, really in a weird spot mentally and 3) I felt really really uncomfortable writing about motherhood. It wasn't until miss A was about a year old that I really started feeling like I had half a clue about what I was doing. I look back on the PPD and what I wrote and regret not writing more - documenting the bad and the ugly but also the good and the sweet and the revelatory awesomeness. I think I quit writing because I felt like I needed to have something positive to write about and just couldn't, and then when I wanted to write I was too exhausted to try and put it all down in a way that was filtered or unsmug or whatever. 

Well, enough of that. I've always been a fan of resolutions and all that, but I think things have gotten a little out of hand for me the last couple years. In some ways I think I was trying to fix or change things because for whatever reason I couldn't see that they were fine and beautiful just the way the were. Even in the darkest parts, even when I felt super embarrassed about no longer working and afraid that I had no idea if I was even truly cut out to be a mom, there was light, and I wish I would've written more about that.

Just the other day I was on the other blog trying to do some crazy 52 weeks of changing things, not being happy with that, and then trying to come up with 52 things to resolve to do this year. What? That's kind of crazy. I have been TERRIBLE at getting out of January with my resolutions, so this year I'm going to just toss all that and resolve just to be authentic, and to be happy.

I am, after all, turning 30 this year.

So, hey. Almost two months is equivalent to an eternity in blog years, amiright?

I'm moving over to another blog, and once I figure out how to do that blog-to-print thing, I'm gonna shut this one down. Thanks for following and commenting and posting along with me. It felt better to start over than to try to reorganize this mess of a life blog.

Join me?

yep.

Okay, people. I am officially going on hiatus. 

Permanently. 

I have been looking around at my life, trying to cut back on the needless things that suck away at either my physical time or my mental time, and every time I even think about blogging, I draw a blank. I'm not one to do things if I don't enjoy doing them (especially when we're talking dishes, right?), and it's not that I don't enjoy blogging, because I do, but there is so much else that I'm enjoying right now that blogging has moved way to the bottom of the list. 

Here's where I'm at:

In this time of endless connectivity I'm finding that I just really want to connect in real and authentic ways, and this blog isn't doing it for me at the moment. I hate talking to people in person and them saying, "Oh yeah I read about that (awesome thing they already know everything about because I wrote about it already) on your blog/facebook/twitter." Maybe this is me being selfish or whatever but, as I saw on a friend's blog or fb or whatever sometime back:  

I am more than my blog. I am more than my facebook page.  

More than that, I want to be more present for myself and for my family, and those times when I take a step back from a moment and try to come up with some witty way to express it on here or on fb kind of...cheapens it somehow. Like the one time I was in the bathroom at a bar with a radio personality who had just had something major happen to her and she was all, "Okay so how am I going to talk about this on the radio tomorrow?" instead of just being in the moment.

 In my personal life, I haven't been able to really put together my thoughts on what I want to say about my life as a mama or my child without being just another mommyblogger. To up the ante, I also happen to have a profession that mandates privacy, which makes blogging about the emotional side of it without being completely obtuse dang near impossible.

To my friends, keep blogging. I love nothing more than keeping up with your lives and travels and interesting awesomeness on your blog or facebook. Know that I will stalk you, and I will be awkward about it. I will also probably call you and send you things, because that's what real people in real relationships do, and I hope you would do the same for me.

Peace out, girl (and boy) scouts. For now, anyway.

in like a lion

It's APRIL! I haven't been holding true to pretty much ANY of my resolutions, including #1, posting once a week on either of my blogs. I wasn't feeling super creative or inspired, but finally posted over there, and it gave me a really good jumping off point for future posts. 

1. Post once a week on my music therapy blog and on this blog

I guess I am overwhelmed with all the sharing that is done via Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and on and on and on. I like taking pictures with my phone, which makes it easy to update FB, but honestly at the end of the day I'm flipping exhausted and remembering to post on here is the last thing on my mind. Maybe I need to just focus on a couple things that I want to talk about on here - I think I've talked about this before. I love my friend's running blog because it is oh so very inspiring, it gives her a place to reach out to other frunners, and her blog is a reflection of the awesome journey she has been on from a non-Runner to a marathoner. 

As I'm typing this I see my Clematis is blooming, and my jasmine, and my garden is going nuts. I think getting that to-do list up and printed has helped me organize my brain a little better, which should lead to more posts on here. Bear with me.
 

2. Sew through the One Yard Wonders book I just got for Christmas

Haven't even done one of these. Eeks.
 

3. Run a successful (read: profitable) Etsy shop

I SOLD SOMETHING! So it was kinda profitable. Now I need to make more stuff. My creativity has been suffering as of late. I realized that all I have been doing is giving and giving and giving of myself and not really taking in anything. Even the books I read - most of them are self-help books, which just gives me another project. This has meant I've had to do some editing of the media I consume. Chaos and violence is out (thank goodness Walking Dead is on hiatus) and I've been trying to spend more time just cultivating peace and beauty through poetry, music, and enjoying my garden. I've committed myself to creativity-ifying my craft room, which has just recently gotten a couple coats of purple paint and will be getting some hardware upgrade thanks to IKEA.

Hopefully making my space more creative and organized will help me actually be in the mood to create.

4. Cook my way through the Lee Brother's Simple Fresh Southern

Now that it's Spring, I have a good excuse to do this. So many of their recipes are seasonal to warmer months.  I have been in a food rut as of late so I need to pull this book out and get to work.

5. Use raw veganism to get myself to my goal weight

Phew. Okay. I've been using raw vegan PRINCIPLES to get me to my goal weight. I started at 172 and am now down to 167. I have only health snack choices in my house, and am making daily use out of my Magic Bullet to concoct awesome smoothies. A few friends of mine are trying out Shakeology, which looks really interesting. I don't know if I'll ever do it in the future, because I know what to put in my smoothies and so far it looks pretty much exactly like what they do, except I have the time and the resources to get the fresh stuff. So I'll stick with what works for me right now. My current obsession is my after workout snack of a piece of toast, almond butter, banana, honey, and chia seeds. HEAVEN!

6. Run a half-marathon

I chose a half-marathon - it's going to be in September here in the Dallas area! To get me there, I've been using the Hal Higdon training method - I have so long between now and when I would need to start training for the half that I am currently running the Novice 5K schedule. This is my fifth week of running consistently and happily, and I'm so excited that I've stuck with it. 

I am also biking a lot - a friend sold me her bike trainer so I can bike in my living room while the nugget sleeps. I am riding in the Bike MS in a couple weeks and I'm kinda nervous about it. I've never ridden in such a big ride before. I also put together a team for Livestrong Foundation's Ride for the Roses in October, and have committed to biking 85-100 miles. We'll see if that happens.

7. Publish my thesis in a music therapy journal

8. Beef up my thesis and publish it as a book

blargh. It's hard to be in the music therapy world and connected when 99% of my day is my child. Every day is a struggle to have that balance. I adore the field and know that it's what I am meant to do, so it is important to me to stay connected somehow. I just need to DO IT.

9. Go to yoga at least once a week

HA! neither this nor the yoga DVDs have been touched in MONTHS. Did I mention I'm already working out 6 days a week?

10. Only watch 1 hour of television a day. Weekends included.

This one comes and goes. We're talking about getting rid of cable and I honestly couldn't be more excited about it!

11. Find a church and attend regularly

! We found a church. Or rather the church found us. I don't mean the building stalked us and hunted us down but as it turns out lots of people in our community go to this church because it's walking distance from our house. So, it makes sense that if we already know people and their kids and are already doing community together, that we should join this church. Plus, their baptism services are really beautiful, and the inside of the church kinda looks like Hogwarts.

12. Buy no clothes new for myself or my family (notice that I didn't say "no new clothes.")

I've blown this one for baby girl because right when the weather got awesome and warm I realized she had no shorts or short sleeved shirts, so I had to go shopping quick and didn't have time to dig through a consignment shop. Although, I love doing it - it's kinda tough with a toddler. And by that I mean impossible. 

Okay so, that's where I am right now. I said that I hadn't been holding true to any of my resolutions but it turns out I kinda have been on some. If I promise to post I won't do it so I'll just say see ya for now :)

daily

"I am so smart, S-M-R-T." 

-Homer Simpson

I'm a little, er, prone to flights of fancy when it comes to organizing myself. Or, as some would say, time and space completely dissolve if I have not written myself a very stern list of things to do. I need quantifiable goals (that I can quantifiably ignore if I'm feeling less than jazzed about the creative process), I need gold stars. I need to look upon a crossed of list of things done and smirk triumphantly. 

And also to smile because although the kitchen has a ton of miscellaneous crap on it, today is not the day that I tidy up the kitchen. HAH!

I found the cute template, popped on over to Picnik.com (which is soon closing down, super sadface) to enter my daily to-do, and then framed it. Hung it in my kitchen. I think it's the best thing ever! If I could JUST get it to do my dishes...

It Takes A Village

I have blogged before about having to seek out your own village once you become a mama. I am fortunate enough to have one, quite literally, in my own back yard. And this past weekend, most were ACTUALLY in my back yard! Kyle smoked two briskets, grilled some chicken, and we sauteed some veggies, and everyone either brought sides, beer, or wine (and sometimes all three!)

We had new and old faces, new and old babies, lots of great food and wonderful conversation! I only snapped a few pictures as I was busy running around but we had THE best time ever. I am so thankful to have these people as my support system and am honored to be part of theirs. 

Do you have a village out there to help support you through whatever it is you're going through? I'd love to hear about it!

weekend away

I love surprises. 

I love getting them and springing them on people. 

I love thinking of just the right thing for just the right time in a person's life to surprise them with.

This past Friday I told my hubs that we had dinner reservations, and he had to get home at 6:30. He came in rather frazzled at 6:45 and off we went just 30 miles away to McKinney. When we pulled up to a big, old, victorian-style house that said "B&B" out front, he got suspicious.  "Uhhh...what are we doing?" 

"SPENDING THE NIGHT SURPRISE!"

I had called my mom the week before to babysit our sweet nugget while I kidnapped my hubs for a night, finding a B&B in a nearby small town. He has been working crazy long hours for the past month, to the point that we hadn't really been seeing each other and it was all kinds of time to reconnect and do what we love to do - explore, eat great food, and wander a new place.

So Friday night after his shock wore off we headed to the town square where we wandered in and out of antique shops and listened to local musicians. As it got closer to dinnertime, we checked out the McKinney Wine Merchant, as our dinner reservations were at Gregory's Bistro, which was BYOB. Y'all. The food was completely amazing. We had mussels to start - lemon, jalepeno mussels. K ordered the sirloin, and I ordered scallops. Both came with white truffle mashed potatoes, and I had some grilled asparagus on the side. Bliss, people. Gregory is legit - he was born in France and has been cooking like crazy his whole life. I am glad he ended up in Texas, because he is a genius, and our food was absolutely incredible. Afterward, we went around the corner for some gelato and then headed back to the B&B. 

The next morning, since we are parents now and cannot physically sleep in, we hopped in the hot tub on our porch before breakfast, which I'm pretty sure is the best way to start any morning, ever. Our hosts fed us pecan waffles and fruit and then we were off to the Franconia Brewery. The tour was really informative (to me, at least - the hubs has been known to brew some beers). I learned a lot about what it means to sustainably brew, and I have a lot of respect for what Franconia is doing: adhering to the German brewing purity laws, not bottling until they can work out a system of reusing their bottles like they do in Europe, and in general putting out some tasty beverages. We sat with a lovely English couple, making jokes in the warm early afternoon sun, then made our way home.

We had a fabulous, much needed relaxing weekend. Hopefully this will be a new tradition for us, exploring the small towns around Texas.

Lent Week 2

I am the worst at keeping track of time. Ask anyone who knows me. The worst. I attribute my perpetual lateness to my being Latina, and my disregard for time and space? Well, I don't know. Personality and spontaneity. 

 

Hence, we're in the second week of lent and I totally blew the first week of fasting which was supposed to be food. The point of the fasts is to not just give something up and then not think about it but it's to do something in place of that given up thing, pray, meditate, journal, whatever. I have a bad tendency to skip meals because I get so wrapped up in the chaos of the day, feeding everyone else around me, that I have to actually work to NOT skip a meal because if I do that then I'll end up being super gluttonous at the next meal. So, I didn't want to fast a meal so much because, well, that part is easy. It's the remembering to do the other stuff instead that gets tricky.

 

I've done a lot of thinking about eating habits that I want to change, though, and I have landed on three: emotional, thoughtless, and over eating. Again with the Mexican heritage...sad? eat. tired? eat. happy? EAT! These three things I think are all wrapped up together for me. If I don't take the time to think about what I'm going to eat I'll eat whatever is nearby (I might have polished off some sausage last week when the hubs wasn't here even though I was supposed to be doing a raw vegan cleanse...) in a fit of hunger and poor planning. I don't know how to quantify that exactly, but it has been on my mind. Oh and the thoughtless eating part. I guess that's the part that I want to carry through these weeks of Lent. There are so many people in the world that have no idea where there next meal is going to come from that it embarrasses me to not put more thought into how and why I eat. 

I've wanted to be primarily vegan/vegetarian (pescatarian I think, to be exact), for so many years and though I've made great strides toward that goal, I have a tendency to make excuses. Especially if nobody is watching. So that's what I'm going to do 'til Easter - not make excuses, stick to vegetarianism. 

And then I'll eat some lamb for Easter.

Just kidding.

Maybe.

This is the start of the second week, where I'll be fasting TV and movies. This one honestly isn't too hard for me. We have a DVR and I know I can wait on the Bachelor, How I Met Your Mother, and whatever else might be coming on. I'm not really that into TV in the first place...or movies for that matter...but it's kind of like keeping cookies and crackers or ice cream in my house. If it's here, I'll indulge. If not, then it's not a big deal. I watch TV or a movie with my hubs to spend time with him because that's what he likes to do to unwind when he gets home, but I would rather be doing anything else. This'll be a good excuse to get my 30 minutes of guitar in ;)

The Music in Me

I've got so much music up in my bones it seems like a waste to not use it on a regular basis. I've come to a place where I'm finally getting into the groove of staying home and balancing what I want to do with music therapy. I always talk about wanting to be a better musician...even though I went through 8 years of music school...because without regular practice and review, that stuff gets dusty for me. Plus my undergraduate music education wasn't a time I spent doing a whole lot of practicing. Or studying, for that matter.

So, in accordance with my 12 for 2012 I wish to replace some idle time with...let's start with...30 minutes of music playing a night. It may not sound like a lot, but for someone who is going from 0 minutes a week to 210 minutes (3.5 hours) a week, I mean come on. Pretty good start. I have in my possession a ukulele, some guitars, a legit djembe, a piano, and a mandolin, along with instruction books for all of them. I am going to start out just learning chords so I can get my way around them, and then I'll start working on scales because I have always wanted to be able to improvise, and it'll also help me review my music theory.

I'll have to come up with some kind of schedule for this. Do I spend an entire week on just guitar or change it up every day? Maybe I can have a song number goal by the end of each week. Hm. Like, 5 new songs on the guitar by the end of this week, and then I can start over and learn those same songs on the ukulele, and so on. Plus, I'll bump my time up 5 minutes every week until I get to an hour. And every week I'll add a song. Yeah. I like that. If it sounds like overkill, I have to be method about it or else I'll never get to it.

Lucky for me I've been keeping a list of songs I want to learn, totally memorized, performance worthy, by the end of the week:

1. Blackbird - The Beatles
2. Your Hands - JJ Heller
3. Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
4. Someone Like You - Adele
5. La Flor De La Canela - Chabuca Granda

and in waiting so far we have:
6. Let It Be Me - Ray LaMontagne
7. Canta de Alma - Del Castillo (if anyone can find me a reliable source for chords and lyrics, that would be great. Haven't found one yet.)
8. Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton

This is the video I'm going to use to tackle Blackbird. I started learning it last year but it didn't stick with me, probably because I quit playing for awhile. It is for sure a mind and finger workout.

Resolution Roundup

Well so February is nearly over and I believe it's time to do a checkup on my Resolutions. Accountability, y'all.

1. Post once a week on my music therapy blog and on this blog.

Working on it.

2. Sew through the One Yard Wonders book I just got for Christmas

2. Be a better musician

This one deserves a blog post all its own, folks. It'll probably happen on a Monday.

3. Run a successful (read: profitable) Etsy shop

Good news: I opened my shop this month! Bad news: Nobody's bought anything yet. But I do have a custom order coming in that I just finished, so that'll get posted soon.

4. Cook my way through the Lee Brother's Simple Fresh Southern

Haven't. Even. Started. But if you don't have this book, you should get it.

5. Use raw veganism to get myself to my goal weight

 I just discovered Jenn on Twitter and am loving her and her raw vegan resources.

6. Run a half-marathon

Working on it. A little every day.

7. Publish my thesis in a music therapy journal

No progress.

8. Beef up my thesis and publish it as a book

No progress.

9. Go to yoga at least once a week

So good for me and yet for whatever reason SO HARD TO DO. Even with the yoga DVD's. (see #10)

10. Only watch 1 hour of television a day. Weekends included.

I have zero self-control. Hopefully my new revised #2 will factor into this.

11. Find a church and attend regularly

Sigh. No. I am, however, spending more time in spiritual pursuits (prayer, reading, etc.) and talking about Jesus with friends. That Ash Wednesday service really lit me up with inspiration.

12. Buy no clothes new for myself or my family (notice that I didn't say "no new clothes.")

Blog post about this comin' atcha. You didn't think I would go to San Fran and not return with any goodies?

Giving Up

In high school I gave up stuff for Lent because it was trendy. Not even gonna lie. I grew up in the Bible Belt and never put much thought into giving anything up. I would give up sodas or chocolate or gossip for like a week and then forget about it. Like everyone else. 

There is so much that is hitting me weirdly and strongly now that I'm a mom, and one thing is the observation of holidays. Holy days, to be more specific. I know a lot of people hate on Religion but I honestly find the ceremony and repetition of songs, hymns, and prayers to be comforting and beautiful. I think that's part of the reason I hate contemporary worship services so much. There is a rhythm to all things in life, and specific observations of the shifts in rhythm (birth, growth, death) reminds us (well, me at least) that God's the one who's got this thing under control and not me. Something I need reminding of kind of, oh I don't know, all the time.

The hubs grew up Methodist and I grew up nondenominational. I don't even know if I was supposed to capitalize the N in "nondenominational" right there. As far as I'm concerned, it's a big ol' paradox because I'm pretty sure now nondenominational is Nondenominational. If you know what I mean.

I never paid attention to this arbitrary Hangover Wednesday, but secretly coveted the ashes on everyone else's foreheads at school. I like being in clubs, ok?

So back to the point, I went to Methodist church today at noon (to get my ashes YEAH!) with a friend who has two kids, and my angel. Which means the kids outnumbered us 3 to 2. Which means that we got some DIRTY STINK EYES from a lady in purple two rows up MORE than once. Yes I saw that, and I'm pretty sure Jesus a) saw it too and b) doesn't care. And while we're at it, hopefully He doesn't care that I was rocking some baby bird chic hair and workout clothes because I might have accidentally locked my child in the car briefly after Stroller Strides and had PLANNED on taking a shower before church but I was too busy calling 911 and panicking. Yes, that really happened.

Sorry to be tangental. I'll get to the point here in a minute. I only have half of the sermon notes because I was too busy ripping it in half to keep my daughter from squirming/screaming/runningdowntheaisle and I hate to be all mothers-are-the-center-of-the-universe on you but I'm pretty sure Lent was made for mamas.

Example A: Hymn #526

(second verse)

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In His arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.

Example B: Prayer of Confession

Gracious God, how frayed our lives have become, a collection of loose ends, rushed relationships, and distand dreams. We have not kept our eyes upon your saving cross, nor listened with undivided attention to your voice. We have not loved you as you have loved us, nor have we loved our neighbor as ourselves. Forgive us, restore us, renew us. Lamb of God you take away the sins of the world; grant us your peace. Amen.

For real.

At any rate, I am really getting into this Lent thing this year and found this Lent Guide from The Village Church and though we don't attend there, it looks pretty amazing and I think I'm going to follow it. And probably write about it, except for when I have to give up technology for a week of course.

The Year of the Runner

I love to run. I didn't always love running, and it took me a long long time to get to the point where I really loved it. In fact, it was during my pregnancy when I COULDN'T run where I really fell in love with it. It's not always the way I feel before, during, or after, or even the early wake ups for the races. I love being around other runners, and there's a rush in the crowd that I get a contact high from just being there.

I said a long time ago that before I do another triathlon I'm really going to focus on my running. That was a couple years ago, and I am currently inspired by all the things the Livestrong Foundation does, so I'm going to get back in shape so that I can do some more races to raise money for cancer support. To that end, I have decided to take up the Hal Higdon method of training and since I am nursing a couple weird knee injuries, I am going to just go ahead and start all the way over. I walked my 30 minutes today, intending to do the walk/run in the middle but my left knee protested, so I just walked. I don't really have a 5K in mind at the moment, though there's one in my hometown in June that is quite tempting. I'm just going to start training and see how it goes - turns out there's a half for pretty much every month of the year in Texas. So yeah - here's to getting to that goal weight and joining the half marathon crowd!

Monday Music Madness

While I THINK about this blog about once a week, I think I'm utterly failing on posting every week. I should really get into that whole "scheduling" thing where I write more than one post a week and then set it to look like I'm actually posting once a week but then I'd have to actually sit down and gather my thoughts more than once a week! And there's so much crafting and musicking and what not to be done! EESH! 

Okay. So, I'm not really that busy. I mean, I kind of am, in that I have been gone a week and just got back a couple days ago and am trying to get my house back in order but my brain, oh my brain is way too busy for its own good. And then I have the insatiable cuteness of my daughter to contend with, who is quickly becoming one amazingly determined and vocal child. I counted the other day and she can say close to 30 words. I'm not saying that because I'm bragging, I'm saying that because the things 14 months olds want to say have a lot to do with the fact that they are hungry, they want to dance, and they really, REALLY want to play with your phone. 

"PONE?" nope.

"PONE?" no, honey, go find something else to do.

"PONE? PONE? PONE? PONE? PONE?" okay fine we'll call alita again.

It being Monday I have a certain amount of guilt surrounding the fact that I wanted to spend Mondays talking about music. I've been thinking a lot about the live music I've consumed over the years, starting when I was quite young and my uncle was a guitar tech for JIMMY...

wait for it

...BUFFET!

So there I was, with my dad and about 10,352 middle age folks in flowy gowns and bermuda shorts (shirtless, if we were so lucky), singing about hamburgers and screws and all kinds of other stuff. Backstage did have a certain allure...all instruments and roadies and people who were really busy getting something done before the big show started.

Fast forward to high school, where I turned 15 and was only let into a SCABS show because we told the door guy I was 16, oh and by the way my cousin was in the band. All I knew is I was on 6th street and it was WAY past my curfew. "breakfast" at 2am at the Magnolia Cafe sold me on the live music life. I was addicted. Since then, I have taken in an absurd amount of live music. I'm not one of those people who has to know every song and every life detail of the band I'm seeing...I don't necessarily have to even really be clear on the genre. I just want to be in the crowd, yell back to the singer(s) on stage when they say "GIMME A _________!!!" and be in the energy of the music. 

Part of the reason I love music and music therapy so much is because music is never the same. You can listen to the same recording of the same pianist and orchestra playing a piece twice in a row, and the second time it is different just for the very fact that time has passed and you now have heard the song once already and your brain hears the music differently. Similarly, live music and recorded music have absolutely nothing on each other. There are albums that I have worshipped for their craftmanship and ingenuity in the studio, and then there are performances that I have left a better person. 

While bathing my daughter today I had a hankering for The Weepies, so we listened to them as we splashed. They have a special place in my heart because they had never played Dallas before and DAYS after my due date of November 14th, they were playing at my favorite venue. I had to go. I HAD to go. It got to the week before and I reasoned that if I got tickets and went into labor, I could get rid of them easily. If I went into labor AT the show, I would have a baby and an awesome story later that night, so that would be a double win. I also knew that if I didn't get those tickets and didn't in fact have a baby anywhere near that time, I would kick myself.

Well, turns out I was WAY off on that due date, and I am SO VERY GLAD I got those tickets.
Dallas has historically infuriated me because I have been to shows where either 1) the audience should be dancing! It's GRUPO FANTASMA FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! DANCE! and guess what? no dancing. 2) the audience is talking ever so casually in a low hum under the amazing (for example) banjo stylings of Bela Fleck. I don't expect utter silence at a show, but I do expect some sort of involvement, whether that be a respectful interest or busting a salsa move or three. It's a sign of respect, I think. 

The Weepies, though...everyone was completely silent through just about the whole show. I read recently that it's supposedly some "hipster" thing, which wouldn't really surprise me, and there was a point in the show where a heckler got the stink eye and shushed angrily by pretty much the entire audience. But oh, how The Weepies deserved the silence. From what I gathered at the show, their lyrical genius is driven by the female half of the duo, Deb Talan. She has a remarkable way with words, and their music more often than not brings me to tears of joy and/or sadness, depending on the time of day and the song. What I love about them is that their music isn't boring. It doesn't all sound the same, they have a fun way of saying some pretty deep stuff, and their music is relatable to all those awkward moments where you think you'll never be able to describe _______ in words and then there she is, breaking your heart with the words "and the world spins madly on." The music is equally great, simple, and straightforward. 

The other thing that made this live show so ridiculously incredible was that they were absolutely hilarious, in a moderately tasteful, sometimes off-color, unabashedly honest way. There is nothing I don't love about this duo and if you have the chance to go see them, you absolutely will not regret it.

haphazard gardening goodness

Winter has been driving me crazy, y'all. It's been cold, my family has been sick, and I've had to resort to throwing open the windows to get fresh air and clear out the funk in my house. To make matters worse, I would pass by my bleak, untended garden and sigh half-heartedly, trying to decide if and when I wanted to plant anything until Springtime. You see, North Texas has had a horribly mild winter, and I keep thinking it's going to freeze. This time last year, it snowed for a week. With every high-of-mid-50s-low-60s days that pass, my doubt grows.

So finally, in a fit of impatience and impulse, I raided my favorite gardening store for cures for the common pre-Springtime blahs. One corner of my garden is rocking the tender greens, herbs, and chard that I planted in the fall, so of course that section is looking super sexy. 

Sadly, the other 3/4 of the garden was horrid. Dusty brown old mulch, dead plants, YUCK. Enter: gardening madness:

Here's what I planted: 

Edibles

Bok Choy (purple)

Chamomile

Chard (bright lights)
Collard Greens

Dill (sacrificial)

Dinosaur Kale *

Lavender

Radicchio

Spinach

Thyme

Violas

Purely Aesthetic

Pansies

Ranunculus

Some cute little white flower that I couldn't find the tag for

PHEW! I am finally standing by "love the garden you've got." I will no longer lament the lack of sun needed to grow gorgeous tomatoes and peppers in the hot summer sun. Instead I will eat my fill of collard greens, kale, and herbs.

* The dinosaur kale was my super epic find, and I think I planted either 3 or 4 - I juice a few leaves of this plant every morning with an apple and an orange, as it's supposed to help with thyroid imbalance. Now instead of buying it I can go out and pick me some to juice! If you know anything about me you know how happy this makes me.

I have heard that mothering and gardening are two difficult things to have coexist...especially when your child is recovering from a cough and it's cold outside and the days are still short and your hubby gets home after it gets dark sometimes. Today I discovered the magical antidote for that: NAPTIME.

Speaking of naptime, I've got miles to go before she wakes up. Anyone out there have plans for your Spring garden?