new year new year new year!

I have never been a numbers person. Unfortunately for my SAT scores, I quit at math pretty much in the 4th grade and never really progressed. That landed me squarely in a pre-cal class taught by a coach while all my super smart friends were taking mystical math classes by a cool, genius professor-type high school teacher. 

Whatever. 

My teacher let us out of class to get breakfast tacos. 

"If you get caught it's your ass, but if not, bring me two carne guisada."

I am, however, friends with a lovely lady who has a quirk involving odd numbers. When making copies, there's 3 copies made. Not 2, not 4, but 3. That makes next year, 2011, in prime position to be awesome. 2010 for me was pretty much summed up by a whole lot of transformational growth, amazing miracles, and a whole lot of vomit. I am ready for what next year will bring.

Now that Christmas is over, it's time again to start thinking about New Year's resolutions! My favorite time of year! I had originally planned to do a triathlon, but these last few weeks of recovery (did I really have major surgery?! I can still hardly wrap my mind around it.) have taught me to treat my body gently. I also am ready to get serious about things I dabble in: veggies (the growing and eating) and yoga.

While prego I felt so gross that I ate whatever sounded good, meaty or not. I'm ready to veer back toward the veggies. Abdominal surgery, while ending in a wonderous, beautiful life, has made me appreciate all the things that those muscles do. Breathing, laughing, coughing, laying comfortably in bed, walking, talking, everything pretty much. Rehabilitating those muscles that have been stretched to their limit in order to accommodate a growing life has included a whole lot of rest and an acute awareness of how central they are to my whole body's function. I mean hey, they don't call it "core" for nothing. So yeah. I am going to commit to some regular yoga to focus my brain and to heal my body.

Overall I think the theme of this next year is turning out to be devotion. Devoting myself to spending the time every day to become a better musician, a thoughtful friend, a focused and fun momma and wife, to pray, to handwrite notes, that sort of thing.

Anyone else out there working on their resolutions? Don't bah-humbug these things, friends. We all have things we want to tweak in our lives. Why not set after a goal that is attainable and meaningful?

how it all went down: Monday & Tuesday

Before I start, I just want to say that when someone has been through a heavy experience, don't underestimate the power of these four words: "tell me what happened." I've sat down a million times over the last couple weeks wanting to write this down and not being able to, mostly because labor was obscenely long (56 hours?) and then I had a bunch of stuff to resolve in my own brain about how everything turned out. All that being said, I really enjoyed being in labor...call me crazy but I think there are few times in life when your brain is forced to take a back seat and all there is left is what your senses give you, and then you get to react accordingly. It was kind of like being at a really awesome concert.

So anyway.

Monday

 morning meant I was 42 weeks and 1 day and we decided to do some natural induction stuff, so I ended up drinking the castor oil smoothie, which ended up in some cramps but nothing really consistent. That was also the day of the midwife visit and the membrane stripping *shudder* and the discussion of baby positioning (less than favorable). I think I walked the mile home from my midwife's office that day. I was in touch with my doula, who spoke with my midwfe about what was going on position-wise, and she adjusted me accordingly (closed off my right hip in hopes the baby would scoot over to where it was supposed to). 

Tuesday

  about 3:30am is when we officially say that labor started. I had contractions every 15 minutes 

6:00am contractions were less regular. It was decided to do the castor oil/breast pump/walking again...on the walk I puked up all the castor oil smoothie (surprised? no?) and then by 

7:30am I had contractions between 7-15 minutes, and then by 

12:30pm I had contractions every 5-7 minutes. They were not very strong, and I was pretty much just in early labor.

2:00pm I was scheduled for another sonogram to make sure that the baby was STILL okay, still with lots of fluid and still with a good heart rate (of course she was). During that visit I was hooked up to a contraction monitor, and the technicians said, "ummmm....did you know you're having really regular contractions?" and "yeah...when are you going to the birth center?" 

4:30pm We had another scheduled visit with my midwfe, so we went over there and found out I was 2cm dilated, and she said to go home and rest. My mom drew me a bath and me and Kyle hung out, talking when suddenly...

6:30pm my water broke, which was really gross. I felt a pop and a squish and stood up in the tub, freaking out a little bit - mostly because I couldn't believe it actually happened, and also because if I had continued laying in the tub I would be laying in amniotic fluid, and it just grossed me out. For the record, SINCE the whole labor and birth thing, there's not a whole lot that grosses me out. Just sayin'. I texted my midwife and my doula, both agree that it doesn't so much change the game plan of resting and waiting for labor to pick up, and my doula said that when contractions get so bad that I can't sleep, call her. I tried to sleep for about 15 minutes and it was impossible. 

7:30pm doula came over about , when labor started to kick up. I labored around the house, walked a lot, sat in various chairs, held on to Kyle, danced around, made lots of noise.

9:30pm contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart, so my doula called my midwife so she could hear what I sounded like. Doula asked for 2 hours to labor around the house, expecting that I was about to hit transitional labor and would be about a 6 or 7.  Midwife gave us 1 hour.

10:30pm we head to the birth center (btw: being in a car while in labor SUCKS.) where we find out that I am STILL 2cm. The midwife's suggestion is to go home and help me relax.  On the way home, K, the doula, and I decide that instead of sleeping, to keep doing the labor thing if I felt good. That's about the time labor started getting a little intense.

our new normal

Adeline will be 2 weeks old in a couple days and wow what a learning curve these last two weeks has been! The first few days of breastfeeding were crazy...to establish my milk supply the nurses had me nursing left and right for 20 minutes apiece every 2 hours. The only thing is that the 2 hours starts from when you start breastfeeding, so by the time she is changed, fed, and possibly having to be changed again, that meant maybe an hour of sleep in between. It's a good thing I can fall asleep pretty much anywhere and on cue. Nowadays she eats between 2 and 3 hours at a time, sometimes eeking toward 4 hours every once in a blessed while.  There have only been a few times where we had to rely on her swing or turning on a hair dryer to totally zonk her out. Our other life saving tool has been this stuff called Gripe Water which has helped us whenever I've eaten something that makes Adeline gassy.

We've played with 3 different diapering systems...started out with disposables in the hospital, then came home to our cloth diaper service, and just today tried out the Gpants. Cloth diapering is proving to be really easy, the only thing is that recently her diaper has been getting wet through to her diaper cover on longer stretches (like at night) so we've had to double up on the diapers. Anyone out there encounter the same issue and want to share their fixes? The Gpants we're planning to use for traveling for the holidays, and today we gave them a trial run today and they worked great! 

Ummmm....okay she's crashed out so that means I need to nap as well :)

keeping the wolves at bay

me just now: *sneaks off to wrap some Christmas presents while Adeline is awake, happy, playing on the changing table with dad*

Kyle: "are you okay? is this you resenting the baby?"

Me: "no, this is me trying to head off any of that stuff. I got into a pattern of eating, sleeping, changing feeding, and need to do something else."

normal, yes?

the act of recovery

So by now you've probably heard that I ended up having to give pitocin a shot, along with an epidural and eventually a c-section. Pretty much exactly the opposite of what we were trying to do - all natural earthy crunchy and such, but definitely according to our plan. I sit here and look at Adeline's face and am thankful for the fact that we have the interventions that we do that make birth...well I guess in my case, and in lots of other cases, possible. 

I'm not disappointed in the way things turned out because above all, I wanted to stay away from unnecessary interventions. There was never a time that I felt "resigned" to a c-section. The whole time, Kyle and I were empowered, encouraged, and informed by my angelic nurses, OBGYN, and doula. Where was my midwife, you ask? Well, that's another tale for another time.

Six days out from the whole thing I am bewildered why there is such a thing as an "elective cesarean," that anyone would elect to put their body through major abdominal surgery, stay in bed for at least 24 hours, be whacked out on pain meds, and deal with all the pain and ickyness, if they had the choice of doing one or the other. This is in no way a judgement by any stretch of the imagination - I just know that I would rather do labor all over again and push a baby out than do the c-section recovery dance again.

People say that every birth is an enlightening journey and there were definitely things I had to learn about myself through the process that I couldn't have learned any other way. I'll get around to telling about the whole thing later, but for now I'm still kinda processing, being thankful for my sweet little family, especially Kyle. Seriously, there's no way I could've survived the last week and a half without him.

What you've all been waiting for

This is Kyle posting for Christina, who is still confined to bed but will be getting up for the first time shortly. She and Adeline are doing great and are finally starting to sleep normally after the adrenaline rush from yesterday's activity. Here are a few pictures and a quick video of ridiculous cuteness.

FYI, Adeline is also the name of the record label owned by Billie Joe Armstrong. Interestingly, Billy Joe and Green Day put out Dookie in 1994. Adeline put out some dookie of her own about 30 minutes ago. Coincidence, or destiny?

sneezes and yawns from singmetheblues on Vimeo.

Well, here we are.

And by here i mean the hospital, just got hooked up to pitocin! It's a longer story than I can type out on my phone at the moment, but this is what god had planned all along apparently :) don't expect many updates til baby stock gets here, just know that we love and appreciate all your prayers and warm wishes! :)

This just in: contractions are painful.

Had another sonogram today and everything looked great, more importantly the tech and the doctor were a thousand times better than the jerk I went to last week. I also just went to the midwife - definitely in early labor, trying to relax and get some rest, about to take a warm bath to relax and hopefully get some sleep tonight as it'll be anywhere between 4 and 14 hours before I get into active labor. 

Looks like it's going to be a December baby?

guts

"God, give me guts."

-Eli Mygatt

Last night I was a mess of anxiety, knowing that the morning brought castor oil and all the unstoppable things that come with it. Castor oil has been used through the ages to induce labor naturally. I suppose I should mention that we are indeed down to that wire of labor induction.

I'm 42 weeks and 1 day. 

My midwife is in daily contact with her backup obstetrician. 

He gave us one more day: tomorrow.

But first, today. I had a rough night - any pregnant woman will tell you that the last few weeks of pregnancy are not at all comfortable. There's insane pressure on your bladder, which means waking up pretty much every 2 hours on the hour to pee. Plus I was anxious...kind of in a day-before-Disneyland kind of way...so I was up at 2am researching castor oil inductions and experiences on the internet. Then at 4:30am my dog decided to get sympathy GI issues and whined and scratched to be let out. So yeah. rough night. At 8:30 this morning I started drinking a concoction of frozen fruit and castor oil and it tasted like...you know how some cutting boards (ie: bamboo) you have to oil? It tasted like fruit and cutting board. Or, like wooden chop sticks. Not too bad amongst the mangos, strawberries, pineapples, and banana. 

It took all of 15 minutes for my body to realize that that right there was not just a smoothie and started rebelling accordingly. I got super lethargic and a little bit weepy, then took a walk, where (surprise!) I threw up about 1/3 of the smoothie. Maybe more like 1/4. At any rate, it's all that was in my stomach today and it was just as fruity on the way back out. 

Castor oil cleans you out. Like, more intensely and effectively than anything I've ever done before. I know people tell horror stories about it, but really it wasn't that bad. I actually felt scrubbed clean from the inside out. Then I felt really dehydrated and crappy, so I took a nap and then went to my midwife appointment at 2:30pm. 

From that appointment I learned that I had indeed progressed a little from last time, and she proceeded to strip membranes, which is NOT the most comfortable thing I've ever done. It was actually pretty terrible, but it didn't last long, and she felt the baby respond to it (drop down a little) and really in a weird sort of way I felt this crazy relief. I don't know if it came from me or the kid but it was like an "aha!" moment, like this is the way things were supposed to be fitting together. It was at this appointment she mentioned that we've got one more day, to do the castor oil again earlier in the morning, and to put myself on a schedule that alternates nipple stimulation via breast pump, hip shaking, and walking. All those things plus the herbs/supplements I'm taking (red raspberry leaf, evening primrose oil) are the natural forms of whatever induction I'd be receiving in the hospital. Granted not as strong (which is a good thing), but still. And of course sex was mentioned for the semen's prostaglandin effect on the whole process, which after some research I read that's what Cervidil (a cervix dilator) is - just synthetic prostaglandins. You can decide for yourself which is more fun ;)

So then after that I went down to my chiro/doula and got adjusted, then took a power walk around the park. I've been getting cramps pretty seriously since I left my midwife's and have a couple more hours of induction activities before I take the rest of the night off and try to get good sleep.

That's all for now, any questions?

42 weeks...and counting...

I got all excited the last couple days 'cos I woke up Friday and puked and felt craptastic all day, then yesterday while walking around the Heard Museum with the fam was getting nice little contractions throughout the day...but hey, still no baby. I have a date with castor oil in the morning, and another midwife appointment in the afternoon. I found a really beautiful quote book that had the following in it, which is really encouraging: 

"It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work, and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey."

-Wendell Berry

Here's to uncharted territory :)

chiropractic fun

Today I went and got adjusted by my chiropractor/doula and she shut down my right hip and opened up my left, then did some shifting and encouraging of the baby to scoot over to the left side, and suggested I go home and lay on my left side (= NAP!) so hopefully that'll get things all in the right spot. She also said that she recently adjusted a baby who was due at 43 weeks. So you know, no big deal.

I have to admit that Thanksgiving has totally snuck up on me. I was so focused on the baby showing up that I didn't think to plan for what would happen if it didn't. So today, I ripped up my tomato and basil plants and basically went grocery shopping at the plant store. Of course now I have to get all of it (lemon thyme, collard greens, cabbage, parsley, cilantro, etc.) in the ground and mulched and watered before the first big freeze. You know, tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have some pics up soon.

huh?

Although one is not truly "overdue" until 42 weeks, there is a certain protocol that goes along with the baby cooking along past 40 weeks. Today at 41 weeks 2 days, I hit a couple milestones: my actual last day of work before the baby shows up. Yes it was supposed to be a couple weeks ago, but I'm really quite glad I kept working. Now it's Thanksgiving and if I'm still prego on the 29th you can bet I won't be at work, I'll be regrouping for whatever is coming.

The other thing(s) I had to do today included a biophysical profile - I can't remember if I already explained this, I think I did - and a weekly midwife visit. The BPP went just fine, would've been stellar actually if the doc had kept his goofy looking mouth shut. But instead, he walked in and the first 30 seconds went like this:

"Hi I'm Dr. So and So and just so you know at this point nothing good comes out of being pregnant for this long. I would hate for you to have a healthy baby who ends up either dead or neurodevastated because it stayed in too long."

I seriously wish I was kidding you.

I also wish I was quicker on the fly with my responses...I thought of a whole grand list of expletives to call him. I mean seriously - who SAYS things like that to a pregnant woman except to scare the fire out of her? Like I PLANNED on being in his office today instead of snuggling with my baby at home? 

He at one point made some comment about how most women this point HAVE had their babies...and really, everything about him made me OH SO GRATEFUL that I've chosen to stay out of the high-tech medical model of birth because more than anything really I'm appalled with the notion that women's bodies have no idea what they're doing. If you go past your due date, doctors and the general public INSTANTLY jump to "well, when are you going to be induced?" like that is the normal thing to do. The normal thing to do is WAIT. Not schedule an induction for 4 days after your due date because that's just what your doctor and the rest of the world does. It is maddening how skewed the American view of what is normal in terms of birth has become. 

I called my doula and we called him all sort of nasty names and planned his ultimate demise, and then I was off to the midwife, where I found out, in short, that the baby is just noooot ready. Without getting into the details, there's a positioning issue. Not breach or anything, but, if the baby were in a more conducive spot for laboring, I'd have him or her pretty quick. But, he or she is hanging out kind of inconveniently, so I've been given orders that include lunges, stretching, power walking, and of course a chiropractic adjustment. I'm glad it's the holiday and I can focus all my efforts on getting this baby out. So if Monday rolls around and the baby is STILL cozy coze, we're going to talk about castor oil. 

So yeah - send those prayers and vibes SPECIFICALLY for the baby to scoot into the right position. We need all the help we can get.

brain donation

I swear, people lose their brains around pregnant women. I don't know how many times this week I've heard, "You're still pregnant?" and because I can't be nice for very long I took to saying things like, "oh! *looks down at belly* am I? Weird!" I should probably stay away from my blog right now because I am suuuuper cranky...I had a good cry earlier because we're having a ton of family come in for Thanksgiving this year and I had this whole vision earlier of how it was going to be: sitting on the couch, cooing over the baby, etc. etc. I have to admit I feel silly, and I am not looking forward to the million comments of how I'm still pregnant, and that I should just:

have sex

stimulate your nipples

eat spicy food

go for a walk

go for lots of walks

did you know that having sex stimulates labor?

take herbs orally

get a pedicure

get a massage

try every pressure point on your body

put evening primrose oil caps up your vajayjay

are you walking a lot?

you should get another pedicure

hey have you tried tweaking your nipples?

i mean, you and your hubby should get it on.

The concept of a due date is evil. nobody really knows when conception actually happened, and the whole consequence of "overdue-ness" as a result that is gotten from the general public is dumb. One is overdue past 42 weeks. The end. Saying that someone is "late" is crap. Babies are always on time, and there's nothing wrong with someone just because they've gone past some arbitrary calculation.

I know I have said dumb stuff to pregnant ladies before, but I will definitely be more informed. As a review, let's go down a small list of things that have actually been said to me that are no help at all:

Hey, fatso!

Are you sure you can get up from sitting down there?

You're pregnant? I thought you were just fat! 

Are you effaced or dilated yet? (especially when it's from you know, someone you barely know)

When are you due? I feel like you've been pregnant forever?

The anticipation is killing me! (really? really.)

Have you had your baby yet? You haven't posted anything on facebook.(for the record, we probably won't.)

I know most of it comes from a good place and people are curious and it's not their fault they haven't been through something like this and forgot how to use their brains and everything but wow. There have been complete strangers who have been incredible boosts, and I encourage you (and myself) to take their lead when speaking to an obviously very pregnant woman. Instead of opinions or postulations on gender or whatever, try:

You are so beautiful! (thanks, random lady in the hallway!)
You are so adorable!
You. Glowing. Love it.
That is one lucky baby.
Have you been staying working out this whole pregnancy? Because you look great.
You can do this! Hang in there!
You look amazing!

If I were going to get all therapist on myself (I mean, who can resist) I would recognize that a lot of frustration is a mask for the anxiety and uncertainty I'm feeling. I went to my weekly midwife appointment this past Thursday and we discussed things like biophysical profiles (ultrasound, non-stress tests, kick counts, what have you) to make sure the baby is cooking along just fine and membrane stripping and castor oil for induction. I know that all of that is far better than a pitocin induction, but I can't help but think what if all that stuff doesn't work and I do end up with exactly the opposite of what I have tried to avoid?

It feels very much like the time I was interviewing to go to Spain on a mission trip and there were WEEKS of humming and hawing over whether I would be sent to a state-side project or overseas. It nearly drove me crazy. I WANTED Spain so badly and was convinced that that's where I would be going, but I didn't get my answer from the people deciding until I had an epiphany. Eventually it came down to a church service, where I was basically hit over the head with the fact that it was not about me, it's about God, and He's got it all figured out, so I should chill out. It sounds really flippant to say it like that I guess but in this case it means I have to be okay with going with the flow, and if I get to 42.5 weeks and end up in the hospital hooked up to a pitocin drip, I have to be okay with that too.

Okay. I promise the next post will be back to our regularly scheduled pleasantness.

pinch me

Annie wrote an awesome piece on music therapy in the NICU...

Seriously, every time we do what we do in the NICU, I count my lucky stars that a) I have the opportunity to do this, and b) I have a most righteous colleagues with whom to share the experiences. Check out the link below:

we are kind of a big deal.

labor and triathlons, a love story

I wanted to get into triathlons because I wanted to have more of a goal than just "lose weight." I wanted to be fit, I wanted an excuse to be active, to get a new bike, to wear fun spandex. Most importantly, I knew the hubs and I wanted to start a family soon and I wanted to get into something that I would crave while I was growing a person. That desire is REALLY strong - I've already started perusing the 2011 tri circuit, trying to pick at least one to do next year. I'm thinking a Dallas race. In the mean time, I also am getting really excited about other running and biking races along the way. I've signed up for the Dallas MS150 and fully intend on doing a whole mess of 5ks. I'm going to take it slow, I'm going to listen to my body, but WOW am I excited to get back out there :)

On an unexpected note, things I learned from my triathlons have helped me get ready for this crazy race called labor. Did you know there are three stages of labor? Early, Active, and...er...I forgot the 3rd stage, but I like to call it "gooey." (the part where you push out the placenta. eck.) I can't help it - I associate each with the stages of a triathlon. There's even a "transition" stage in labor! It's really helped me put things into perspective. Like in early labor, the same as in swimming, the goal is to relax, enjoy, and do some work, but be sure to conserve your energy for the next two phases. I'm planning to give birth at a birthing center, where I get to eat and drink the whole time, so we've got a bag packed for the two of us that looks a lot like a tri snack bag: lots of coconut waters and energy bars.

Something else that triathlons helped me frame up mentally is how much the encouragement of others can help you get through each of these stages. More importantly, the influence of my hubs. I remember during the horrendous, brutal last leg of the Austin (olympic distance) Triathlon. K followed me around the track on foot and when I was sobbing and shivering he was right there, fetching me water and saying things like, "This is the strongest you have ever been," and, "I am so proud of you."

I'll let you know how it actually goes, and I am definitely ready to get back out there...January 1st it's so on.

Happy Halloween!

If you haven't seen at least the first season of Mad Men, let me explain. See, the show is based in the late 50s/early 60s and when i was first prego K and I started watching it and I was FASCINATED not only by how women were treated in general but also by the fact that pregos in that day pretty much daily kicked back all kinds of beverages and smokes. So, when my dear friend Annie decided to throw a Mad Men themed Halloween dinner party, I couldn't resist ;) Don't worry, it's just water and an unlit ciggy.

Wherein I must excuse myself to eat shameful quantities of mangos

The cravings have officially hit, along with stretch marks and cankles. Oh, the glamorous pregnancy life! I am sure that's what Fergie was singing about. It all came down the weekend of kyle's mostly annual company trip. We spent a swank weekend at the W hotel eating delicious foods and catching up. This was the first year that I didn't have to answer, "oh I am still in school," when asked about what I do. Unfortunately, that topic only came up a handful of times because of course as a pregnant woman, people mostly want to talk about barf, babies, and cravings. Not the fabulous dream job or the book that is soon to be published. Oh well, not like nursery decor doesn't make me SQUEEEE! with delight...

Anyway, the hubs was terrifically social this weekend and the last night as we rolled into bed near midnight I looked down to discover a complete lack of ankles for the first time in nine months. Naturally, I burst into tears, lamenting this foreign body that seems to have taken over. K of course reassured me that I was just exhausted and yes, still pretty, fat feet and all.

I never EVER get the pre-packaged fruit at the grocery store 'cos it's generally overpriced and all in plastic and not seasonal but last week I had an insatiable urge to buy some mangos. So I bought the small container, took it home, sat on the back porch while my dog frolicked around in the yard and before I knew it, the fruit was gone. I did it again the next night. And then for three days following that. Stomachache? Mangos. Woke up starving at 5am? Mangos. We are currently out, and it's all I can do to stay patient while I wait for Kyle to rip out the carpet in the bedroom so we can go to the grocery store.

Which, seriously - are there any documented occurrences of husbands getting the nesting urge? 'cos Kyle just impulsively (IMPULSIVELY, people) said, "okay. I'll rip out the carpet." Maybe impulsive isn't exactly right because we've been talking about it for weeks but just before he decided and promptly kicked me out of the bedroom, we were still discussing the pros and cons, and I had grudgingly suggested that maybe we wait 'til Spring so our feet won't be cold.

But hey after 48 hours and literally being on our hands and knees scrubbing the darn thing, it looks kind of awesome:

oh, life.

Hey! So, me & the babe are 35 weeks today and really, I haven't been posting much lately because nothing super exciting has been going on...or maybe it's a matter of perspective.

We're nearly done with the bathroom renovations...as of today we have tile on the floor and in the shower, and the cabinets are in! Now all they to put in is the glass for the shower, the toilet, the sink/countertop, the lights, the mirror, and the fixtures. The big stuff is done though, and wow I can't wait to move back into our bedroom! We decided to get some grownup furniture, which means shopping for bed linens! I'm also really excited to move back into and start tricking out my craft room. You know, in all my extra spare time ;)

Work is the same incredible rollercoaster it always is. I'm astounded at how much I have learned, grown, stretched in the last almost year...speaking of work, I was having a tough time deciding what I could and could not post about on here, so I'm throwing the idea of having a separate music therapy blog around...except, there are tons of wonderful MT blogs out there and I'm wondering if what I have to say is any different than what others have to say. I don't know. We'll see. At any rate, it turns out I'll have a shorter leave than I expected (note to any working mom out there: make sure you will have been at a company for at least a year before deciding to get pregnant. It will save you an insane amount of headaches.) and we're currently trying to figure out childcare. We're leaning toward us doing as much as we can with the help of family, and eventually a nanny. That's yet another thing that's up in the air and it's...not easy to decide. What has been easy is the firm decision to go back to work. I've worked waaaaay too hard to get here to give this thing up. "But what about your KID and someone else raising your CHILD and it's different than you would DO it etc etc etc" yeah yeah, that's a can of worms I am not willing to open up. To each woman/family her/their own decision. Neither reason is the "right" one. This is what is good for us right now and in the wise words of Mr. Tim Gunn we're going to "make it work!"

I know I haven't talked much about this, but turns out I'll be a published author and become a mom all in the same month! Once it's all done I'll let y'all in on what my colleague/mentor/friend and I have been working on for the last few months.

I think our dog Jake senses that there's a disturbance in the force...he's totally off his morning/afternoon walk ritual (or rather, we're off it), we've moved him from the kitch to the living room because of the renovator guys coming in and out every day, and there's all these changes going on at the house. Needless to say he's been a complete and utter spaz for the last few weeks. I've stopped counting how many times he has escaped from our back yard lately, including the one time he vaulted himself OVER a 5 1/2 foot section of our fence from our back porch. That was quite an incredible sight. Thankfully there are lots of squirrels, cats, and bunnies for him to chase so if he's gone 15 minutes or an hour, he's never very far.

So back to the pregnancy thing, I'm sure nobody is surprised to hear that I still throw up every once in awhile. Friday afternoon I went from laughing to coughing to vom-ing all over the parking garage (and my pants...and my shoes...) in like 10 seconds. That's the first time it's snuck up on me like that and I'm really quite glad I wasn't inside the hospital. The last time I WAS in the hospital and had to puke it was because I really had to pee and someone had done something horrific in the toilet I was going to go in, and I was SUPER PISSED because I had just had my favorite pizza for lunch. FLUSH, PEOPLE. UGH.

Sometimes I vom in the morning and am done with it for the rest of the day..sometimes, not so lucky. I definitely sleep with a bottle of tums by my bed. I honestly have no clue why I'm still barfing.Maybe it's the reflux, maybe it's my diet...all things I'm messing with. in fact, I need to go juice some kale and apples today while I'm thinking about it, because one theory is that it's tied to how much iron I've got in my body. At any rate, am I glad that come Thanksgiving I'll be on my way back to my normal self? 

Hell. Yes.

speechless...

Yesterday was October 1st. I went to the UT Co-op, then to the Container Store, where someone asked me, "When's your baby due?" I answered in my usual "Oh, middle of November."

As I was walking out of the store I realized I could have said, "Oh, next month."

That's like, TOMORROW. 

33 weeks

I wouldn't mind if the baby showed up a little bit early. Somewhere in the 37-38 week zone would be gravy. 

That's 4 weeks from now.

Jeepers.