Wurstenfesten

I'd like to introduce you to the sunshines of my life. On the left we have Connor and the right is Katrina. They are a year apart, which is interesting because their mothers are also a year apart. The other interesting thing is that though I am related to both of them, they are not related to each other :)

I've tried over and over to figure out the best way to relay the story of the weekend but without some background knowledge and perhaps a flow chart, you're not going to get it. My dad Rick and his girlfriend Regina gave their daughter Debbie up for adoption I think when my dad was 18. He married a woman named Lauri later and had another girl named Michelle, then divorced, then married my mom, Nora, and had me. Debbie has three kids - Taylor, Parker, and Connor, and Michelle is getting married this New Year. On mom's side, before she married my dad, she was married and had 2 kids, Jodi and Paul.  Jodi is married and has one daughter - Katrina. Okay. So. Now we can go on, quick, before I have to explain my cousins-who-are-really-like-my-siblings-because-their-moms-died.

This weekend, Debbie brought her kids, including the cuteness above and the two dudes below. I was so nervous driving in for dinner on Friday night because it had been YEARS since I'd met my neice and nephews and an internal debate raged all of Friday - do I stop at Toy Joy and get them all presents? What the heck is the right thing to do here?
I ended up just driving to NB and the night pretty much ended up being a huge reacquaintance with me and my sister, and running around playing music and being crazy with my neices and nephews.

The next day we all went to Wurstfest during the day after watching UT play Baylor. In the mean time, my sister's step sister (Jodi's dad's third wive's daughter) and husband came into town, so at the table in the Biergarten we were this huge, crazy mess of family.

I would say that I don't know how other families handle this sort of spaghetti of family, but actually I do.  From what I know, a lot of people who have messes of steps and halves and such don't really get on that well.

We all joke about putting the "funk" in dysfunctional but really, I love love LOVE my family.  

As my half sister's step sister put it this weekend, after going through hard times herself she could see how these kinds of things happen...that our parents all did things out of love and created this huge tangle of a generation that decided to throw out conventional wisdom, erase the boundary lines and love each other regardless of what our parents did.  For example, Kat ended up staying with Connor Saturday night, something my sister was way conflicted about due to the nature of the strained relationship between my mom and dad. But you know what?  Everyone was cool with it, and best of all we didn't need to explain the whole nasty story in a language 6 and 7 year olds would understand because really, they would just understand that they couldn't see their new friends and their parents/aunts/uncles wouldn't tell them why. Anyway, it was a really amazing weekend, one that I am still very much processing.  I'm looking forward to a renewed relationship with my sister and us all growing closer through the years.

In other news, my sometimes-intimidating-because-he's-so-dang-awesome supervisor called me "intern extraordinnaire" today.  

Point Christina. 

And PS hanging around Debbie's kids totally solidified my desire to have three kids. It was chaos, man.  I loved every minute of it.

Huh? What just happened?

Well here it is folks, the beginning of the end. This next week I've got 4 days of work, then I'm off to St. Louis for two weeks, then back to Austin for tying up of loose ends and such. I am so ready to be done with this limbo thing and back in Dallas and into real life, whatever that will bring.

The Accidental Chicken Farmer

On Wednesday night, The Great Kate and I went to Cipollina to experience their Farm-to-Table dining. They do these every first Wednesday of the month and feature local Austin farmers who supply the restaurant with organic, local ingredients. The three course meal is $35 that can be accompanied by a wine pairing - $7 for white and $7.50 for red. We were dubious but still hopeful when we read the first item on the menu: Chicken Liver Mousse. I've tried foie gras once when I was in France and totally hated it, so I hoped that this chicken liver stuff wasn't going to be totally gross. Also, if you've done any research on how they treat ducks that are farmed for foie gras, it's positively disgusting - they cut off their beaks and feet and feed them so their liver will be huge. It's inhumane. Therefore, Kyle's morally opposed to it and I just simply won't touch it 'cos it tasted gross in the land that's famous for it.

We grabbed a cozy table in the corner and sipped our wine while anxiously awaiting the first course. The presentation was beautiful - a disc of mousse topped shredded greens with a basalmic vinagrette and garnished with two pieces of rosemary bread. As a bonus, the farmer came out and spoke with us about what from his farm we'd be eating. The mousse, in a word, was fantastic.

I suppose at this point you're thinking, "Wait a minute, isn't she a vegetarian?" I should explain that it's not that I don't like meat...anyone who's ever been around me when I'm in the vicinity of sausage pizza knows better. What concerns me is the practices that surround the industrialized meat industry that involves not only horrendous acts done to the food we eat but also the food that our food eats that is laden with hormones and antibiotics. In fact, when I stopped eating meat altogether at the beginning of this year, my cramps actually went away. I've always said that when I can trust the source of my meat, I will go back to eating it. However, I definitely will eat meat not as the centerpiece of my meals but in small quantities because my stomach just cannot take it.

The second course was absolutely to die for - we had pasta imported from Italy with local roasted chicken, sided with a fried poached egg and some more of the rosemary bread. The portion was just right, the chicken cooked perfectly, and the mystery of the poached egg...well, it was like eating an egg overeasy on your breakfast. Heavenly. The wine pairing (I had the red) also went beautifully with the meal. Topping everything off was the most exquisite creme brulee I have ever eaten. It was spiced with vanilla and cloves and I would have licked the bowl if we weren't in a classy joint. The atmosphere of Cipollina truly reminded me of real Italian bistros in a refreshing way.

After dinner, we spotted the farmer and went over to thank him for our meal. The Great Kate, being a journalist and all, asked how he got into farming chickens and it turns out that he and his wife were moving to Austin, and his brother in law was on a plane going to Austin and happened to chat up a guy who was selling 11 acres of a chicken farm in South Austin. He says that he came by it quite accidentally - he'd never touched a chicken in his life but now oversees every bit of the processing, from hatching to delivering them to local restaurants. I was pretty sure we were the first customers to ask him this question because his face lit up like a Christmas elf as he spoke of his 1500 chickens and how he's getting ready to buy lambs and pigs for the cooler months.

It was an awesome experience and if you're ever in Austin on the first Wednesday of the month, I recommend going to Cipollina and checking out the local fare. I also learned that there are many other restaurants in Austin that also serve locally grown/raised food, like Vespaio. It may be pricier, but think of the good things you're doing for your body.

way excited for America

I don't really care who you voted for, this is a huge moment for America and a huge moment in our lives - something we'll tell our kids about.

quotables

Working at a mental institution has it's hilarious points:

Me: "Are you involved with something called MHMR? Does that sound familiar to you?"
Kid: "No. What does MHMR stand for?"
Me: "Mental Health/Mental Retardation."
Kid: "I'M NOT RETARDED!!!"

Lady (while charging up to me): "I've just wet my pants!"
Me: "M'am, it looks like you should change your pants."
Lady: "No I won't! I'm PROUD of my pee pee!"

*gasp!*

I just found out that my cousin & Jason Mraz will be in St. Louis on November 23rd.

I WILL ALSO be in St. Louis November 23rd. That is in fact the evening of the morning I am presenting at the AMTA conference. I kind of want to go to the show again - is that weird?

spread too thin, again.

I know, I know - that's like saying, "Dude, did you notice the sky today? It's like, BLUE," or mentioning in passing that the Pope is Catholic. But whatever, I had a really good day. We threw an awesome Halloween festival for the kids, I got my face painted, and I set up a one to one session with a kid. I'm also on a high from the ridiculously cute song I wrote with one of my groups about the Fall and how everything changes (weather, our clothes, time) this time of year and how we take care of ourselves. Maybe I'm finally getting ahold of this dual diagnosis MHMR thing. Then of course the geriatric group right after me bombed. Live learn and mo'betta, as we used to say back when LHB was cool.

Gobbledegook.

Sigh.

I have so much to say that I don't really know where to start. My mind/daily life lately seems to be lots of little blurs of activity. Work is really good - I have three more weeks 'til St. Louis and then the wedding and then the big fancy national music therapy conference where I just found out I'll be presenting to as many as 100 people (depending on if people want to get up early to check out my presentation but seeing as I apparently beat out a bunch of other multicultural MT presentations, I predict that all THOSE GUYS will be at it. At least, I hope so.) (was that too long for a parenthetical statement?)

Kyle keeps asking what I want to do while we're in StL and my thought is that we'll get there, party for the wedding, have a blast in the aftermath with family and friends and then I'll spend 6 solid days freaking out. THEN I can concentrate on things like Thanksgiving and...NOT graduating in December.

Oh yeah, that's a long story. The short of it is that working where I work is um, stressful. I really feel like I've thrown myself wholeheartedly into it and if I've procrastinated on my thesis, it's only because I've been doing things like hanging out with friends, which is a VERY GOOD THING for my sanity. Especially considering where I work. Besides, I can start studying for my orals NOW and get that over with in a timely manner as well as defend my paper (if that LADY will EVER give me my DATA) (or heck, even show up on time I mean, AT ALL, for the appointments we set) and plan a really good graduation/housewarming party. Maybe by then we'll have a new bathroom. K's really ready to be done with the summer camp bathroom we're currently tolerating.

At any rate, my advisor laughed out loud when I told her that I no longer have any pride - just do whatever it takes for me to get this dang paper written, rewritten, defended, whatever. I just want to get it done. When you start out writing a thesis you think it's your THING and then you realize along the way that it's just another flaming hoop (albeit a very small tricksy hoop that keeps changing on you) that you have to jump through. I've even second-guessed my brilliant scheme to write a thesis thinking to myself, "Is it too late to turn this into a professional paper?" (yes) and a good friend recently put it best when she said that she's leaning toward a ppaper because writing a thesis is more for if later you want to get your Ph.D. in which case you'd have to write an equivalent somewhere along the way and who's to say first off that she even WANTS to get her Ph.D. and second, if that happens it'll be pretty far down the line and how can she make a decision now on something she may not want down the line? As for me, I know that I want to be a professor, know that I want to get my Ph.D., know that it's going to be loads of work especially if I want to start up the ol' baby maker in the next 5 years.

Wow - getting that all out of my head was really therapeutic.

Speaking of therapeutic, the Jason Mraz show in Dallas was AMAAAAAAAZING and not just because our sweet tickets were 13th row. When I get the rest of my brain cells together, I'll write about it because it was probably one of the better shows I've been to.

Also, leaving this place is going to be really hard for me in a couple weeks - I've come to really love and enjoy my coworkers and it's going to be tough to leave them.

No promises that I'll write any time soon because I have to make boxes and peel grapes for the Fall Carnival on Wednesday and then it's back to Dallas on Friday!

Advice

So, Etsy friend(s): I'm thinking about selling my stuff on Etsy. How do I get started, what are the good/bad points of it, and how do you deal with payment/shipping/etc.

I also need a good name for my store if anyone has suggestions...

Heck. NOW what?

There is a very serious potential buyer with his eye on the house I am currently staying at. The question is, if it sells, what the heck am I going to do for the next 4 weeks?

My first inclination is PRAY. Not for the house not to be sold (of course) but because I really really have no idea what I'm going to do. This would of course happen the very day after I write how warm and fuzzy and comfy I am here.

breathe in, breathe out, wash, rinse, repeat

The thesis saga continues, unfortunately. I had asked the Administrator in charge at the school I did my work at if I could use the scores from a standardized test. Now, the test is comprised of several subtests, and if you were an Administrator, would you let your eager music therapy student know that not all of the subtests would be given? I hope if you're ever an Administrator, that you would, because they of course use tests A and B, while my prospectus was approved for the use of tests B and F.

This is of course along the same lines of me asking when the test is given and leaning on "at the end of the year" when in fact that meant APRIL. This thesis writing thing really is becoming a large test of my patience and perseverance. I am always ALWAYS learning that. If you're ever bored one day and think to yourself, "Hey Self, I wonder what God's teaching Christina today...humm...." It's PATIENCE. I guaran-freaking-tee you.

In other news, thanks to The Great Kate I am reading for pleasure again and it gives my brains a special kind of tingly feeling. I do believe that reading makes one smarter and find it freaky when people tell me they don't like to read. That's like, not liking babies or puppies. I also took myself on an impromptu date to JoAnn's fabrics which was probably a bad thing if you're asking the Hubs, but not if you're talking to my creativity. Between the reading and the crocheting and the Christmas-present-jewelry-making, I finally feel....rested here for the first time after moving up to Round Rock.

Other good things that are going on: My mom is finally out of the hospital - thanks for all the thoughts and prayers and wishes. Another good thing: Colt McCoy is looking like Heisman material. I think he deserves it more than Vince Young did because this year the whole team looks tight, amazing, like a machine that will not be stopped.

Oh and did I mention I got the sweet hook up for the Jason Mraz show this Thursday in Dallas? My family rocks my world.

not funny ha-ha

After a taxing 24 hours and a 45-minute chat with my dear Maria about internships, I got this in my fortune cookie:

:I am always doing that which I cannot do in order to learn how to do it:

I think I am going to frame that in with a picture of my coworkers when I leave. Which is by the way in like 5 weeks. Time really does fly.

Walking and Running

In other news, here's my playlist for tonight in order:

Margarita Stand - Bob Schneider 2:22
Friends In Low Places - Garth Brooks 4:20
*I'm Yours - Jason Mraz 4:03
The Heart of Life - John Mayer 3:18
Can't Stop - Ozomatli 2:56
**So What - P!nk 3:34
Snow (Hey Oh) - RHCP 5:35
Bombananza - The Scabs 4:36
No Baby Swings Like Mine - South Austin Jug Band 2:38
Hideaway - The Weepies 2:49
Wonderful Rainbow - Israel Kamikolawe (or whatever) 4:53
Sunrise - Norah Jones 3:21
Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright 4:09

Total Time: 48.4 minutes

* denotes song that I ran to. In hindsight I don't know that I'd pick a four-minute song right off the bat, maybe something shorter. Oh well, next week.

** denotes song that you can really get your powerful woman strut on to.

Cancer Sucks.

Today I was reminded of why I started this whole crazy idea of triathlons in the first place.

My beautiful and driven roommate in college Sarah started UT's Colleges Against Cancer in affiliation with the American Cancer Society and for some insane reason implored scatterbrained, flaky, undergrad me to head up her entertainment chair. I think I was supposed to delegate but not sure I did, but anyway, one of the first meetings, Sarah asked all the chair people why we were involved in CAC. I of course was running late and didn't know I'd be saying anything at the meeting, so I just started talking about the people I knew who had dealt with cancer - my paternal grandmother had just passed away from lung and colon cancer, my maternal step-grandfather died from pancreatic cancer when I was in high school, my dad and paternal grandfather both had bouts with skin cancer, my friends Chris and Joanna were diagnosed the same summer and then my dear Kelli had a scare as well later, and most importantly my mom, who was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when I was born and because of treatment wasn't able to breastfeed me.

Just this summer I've had two dear friends and mentors diagnosed with some form of cancer, as well as a scare in Kyle's family. A friend at work is having abnormal tests show up and is waiting on the results and earlier this week one of my newest, dearest friends just informed me that she's going in for surgery before the end of October.

People, to be honest this stuff scares the shit out of me. There are no more words at the moment.

Still A Very Good Day :)

I had planned to go walk/run today but am going to postpone it to tomorrow - I instead went on a crazy goose chase for a pottery painting place with my dear Kate and we FINALLY ended up at one, after TWO were found to be closed and we drove to a place that was pretty much a professional clay-throwing type place. So, instead of running, I painted, had some (more) fabulous chili leftover from today's birthday potluck at work and had a beer. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will run.

At the moment I am actually walking a lot more than I am running and that's because I'm starting to train WAY ahead for an olympic triathlon next year. As in, next summer. The plan is to train for the olympic and DO the Danskin (a sprint) and to start on the whole running workout thing REALLY early so as to build up strength and lose some weight along the way (which helps with everything). I don't really like the run 1 minute, walk 1 minute plans that only go for 30 minutes that I've found. Since I am so ridiculously motivated by music, my goal was to walk for one hour x3 last week, which I did (woohoo!) and then this week, run one song (I'm Yours by Jason Mraz) and then walk the rest of the hour, and add an extra day of walking. It doesn't matter when I do these things, as long as the run/walks are 3x a week. Walking is supposed to be a good, restorative exercise so it'll be good to intersperse my progressively longer runs with walks. So yay, triathaloning again. It really does help to think of even these little walking excursions as "training for a triathlon" because it makes me stick with it more.

I also had a really amazing day at work that was fueled by some serious motivation that has been lacking in my thesis work and in my group-preparation-creativity. I love my job, love that I get to go to work every day and make music and change people's lives.

Shout Out

For some reason my blog links won't post this link correctly - it's my cousin/sister's (long story) gardening blog through Domino Magazine. Check it out - her writing is fantastic and hilarious and you just might learn something.

Scary Stuff

Terrorist?

Washington Post

Rolling Stone Article

Irritated.

On NPR this morning they were talking about Liberty University, a fundamentalist Baptist university in Virginia. The issue is that they're trying to keep Virginia a Republican state and therefore are working really hard to get all 10,000 students to vote because 80-90% of them are Republican and while they cannot say "vote for McCain" they can say that it's important to vote, cancel class, and hold a results viewing party. Two soundbites that stuck out to me the most were these:

Interviewer to an Obama supporter: "So when they find out you support Obama, what is the first question they ask?"
Obama supporter: "Well the first thing they ask is if I'm a Christian."

Second was a girl talking about how McCain has lived his whole life in sacrifice and under Christian values and that's something that all Christians should consider when voting. (Um, you'd think she'd be voting for the man who's stayed faithful to his wife and family his whole life and NOT a man who cheated on his wife and then left her after she was disfigured in a car wreck.)

Pretty sure I'm not normal.

I really think I have some sort of social anxiety. It's not that I so much care about what other people think about me, it's that I know I'm going to say something weird or silly (by whose standards? maybe I do care?) and then It will show up...It being that Awkward Pause. I am not It's biggest fan. Sometimes I wish that I had some sort of excuse or could have a few minutes to explain the awkwardness, but I don't ever get it. I don't always ever get myself so how can I expect someone else to? I usually just walk away and try to laugh about it. I wish I could be tactful and suave and awesome but no, I'm just that girl laughing at inappropriate moments because I'm really, really nervous.

In other news, we saw Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist and it was way warm and fuzzy-ness inducing. Loved it. Also, we went to IKEA and found an overhead light for the entryway and I'm seriously going to throw a party because this is the culmination of spending MONTHS looking for one. We also got some fabric to make into a shower curtain for the guest bath, which will be worked on next weekend and pics posted accordingly :)

Falling for Fall

After much debate with myself, I've decided that Fall wins for my favorite season. here's 15 reasons why:

1. Football
2. Chili weather
3. Sweaters!
4. Camping
5. Oktoberfest brews
6. Wurstfest!!!
7. Fun new veggies and flowers in the garden
8. Trading in the quilts for the duvets
9. Leaving the windows open at night
10. Beautiful, lush colors in fashion like greens and berries and orangey reds
11. My insatiable need to knit and/or crochet
12. All things pumpkin: pumpkin infused vodka, pumpkin patches, pumpkin carving, pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks, homemade pumpkin swirl cheesecake!
13. The dressing up, decorating and the excitement around Halloween :)
14. Days when it is both sunny and cool.
15. Because fall leads to winter and winter means GRADUATION!

the Drumist

The most challenging patient (pt) I've had so far is one who is really interested in drumming but the last few weeks has not been attending school and therefore has been restricted to the unit. Two weeks ago I moved an entire drum set to the unit and used it as motivation for the pt to go to school. Last week we didn't have a session because the pt again didn't go to school. But Monday the pt went, and I got hopeful, and the pt went yesterday also. AND the pt went today!

Today was the first day the pt got to drum, and it was really incredible. The pt has issues with emotional regulation, so I had the pt play different emotions, like happy, sad, and we finally landed on angry. We talked about the things that induced the pt's anger and then talked about what it felt like when the pt was in control of their emotions, then had the pt play that. THEN, I had the pt start on angry and move to in control. Not surprsingly, we had to do this a couple times, but the pt was really starting to get the hang of it.

This session was a nice reminder of why I do what I do. In this instance I was able to give a pt a place to express their feelings freely, and also talk about where the pt would like to go in the future. I introduced the pt to the concept of DCI and we even did some visualizing of what it would be like for the pt to be the center snare of a drumline, then I had the pt play what that would feel like. The pt had this huge grin on their face and said that it would be "totally badass." I think that this kid could totally be famous one day, and the pt is going to request a drumset from their mom when released. I promised to try and find a music therapist in the pt's area because hopefully the pt can keep this in their life as a positive motivator.

The pt even said that when they get famous, that I get free backstage passes to all the band's shows, which is of course, another reason why I do what I do.

Phew!

Two weeks ago, the adolescent girls I work with were all sunshine and bunnies and flowers and last week they WORE ME OUT with all the new admits, the attitudes, and the FOUR attempts to break out. This week we're back to rainbows and butterflies, which is good news for my blood pressure.

My Monday groups usually are a test-the-waters group, so yesterday I gathered ideas from a packet I got from the folks up in Lewisville ISD. We played sound and music games and tossed around a talking ball. The coolest things that happened were that there were several girls who were not participating in group, so when it got around to be their turn, I asked if they'd like to join. A few times they said no, but eventually everyone snuck into the group and started participating. The next cool thing that happened was that we played a game with the ball where the girls in the circle had to throw it to each other, and who ever caught it had to look at the star under their left thumb and see what the category was, like Sea Animals or Famous Band Leaders, etc. Then we went around the circle seeing how many things in the category we could name. Whoever couldn't come up with something had to say something nice about the person who threw the ball. Well, the universe worked it out so that two girls who were having drama on the unit had to say something nice about each other (and the other girl had to say thank you). It was glorious. Thanks, universe.

Indiana Jones and the Outlets of Doom

Dude. It's been a long while since I've been to the San Marcos outlet stores but oh my glory...I had forgotten how great they were...the prices! Why the heck would anyone shop at a mall? I got some sweet deals and thought my day was done and then turned around and ladies, there is a VS outlet. It's so amazing I can't even put it into words. Just...go.

Why am I not tired?

This weekend was my dad's postponed 60th birthday party and it was a jammie packed two days of awesome. Saturday morning I got in from a bachelorette party in Austin at 3am and slept a glorious 7 hours before waking up to run some errands, that included getting the most incredible eyebrow wax on the planet from a place in NB called Model Nails that has spoiled me from any other nail place ever because they are JUST THAT AWESOME.

Saturday ended on the couch with my dad and stepmom singing through my song book - my dad is a HUGE Doobie Brothers fan, so I learned Black Water for his birthday and he got all excited. Today was awesome (I'm going to try to use this word as much as possible in this post) again for many reasons, the first being that I woke up at 8:30am, wrote in my journal, then promptly hit the snooze button on myself and woke up at 11. Hung around, watched a little So You Think You Can Dance marathon on MTV and then hit the Comal County Fairgrounds (insert "YEE-HAW!" as appropriate) to check out the rodeo because it was, in fact, bull riding day. My favorite day, in case you were wondering.

As I was looking around the grandstands I was trying to figure out how I would blog about the experience (so lame, in case you were wondering if I realized that) and it wasn't so much the uproarious applause for McCain and converse me-and-three-other-people cheering for Obama that struck me. No, the feeling that I had was...contentment. I know, weird, especially considering I was hanging out with my dad doing something we hadn't done since before he'd turned into this really mean guy that I didn't care to know (we've come a long way). I also liked the feeling that nothing had changed since I'd last been to the rodeo, and I knew that when I bring my kids out there, it'll still be the same. When I looked around, I saw a really beautiful, strong tradition filled with simple people who work really hard their whole lives and who are really, genuinely happy. Happy with their faith, their family, and their cowboy hats and pearl snap shirts and the girls who wear sparkley chaps and trick ride.

Beauty in simplicity. Like the feeling I got when holding the 9-week-old son of a friend who I'd known since I was that age. It didn't matter that we hadn't kept in touch over the last few years in the least bit. I love that I'm from a small town kind of place, it makes me appreciate the rest of the world.

Political Stuff

After lots and lots of thinking and listening to debates and policies and bickering and whatnot from the Republicans and Democrats, I'm seriously going to start getting information on the independent party(ies?).

I get tickled every time my suuuuuper conservative family sends me anti-Obama stuff.

What's With Today, Today?

When writing a thesis, there's these things you do to make sure that your data is solid. Like a little thing called inter-rater reliability. What that is is where multiple people give the same test to make sure it is valid. I had the three teachers of the class I worked with administer a pretest-posttest test and today when I was looking at the scores I realized that instead of each person scoring it, they all. looked. exactly. the same. As in, they're all just copies of one person's.

I figured this out, cried a bit, then had to go do a session with a kid that is currently refusing pretty much everything for God knows why...it is just MY day today.

Movin' On Up to the North Side...

I'm moving to Round Rock in the next couple weeks - there are a myriad of reasons, but the main ones are that I can help friends as they move out of their house plus I can focus better at this house 'cos it's outside Austin. Sounds a little silly I know, but to top it off I've been getting weebed about being by myself. Last night a shadow freaked me out. Sigh.

Heavier Things

Don't you hate it when someone you love is having a hard time and all you want to do is give them a hug and take them out for some coffee and a good cry but they're too far away? Ugh.

Quilt-O-Rama

I am looking for some quality yarn to start doing scarves again (I've got some in the works and will get pics up asap in case anyone's interested) and I ran across a store in South Austin that sells Amy Butler fabric. I want to make all the quilts in her free designs section. My inner creativity is humming with excitement!

Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was tending my garden at home - cleaning, pruning, harvesting the veggies. I miss Dallas.

Who Is This Girl?

Funny story - I went to Longhorn Alumni Band this weekend and at rehearsal during a water break I went to refill my water and KKY Pledge #1 says to me, "I'll get that for you, m'am." M'AM. Oh, Lord. KKY Pledge #2 then says to me, "I hate to disappoint 'cos I see you're a Beta and all (I was wearing my jersey) but this water has no vodka in it." I was stunned by the hilarity.

What I like about going back for LHAB besides the friends and 90,000+ people screaming for us as we march on the field and the post halftime snacks is the perspective I get from being there. College really rattled my cage in the sense that I felt like I was two people: the fun quirky praying churchey girl vs. the fun angry wild party girl. A lot of huge shifts happened for me in college and though I was involved with a Christian organization, I didn't feel like it or the people were a really genuine thing, and never really found a church where I belonged. Still working on finding my place in that whole story.

Anyway, I also had the tendency to cope with the craziness in my head all sorts of creatively destructive ways. This weekend brought a lot of that back with my own doing and I've realized that alcohol is really not a good thing for me - both sides of my family have strong alcoholism tied into it and while I've stopped using it to help me deal with situations, when I want to just have a drink and have fun I sometimes I go way overboard and end up waking up thinking, "Ugh. This is not the girl I want to be." I think I may have to give it up for awhile.

hehe...

Kyle is passed out next to me - I keep telling him to get up and take out his contacts but he just goes right back to snoozing...

A is for Awkward!

My good friend and partner in grevious crimes flew in for a conference yesterday, and I seriously couldn't have been more excited to see her. We met in college - she was a friend of my cousin's at his Rock Star University and we hit it off first when she came with him to a Scabs show and then later when she randomly called me up and asked if I wanted to drive with her to Austin for ANOTHER Scabs show from the DFW area. We've been besties ever since and I think it's funny because two of my closest girls both grew up on ranches, both have dads named Ronnie, and have both been asked if they're my sister.

We decided to meet at Lucky Lounge because my roomies were playing there last night. I thought I saw the bartender I knew who works there so after saying hi to the roomses we worked our way to the end of the bar where she was but oops, not her. So we order beverages and the guy on my left turns to me and starts chatting me up. Now, I have to stretch back into memory to remember a time that a guy this legitimately hot and not at all crazy or creepy random stranger chatted me up. He was 29, went to Columbia in NY and had just moved here last week to coach a rowing team. We keep talking and ended up in the Most Awkward Conversation Ever.

Me: "Yeah I would love to stay in Austin - I love it here - but I have to go back to Dallas in December."
Guy: "Why do you have to go back? You could stay here, find a job."
Me: "Well, I just bought a house up there...it's where I went to school and..."
Guy: "You...bought a house? Really? With...well with like friends or like..."

Wait for it...

Me: "With my husband."

Guy: "You're MARRIED?! How OLD are you?!"

Apparently he thought I was 21, which prompted an explanation of my mother and father's complete inability to age whatsoever, and then he demanded a closer look at my left hand. I guess to be fair I wasn't wearing the Bling but still. Silver band. Pay attention, buddy. What's unfortunate is that he would've been a cool guy to hang out with, show around Austin, hook him up with my single girlfriends and all, but all conversation after that point was pretty much shattered...and besides that, he was after all a 29-year-old sharking a 21 year old. Classy.

On another round of the club, a guy from across the room catches my eye, comes over and asks, "What would you say if a man told you he would marry you without a prenup?"

Let's take this moment to pause and use three of my favorite letters: WTF!? First off, who told that guy that that was flattering and or would work at all, and second...whAT?

I replied, "I'd tell him that I've already been married for two years." He got this AAHHHAAAA look on his face and shook my hand and said congratulations etc. etc. In pondering it I've decided I should have said, "I'd say he was about 7 years too late" or "I'd introduce him to my girlfriend" and point to my friend. That would've been hilarious.

Speaking of girlfriends, after that we worked our way up to the stage to dance and wave to the roommmates when I get the feeling that someone is trying to dance all up on me. I tried to think of a more intelligent way to say that, but I don't really...no...not any other way to say that. I turn around and it's a GIRL. Not only a girl, but a girl like a foot shorter than me in my heels. I even turned around to her once and told her to back up.

At this point I'm sure you're thinking "Surely the awkwardness ends here."

Right.

When the band took a break we walked outside to hang out with the Cool Band Guys and their mindless groupies, one of which comes up to my cousin and asks if she can lick his head. Yes, you read that right. So, she gives his noggin a big ol' lick and I turned him around by his shoulder and said "Really? Really." Lick Girl explained that she had a bald head fetish so she just HAD to do it, to which I replied, "OH! Well then that was TOTALLY appropriate!"

She walked off.

I would take this moment to go on a tirade about groupies and how much I hate them, but actually I kind of enjoy the lengths they go to. I also think it's hilarious that they all get this look on this face like how DARE you go anywhere NEAR my TARGET when in fact me and said target are, uh, related. But who am I to spoil the fun.

Overall, the night ended up exactly as I'd expected it to because my friend and I have this weird kind of stuff happen to us every time we're within 5 fabulous feet of each other. She's in town 'til Sunday - Austin better watch out :o)

Looking forward to my very own hurricake

So, from the looks of the recent radar, Ike is headed straight for Dallas. It started raining about 10 this morning and the wind is gusting. We spent last night perfecting our hurricane drink mix, watching the weather channel, and watching my friend's live webcam from the Heights in Houston.

The other exciting thing that's going on today is that I brought home 5 cucumbers from my farm-to-work program in Austin and Kyle decided to make bread and butter pickles!

Plans.

And yes, that was sort of a reference to Death Cab.

So, I'm driving up to Dallas tomorrow after work. It kind of works out nicely because a friend is moving up there and instead of she and her husband driving up two cars, they can drive up one and he and I can drive back together.

I'll be on the road tomorrow, say a little prayer for me :)

and I don't mean to be irreverent at all but I think I might have to make hurricanes this weekend...listen to a little Tina Turner...

Ike-carrumba!

It just gets better. My roomie's family showed up about 3:30 this morning making my total hours of good quality sleep about 4. I finally got to sleep around 5:45, then woke up at 6:15. I nearly called in to work today because my sinuses were simultaneously giving me hell, but I just had two groups today. I don't know if it was the rocking out we did in both groups or the crazy barometric pressure, but my tendonitis is so flaring up to go with my exhaustion, so some pizza, a swig or two of Dr. Pepper, a B vitamin and 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen later, I'm a new woman.

I don't know yet what we're going to do this weekend because I think I counted like 10 sleeping bodies in my house. Part of me wants to get out of this evacuee town and drive to NB, where my dad will still turn 60 on Saturday come hell or high water, literally, where someone else can cook me comfort food and hold the flashlight, but then there's the idea of getting OUT of Austin on Friday at 5pm. Maybe I can Google-maps an alternate route.

Dad's party was cancelled, too. Well, not cancelled, but postponed. It's much like the Arkansas game, really, which sucks for an accumulating list of reasons:

1. That's the same weekend as ACL. I know what you're saying..."Your dad was such an A-hole to you in the past! You should still volunteer!" Yeah, but I wouldn't have fun volunteering if I knew I was letting him down. I'm trying to be Queen of the High Road these days.

Not that it's working.

2. That's ALSO the same weekend of the postponed Arkansas game. I'm sure the volunteer coordinator is going to send me a sparkly reply, considering she's probably getting a million freak out Emails today.

3. So, coming into town in a couple weekends is going to suck because not only are there going to be 100,000+ people in town for the game, IT IS ALSO ACL FEST. It's going to annoy me more than Schlitterbahn on a Saturday.

4. That is ALSO the same weekend of a coworker's bachelorette party. We've scratched the thought of going downtown. I'm still pulling for going to a gay bar and going early, but still. It's going to be CROWded.

I'm also anxious because Kyle's driving down tomorrow morning and I just don't know what the roads and traffic are going to be like and I want him to be safe and not that I'm a HUGE worrier, I'm just...okay fine I'm worried. I need to take a page from Kelli's book and repeat that verse over and over again. To all my friends in Houston and around there, know that I'm praying for strength and peace for you, and you'd better freaking stay in touch.

Ike, you're giving me a headache.

Stress, folks. Stress.

First off, let me say today was a fantastic day at work. I have been in charge of probably the most difficult on-unit groups on the campus. They're just, quite hard to reach, they're so inside their heads, talking to voices, etc. I usually do art & music with the group because it's what the previous teacher (who quit about a month into me working there) had done. I was challenged to do something different with them, so today I brought my guitar and songbook and went to it. It was amazing. Patients who had never participated in class came over, sang, clapped...I was sweating, breathless, speechless. It was one of those days that reinforces my belief in the power of music to change people, even if it's for a little bit. That flash of life I saw today restored my hope. The rest of my groups were fine, the last one especially.

This hurricane has my stomach in knots and I'm not even in Houston. My dad's 60th birthday party that was scheduled for Saturday has been called off, and the Hubs and have been going back on forth on who should go where depending on the weather...he's got Friday off, but...should I be trying to get out of town? No clue. This sucks. Ugh I need some antacid.

Date with Myself

I took myself on a little date to a place called Book People. Before tonight, I had never been and was totally awed and amazed by the little bookstore - why would anyone ever want to go to BN after going here?! I could have spent the entire night in there, and I might actually have to start using it as a study hideaway.

Question - does eating a whole can of black beans in one sitting qualify as emotional eating?

ugh. epic fail.

Well, I was going to post on how I came home to Alan Tudyk's suitcase in my room but then I had to stay up an extra hour past exhaustion because of a recording session on the other side of the house, so I've just been cranky and introspective the last couple days.

In other news, I'm taking over the adolescent girls group at work and there's lots of random fun parties this week :)

Fail.

So Friday was nuts, hence no post, because I was at work all day (wrote an AWESOME song with a kid about a fight he was having with a fellow patient) and then got the most fabulous haircut ever and then got home late and needed a glass (or two...and a half...) of wine and a good movie with K. I didn't do much this weekend, which was good 'cos it's been a heavy couple weeks in which I feel I've really turned a corner...found my niche, my groove, whatever. More about this later.

And, did I TAKE my camera?

Not only is it a Thursday it is the first Thursday of September and therefore First Thursday down on South Congress. I went with Kate the Great and Rq and it was way too fun for words. We had the most AMAZING cupcakes (shout out, Sweet Kel) and folks were giving out free hugs on the sidewalk and I got lots of 'em and realized that I've been aching this week and I think it's for human contact. The Hubs suggested I would fold the first week in Austin because I am such a physical contact kind of girl. I didn't fold, but he's totally right (I mean, shock, right?) and I realized how much I crave that...not SO much from total strangers but just, touch in general. Speaks volumes of course, even if it's just holding hands or sitting close to someone. To me it's really, really soothing, like, that person is sharing their part of existence with you, and it's kind of a big deal in a subtle way.

Something that struck me funny tonight was that you know how...you run into people you sorta knew from college and you have the same conversation:

"Hey!"
"Hey!"
"How ARE you?! What are you doing in Austin?"
"Oh I'm great, just ___________, you know..."
"Yeah I'm just _____________...you know, we should totally hang out sometime, catch up"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah...I'm on facebook so..."
"Yeah I'm totally going to facebook you"
"Sweet"
"Yeah! Well, it was great running INTO you!"
"Yeah you too! Have a great day!"

And then you don't.

What was funnier to me though is like, you know how running into friends from school can be totally awkward? That's just silly! I mean, no matter what the drama was when in school, whether you hated each other or dated her boyfriend, thought the other person didn't like you or whatever...I mean, that stuff was silly back then and it really REALLY doesn't matter now. I've had a lot of "let it go" big neon signs from the universe lately (also, the universe I'm pretty sure was smiling at me today because babies everywhere were smiling at me and one even reached up like -pick me up!- even though I was a stranger...it was mad cute) which has really lifted some weight from me...I was literally walking around Zilker the last couple weeks visualizing myself laying down cute little handbags of resentment, satchels of anger and such. Anyway, just because you think you knew someone 4, 5, 10 years ago doesn't mean you know them now and to hold them to that is really unfair.

But we all do it.

Things I should do

include write a note to a friend, and work on some horrendously late crocheted baby blankets.

But, I'm going to bed.

it's quite a small world, or so I've heard...

Once upon a time there was a woman named Annette who had three daughters: Hilda, Diana, and Nora. They all moved from Laredo to San Antonio where Annette opened a hair salon named, well, Annette's. All the girls worked there. Hilda had one son and then died of kidney failure back when they didn't really have things like dialysis. Diana had two children about 10 years apart, and Nora had two kids, then divorced and remarried, and a baby girl named Christina Dyan. Diana loved on this little girl but unfortunately she was very sick and 7 months after Christina was born, Diana's brain tumor was operated on and she died from a blood clot. Everyone from the neighborhood went to the funeral.

25 years later, Christina gets a phone call from one of her coworkers. "Did you have an aunt named Diana?" Christina nearly spit out her food. Over a previous conversation about growing up in San Antonio, it was discovered that the coworker grew up in the same area as my grandmother, mom, and aunts. She got her hair done by Diana at Annette's. She remembers the funeral.

I wish I could remember my aunt.

I mean it this time...

Okay. Post-a-day. Even if it's boring, "here's what I ate for lunch today."

Last Thursday I drove from Austin to Dallas between the hours of 1 and 4:30am. I do not at all recommend it to anyone unless you have a Jonas Brothers CD and have no qualms about eating Whataburger at 3 in the morning. However, it was well worth waking up twice after I had gotten home, thinking "where AM I? oh wait - home. YES!" and then crashing back out to sleep.

We did a ton of work on the house, less probably than we would have done if I hadn't thrown my stinking back out reaching for a razor from the shower (yes our bathroom is that small and yes I know it makes me sound old that I threw my back out) but I still managed to get two broccoli and one cabbage plant planted, along with starting seeds for cucumbers, poblanos, onions, spinach, and a lettuce mix. I also planted a rosemary bush and some pretty vine with beautiful red flowers from the Fabulous In-Laws. I could finally do all that because we got our fence stained! It's a pretty "redwood" stain but it makes the fence a burnt-orangey colour so of course we love it.

Decorating a house is so awesome but kind of overwhelming. A friend's husband, after seeing her paint, furnish, and accessorize a bathroom said, "I like what you're doing, but, you're decorating the hell out of the smallest room in the house." One has to start somewhere, yes? I think that's why my favorite room in the house right now is the guest bathroom because it is far and away the most finished room in the house. I could go into every room and give a laundry list of the things we want to do (or that I want to do, like paint the laundry room bright pinky red) (pun so intended) but the nice thing is that our house is totally livable and cozy and wonderful and I'm pretty sure K's tired of me telling him how much I love it. I just can't help myself.

We ate a LOT of homemade Mexican food this weekend, and I managed to make a really f'ing hot salsa because the jalepenos fooled me. Earlier this summer, I snagged a pepper from the garden and threw it in some salsa but it wasn't hot so I had to put in a couple more to make it good. Thinking, "hey it's the same plant we'll have the same amount of hotness" I did the same thing. Bad news, friends - ATOMIC salsa. I threw in some avocado, which toned it down a bit but then we had to eat all of it because there was avocado in it.

Back to gardening - in the front of our house we've got a funny little layout where there are beautiful, explosive (at the moment) sage bushes and then some tiny ball shrubby shrubs about two feet away from them, where begonias are planted. Now, I don't know if it's just because begonias make me think of the flea market my parents used to drag me to, but I hate them. One, because you can't see them at all unless you walk right up to them and peek in and two because they don't look like real flowers, all waxy and whatnot. I want a big, beautiful, wild garden - a house in London I stayed at had the smallest space but the most enchantingly mixed-up garden that I hammocked in for HOURS...even slept out there once but then started thinking of Jack the Ripper and quit...and I want one of those. I don't like cookie cutter, I don't even really like grass, and the hubs and I are trying to come to a compromise on that BUT I DIGRESS. We've decided that we're going to rip out the begonias (and probably give them to my grandmother) and then plant strawberries and blackberry brambles.

In sorting my seeds I decided to give at least half of what I had to a fellow novice gardener and it made me think of when people lived mostly on farms and did stuff like that - shared seeds and harvests with each other. It brings people together in a way that modern society with all its texting and online gaming doesn't. Also, sitting outside in the sunshine with my hands caked in dirt, saying prayers for people, starting those seeds became the single most important thing in the world and all the worries of the past week or coming storm of orals, thesis writing, travels, presentations, and graduation (dude like, 3 months.) just rolled right off. And, it's cheaper than therapy.

Crap it's not Wednesday anymore, is it?

Oh well - I blogged twice yesterday and this is probably going to be short anyway. I had a really crazy day today. It was LBJ Day *snicker* so at work we had half staff there doing fun stuff with the patients. I made some killer parfaits (Stoneyfield farms I heart your vanilla goodness) and then had some lunch (totally self-medicated via veggie burger, but that's a whole other blog post) then went to play with the kiddos where I told one that we'd be doing music therapy just me and him and he said, "OH MY GOD. CAN I HUG YOU? I'M GOING TO HYPERVENTILATE...CAN I HUG YOU?" It was cute, and yes it was the kid that yelled at me last week. Say some prayers, I'm going to need 'em.

Then I went BACK to specialty and then came BACK to play Catch Phrase with the older girls. Fabulous. Then I came home and passed out really hard until about 6:30pm, when I went to pick up Kate and work on the crossword, then go to yoga, then hang out with the fabulous Kelly Cline at the Speakeasy for some dancing (and free drinks from cute boys!)

I've been in an incredibly sad funk this week - part of it stems from reading the kids' charts, then the other day when one said they wanted me to adopt them and I've just really been (in a needy-girl kind of way) missing the heck out of Kyle. Being away from the one you love dearly is not at all a walk in the park, and I knew that going into this. It just hurts. And is halfway over.

Being in Austin when school starts back up...

...really really screws with the traffic. It also made me think of my first day of college and then I read a post that inspired what follows:

Dear Christina of 7 years ago,

Welcome to your first day of college! I know the room you're staying in is ridiculously tiny, but you'll so make it work :) and I know you don't appreciate it yet, but being so close to West Campus and Kinsolving Late Nite will make for some super fun nights with your roommate. You don't know it yet, but you'll realize at the end of this year that it's not going to work out with this roommate but you'll still live with her next year anyway and then you'll live with someone who right now you think you'd never live with 'cos she's so dorky but guess what! she's going to be your best friend and bridesmaid in 5 years.

That's right, I said it, you're getting married! But, not to your boyfriend of the past 3 years. When it comes time to let him go (and let's face it, you already know that now is the time), it's going to really totally suck, but let him go gracefully. And, have at least one real big fight with him and get out all that stuff you want to tell him because you'll just hold it in and then one day seven years from now when you see a picture of him kissing his brand new baby boy all that stuff will become insignificant but you'll sort of still wish you'd have said it.

Anyway, I know that you're so not the girl that wants to get married right out of college but this guy you've already met (doesn't that just drive you nuts?!) is totally the man you've been praying for. You won't realize it at first, and you're going to screw up pretty huge, but this man will ultimately save your life and show you what real, unconditional love is supposed to be like. Also, you get some really amazing in-laws as part of the deal :)

You've fought so hard for your place at the UT School of Music and I just want to let you know how proud of you I am! For the love of all things good and holy, DO YOUR THEORY HOMEWORK AND STUDY FOR MUSIC HISTORY and just to make life a little easier, practice your clarinet at least an hour every day. That way, when you decide that you want to get your master's degree in music therapy, you'll be even more amazing than you already are and you'll be able to mean it when you tell that flute professor off. Don't get wrapped up in all the egos and the competition, just put your head down and do what you've been given ridiculous amounts of talent to do: play and use that fantastically smart brain of yours.

Next year is going to be really hard and confusing for you and I've got three words for you, "Just say no." Learn how to be just friends, it'll so be worth it in the end. Call your best friend Haley more often, really get into SAI and don't be afraid to let those girls into your world. Oh, and minor in psychology. Either that or don't wait 'til the last minute to do that MIS project for that business degree you won't need because of your fabulous husband. Also, know when to cut and run from a toxic friendship. It'll save you some big heartbreak. Make those Dr. Hanna fan club shirts you're gonna want to make. Don't waste your time on drama or people who are nasty to you for no reason. Keep going to that little Spanish church God leads you to. Go visit your grandpa in Florida and at the very least, in 2006 when you get that feeling you should go down to Florida and skip out on work, I'm begging you to go. GO.

I know you're hurt and angry and searching and hopeful and girl let me tell you - all those things you've been hurting over: family, love, loss, friendships - you're going to make it and you will be a strong, beautiful woman because of it. One last thing: don't be so uptight - really live in and enjoy the moment and for goodness sakes STUDY! Mostly, the good news is that you'll get there (here?) so remember that through the bumps and valleys that I'm totally rooting for you, and again, you're going to make it.

Love,
You.

ups and downs

Down: Principal in charge of my thesis scores didn't tell me when she Emailed me this summer that she's not WORKING THERE ANY MORE. Need to go up on Thursday night/Friday morning to get all that junk straightened out with new principal.

Up: Friday off! FOUR DAY WEEKEND WITH MY HUBS!

Down: Kid says to me in group today about some scribbles done on paper, "These are adoption papers so you can adopt me."

Up: Kick ass blues-writing group on Monday.

Down: Someone quite close to me may have cancer.

Up: Got music therapy 1 on 1 with a kid who totally TOTALLY needs it. That starts Thursday.

Down: Fell asleep at 7:30 last night, slept through roomies coming home from tour.

Up: Freaking got like 11 hours of sleep last night.

Mad World

I think it's ironic that someone who grew up as sheltered as I did now works in a State Hospital. And loves it. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm not shocked any more...as a matter of fact last Friday I read a story in one of my patient's files that was so horrible that I had to lay down on the ground to keep from throwing up.

Friday I also got screamed at by a kid in my 9 am session - that was a first. He was mad because we were playing a game and he was out and the string of forceful expletives that rolled angrily out of his mouth was amazing. What else was kind of amazing was that it didn't rattle me as much as I thought it would. I just said, "Sorry dude, those are the rules, I didn't make them up." He pouted for awhile, then rejoined the game. Anyway, I work a lot with the young kids at the hospital and also with the adolescent girls. I was looking up chords on chordie.com and learned Gary Jules' "Mad World" and it sums up a lot of what I deal with every day. So here you go:

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad World
Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad World
Mad World

I can't believe I'm saying this...

especially because in HS I was not very good at being friends with girls but...dude, my Austin girls have been my rock lately. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't hang out with the McGuires 8 out of my first 9 days in Austin. I don't know what I would do without Ev & Kate letting me crash at their place either because I was freaked out by Batman or because I had no hot water and Ev, the weekly lunch dates keep me going, especially on Mondays. You girls are the bomb dot com and I can just hope to be half the kind of good friend that you ladies are to me, I don't know if I could make it down here doing this internship without you.

Actually I know I couldn't. I owe 98% of my sanity to you guys. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. And wine glass. ;oP

oops.

Suze totally burned me yesterday with the question, "What about posting once a day?" Dang. Maybe I'll try again in September. September means month 4 of my 6 month internship. I can't believe I'm almost done. That's crazy. CRAZY. I took a day off today 'cos I woke up with a headache, fire in my throat, and ungodly amounts of multicolored mucus coming out of my nose.

Yummy, I know.

my own worst enemy :)

ha - I just realized that that title means several different things right now! The universe has really been kicking my butt this week. I stubbed my right toe so that part of my nail came off a couple days ago, then slammed my left ring and middle fingers in the front door yesterday and then that night stubbed my right to agAIN so now there's even more taken off my toenail and ALL that has been backdropped by the fact that when I got home from camp on Monday, not only was there a dead rat on the glue trap in the pantry (thank goodness my mom found it else I would have barfed...then freaked out...then barfed again) BUT THERE WAS NO HOT WATER. After showers at friends houses and many invigoratingly chilly morning showers at home, I finally got around to trying to cook on our gas stove. Hm. No gas. Carlos's manager SWORE that the gas bill had been paid, but after some phone calls it was discovered that said bill was actually paid LATE and therefore I won't have hot water 'til FREAKING TUESDAY.

Ask me again why I have to pay rent? I mean, really.

The other meaning to the title is that I had a couple good music therapy sessions this week and a couple craptacular ones and today I figured out the problem: me.

I mean, I know that's the obvious answer, and it's not that I'm a crap therapist, because I know at the very least I am empathetic as all get out which is essential - it's that I overanalyze every. little. exchange. and want SO BADLY to be really really good at this that it's almost crippling. I'm learning to let things go and maybe it's just an age thing but identifying that Evil Inner Critic has become essential to my development as a therapist. I have a book called The Artist's Way that deals with exactly that, and I've been humming and hawing over doing it...I'll start, then quit due to time constraints, then start again to no avail...it's a little like trying to give up bread. Or...Dr. Pepper. Maybe that's the reason I've been reluctant to write about my internship on here (yeah, it's been nearly 3 whole months and I've not breathed a substantial word about the amazing experience I'm having down here) so, that will change too.

ETDLV '08

Here are some camp highlights...

Camp El Tesoro De La Vida

what's the rush?

On Monday I decided to bike to and from the grocery store - it's only about 1.7 miles from my house - so I rigged up my milk crate and set off. I of course got lost, then got anxious, and my first thought was, "Ugh this is taking so long I need to hurry and get there so I can get back and..."

...hang out by myself? I mean really. I giggled at the thought, then got to thinking about all the rushing around we do on a daily basis, mostly for naught. Always looking forward to the next thing instead of being fully present in the...well, the present moment. It's a difficult shift to make, but I've been trying to engage myself fully in each moment with patients, friends, and especially family. If that means turning off my cell phone at lunch or leaving it behind altogether when we go out, then so be it.

It's kind of liberating.

with fear and trembling...

I just finished with one of the more interesting nights of my life. I would say coincidental but I don't believe in coincidences, so I'll just tell my story and let you hash it out for yourself.

I've been discontent lately...okay so the last 4 years or so...with my faith. I realized in Spain (I went with Campus Crusade to Granada for two months) that my faith was not a mature one, that it was a faith I gleaned from my parents...but at least a faith that got me through the hardest stuff in my life...seriously, without God, I wouldn't still be alive. So anyway, maybe I'm just lazy but I've been spending the last few years really humming and hawing about my faith - going to lots of different churches, being discontent with anything that didn't live up to the meat & potatoes I got at the little church that met in a mall basement in Granada and I don't know that I'll ever find that again, at least in America. But I'll keep looking. I told Kyle tonight that I feel like spiritually I've been asleep, just kind of drifting, being aware of my ebbing and flowing discontent but not really knowing what to do about it. I'm no longer satisfied with what other books or other people have to say about my relationship with God, what rules I should follow (like reading my Bible and doing a quiet time every single day) in my own relationship with God, relationship with Kyle, etc. I don't want to read any more books on Him, I want to be all up in His business and get to know Him like, you know, personally.

This feels really really ridiculously weird to be writing, because maybe I had this picture in my head that people think I'm some big Christian but I think God has just humbled my heart and said, "dude - seriously? I mean, there's no fruit. You know it, I know it, so quit kidding yourself. Come on over and sit here on this couch and let's have a talk." (by the way I heard a long time ago that God talks to you the way you need to hear it, so I figured it would be okay if God says "dude" and "totally" a lot.)

So anyway, there's kind of the back story. What happened a couple months ago is that my friend Casey invited me & the hubs to go to church with her and her husband and I bailed. Repeatedly. So I moved to Austin for this internship thing and heard that there's podcasts from the church, so I downloaded one and sort of listened to half of it but never really got committed. So then a couple days ago (yesterday maybe?) I went into iTunes to download a movie (The Other Boleyn Girl - SO GOOD.) and bam a podcast from The Village Church popped up. Random - this had never happened before. Tonight I decided to listen to it and it really (surprisingly? Maybe not...) hit all my little nails on all their heads. In like, a creepy, only-God-could-do-this kind of way because check it out: the title of the sermon is "Godly Discontentment." I was all hey that's me but you never know, these tricksy pastors could be talking about anything.

But no, I'm pretty sure this guy has been spying on me and then downloaded the sermon on my computer because it's time for me to wake up.

The sermon is all about 1 Timothy 6:11 where Paul is basically laying right out some beginning steps to exploring that discontentment in God. He says to "flee the riches of the world and to pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, and gentleness." There's a LOT of all those things I've been struggling with, especially at work, and definitely in my own life. The pastor talked about contentment not equaling complacency and talked about how sometimes a relationship with God is seen like how a guy and a girl start dating and the guy does all this over-the-top stuff like write poetry and give flowers and whatever to win her and then when they get married he stops pursuing her. In the same way we sometimes get lazy and think WHEW I'm saved! Sweet! Now I can relax! Not the case. The dude went on to talk about how this discontentment comes from God and he talks about Philippians 3:12 where we haven't already gotten there, we won't get there until we're reunited with Christ, but in the meantime to always be reaching forward and then there was verse 15 which totally got my attention - that word maturity. So...whoa. Some people aren't going to see it like this at all, but it's like God knows I have been discontent,knows that I want, pray to be closer to Him but have been unclear as to which direction to go in...and then I started looking back on this year - this whole turning 25, not taking crap from folks, figuring out what I stand for, doing the triathlon, being away from Kyle and working towards this goal of internship where every day I am creating my own theories and philosophies of music therapy - and it's like, I needed all that to be going on so that when I heard all this, everything would almost audibly SNAP into place. This would be the second time that I've been humbled by the thought that God might actually be paying attention to me. Weird. If you want the story of the first time, let me know and I'll tell it, because it's pretty funny, but kind of embarrassing.

That was the biggest part that freaked me out the most about the podcast - there's more about how we can forever change people just by loving them and remembering the confession of your youth etc. etc. but the main thing is that I've not been jarred awake, which I think is funny because (you can ask Kyle) if you wake me up the wrong way I get crAnky, but that I've kind of been in a process of waking up over the last couple weeks/months/years. There was another thing I found cool - the pastor referenced something in Phillippians where it says to work out your salvation with fear and trembling...like, it's really okay to do this and have these questions and make your beliefs your own because it's God working through you, wanting you to be more mature and own your faith. I like that.

Funny, the things that'll happen to you on a fast. I hadn't meant for it to be a religious thing but it looks like it was the right time for me and this weekend somehow the clutter has been cleared enough for everything to make sense. Weird, weird, weird. So okay step 1 be nourished in the Word of God - get back to reading and diving in, maybe find a church, maybe find other people to talk this stuff over with (preferably over some coffee or maybe even a beer) and then step 2 put it into practice. I have the feeling I'll be on step 1 for awhile. I have a lot of digging to do.

So yeah, crazy night.

it's almost summer camp time!

Okay - I know I just did a teeny blurb on camp, but here's the extended version. Last year I volunteered for the first time at El Tesoro De La vida, a grief camp for children ages 6 - 16ish who knew someone who died. I at first didn't know what I was getting myself into, only that I knew I loved kids, loved going to summer camp as a kid. The site is beautiful - tucked away in the woods West of Ft. Worth - and primitive. The lower camp (younger kids) cabins do not have electricity and are just really wood boxes with screens over the windows. We sleep on tiny twin-sized cots, the kind with the crinkly plastic cover that are only like 2 inches thick. We shower down the hill a ways, sometimes with frogs or spiders cowering in the corner. At camp there's also equestrian facilities, archery, swimming pools, and a creek that when it's full there's all kinds of good fishing to be had.

When I tell people I'm excited about going to grief camp the first question I usually get is, "Greek camp?" and I say, "No, grief camp. Like, boo-hoo." So then then next question is invariably, "How could anyone be excited about grief camp? Do you just sit around and cry all the time?" Now honestly, if that was the case, do you think I would go back? Heck no. We tell folks that camp is 95% fun camp stuff (smores, staying up late giggling, camp songs, camp food, etc.) and 5% "someone you know died." My job is to be a cabin buddy (since we have actual licensed counselors, we can't say 'camp counselor') and last year (and I think this year) I'm in lower camp with the 8 year old girlies. I'm so stoked, you don't even know.

What you also don't even know is that these kids have been through a ridiculous amount of trauma...sometimes their sibling has died from cancer but sometimes they've witnessed really violent deaths. The crazy thing though is that they're still kids and this camp gives them a place to run around and enjoy...well, being a normal kid...where nobody is going to think they're weird or a freak because they've got all this emotional stuff going on, because everyone else there knows someone who died too. What's even more is that I really REALLY hate creepy crawlies but dude, dealing with a spider in the shower is nothing compared to watching my dad jump out of a car on the highway. This camp gives some serious perspective.

My grandfather had just passed away last year when I went and there's this part at the beginning of camp where alllll the campers and counselors and buddies sit around and the director tells people to stand up if their mom died, then those folks stand up, and then they move on to dad, then siblings, etc. I stood up when they called grandpa, and then later when we were walking with our sweet little cabin, one girl came up, grabbed my hand and looked up at me and said, "My grandpa died too." I was a puddle right then - I just looked at her and said, "Sucks, huh." And she nodded, and we walked some more.

cleansing.

Mrs. McGuire (Buecker) and I decided to cleanse our bodies from the inside out, and have embarked on a journey known as the Master Cleanser or lemonade diet. This is day two and I have to admit, it's not that bad. I find a ton of other stuff to do besides eat...however I wouldn't recommend going to a grocery store...I had to get some tea from Central Market today and almost tackled an old lady for her ice cream. It's not that I'm super hungry, though - I just think "MMMMMM that would be SO GOOD right now!" but then I think about all the good I'm doing my body and how awesome that first gulp of soup is going to be in 8 days. I mean, you can do anything for 10 days, yeah?

I'm getting excited about the first week in August - I volunteer for a grief camp called El Tesoro De La Vida (the treasure of life). Last year was my first year and I am absolutely HOOKED.

this ain't no dress rehearsal

Last night I went to have dinner with my dad in NB - he's always been quite mystified by this whole vegetarian thing. When I told him I was going to stop eating meat, he asked, "So...what do you eat at you know...restaurants?"

Um...vegetables? Is this a trick question?

I was quite pleased that he decided to grill fish last night when I threw him the "please don't grill me a portobello mushroom" curveball at him. After dinner we got in the pool and hung out for awhile and chatted. On the way home I realized that I had a really good time, and decided that I'm going to stop feeling guilty for having a halfway decent relationship with my dad. When I bounced the idea off another relative of mine, they were really really negative about it, saying that I would only have a superficial relationship with him and my stepmom and I'm such an idealist and I HAVE to be a realist about the situation blah blah blah blah blah. Honestly, I'm just tired of the drama. Life is far too short to carry all this baggage around, and if I'm going to get hurt for being optimistic, then fine. There's no way it could ever hurt as much as it did the first few years, when I felt my world was shattering around me.

The thing is, he's going to be 60 in September, and I don't want to have any regrets these next 20 years. Also to be fair, he's not pulled any crazy stuff since the wedding, so why stir the pot? I just feel so...over it all...and wish to at least try and walk in forgiveness, which I think is a much harder road to walk than stewing in anger.

zoom. possible batman spoiler.

weekend was awesome, filled with family, gardening, a trip to the Dallas Aquarium (I'm pretty sure I have manatee mania - I love those sea cows.), and lots of quality time with the hubs. This was the second time I had to leave my house and I'm finding that parting is less than sweet sorrow when I have to leave my house. Part of it is that we moved in and then a couple weeks later I moved to Austin, and I get so overwhelmed with stuff to do around the house and there's so much to be done...sigh. Plus this was a bit worse 'cos I don't know if I'll see Kyle this coming weekend - we're both really sick of driving but staying put means keeping hundreds of miles between us, and that sucks as well.

The only thing that made stuff slightly better was knowing that at the end of my road trip I got to see The Dark Knight at the Bob Bullock IMAX theater. I thought it was quite possibly the best movie I've ever seen. Seriously. The Joker was definitely multifaceted in his insanity, and I found myself quite sad that it was such a powerful performance, and it was one of Ledger's last. Was anyone paying attention to all the Big Brother messages in the movie and the propaganda? I mean, call me paranoid, but it was totally obvious. (If anyone wants to have an extended conversation about this, Wanted, Wall-E, and the fact that the year that the Olympics are in Beijing is the same year that a Mummy Returns movie is coming out with the premise of little Chinese terra-cotta men taking over the world, I'm down. But I digress...) I was worried that I was going to get motion sickness but really didn't until the end when the Joker's hanging upside down and they move it so he's right-side-up on the screen, still swinging...it made me woozy. Actually, I was shaking and woozy after I got out of the movie, and definitely stayed at a friend's house.

I'm also definitely going to go see it again tomorrow. Rawk.

Tomorrow also begins mine and Michelle's 10-day Master Cleanser fast. I've already downed my lovely laxative tea and have a quart of water all ready to go for the morning. Wish me...well...I'm not sure luck is going to do it this time. Wish me...endurance.

I Smell a Rat...

...in my kitchen. Yes, ladies and gents, not only do I live in a house where I kill a roach nearly every other day (at least they're no longer the Chernobyl-flies that Kyle and I diligently killed the first two weeks I was here), there's a rat. I haven't seen it, but my two housemates have seen it, and various others. Blegh. After the exterminator comes Monday I'm hosing the whole damn place down with bleach.

I did Bikram for a second time and I swear my knees are getting stronger. I can't believe I like this stuff and subject my body to it at least once a week. I love it so much I'm contemplating cleaning the place for 2-3 hours once a week just to get unlimited yoga. The power is dizzying.

better every day

I've gotten so much done in the past day or so that it's mindblowing. All the loose ends that needed to be tied up for me scholastically are in the works - it took some biting of bullets and humility on my part, but it's better. I'm feeling far less overwhelmed, thank you so much for the awesome comments and love and such. I've also made a real attempt at cleaning my car out - you know it's serious when that happens.

Operation QFA.

Yes, friends. Operation Quit F*ing Around.

I went to Houston this past weekend for *yet* another wedding and had a fantastic time just relaxing and doing net to nothing all day Saturday with the hubs and good friends. PLUS I met sweet baby Caroline...we did some hanging out, smiling together, and I taught her how to stick her feet in her mouth. Quite a productive Saturday :)

Caroline's momma is one of those girlfriends you always wish you had, especially when the girls you've previously known have been not very good at being friends. She's always had a knack for keeping me honest...I think the first thing she told me when I met her was she threatened my life if I ever broke Kyle's heart (they've been friends since high school). We got to talking about how uber organized she's gotten since having the baby and I had a good two hours to chew on one statement: "I was always really organized at work so I realized that I was capable of it, I was just lazy in my personal life." It quite literally struck me how true that is for me, how I've gotten amazing at making excuses. I'm great at excuses. Late for work? Traffic. Always, whether it was because I woke up at 7:30 or didn't get to bed until 1am the night before. Don't want to workout? It's hot/humid/my knee hurts/I nearly barfed last time. Woke up late? Not 'I decided 30 more minutes was critical to my survival and the survival of the human race' but my alarm didn't go off. Seriously. If you've got a situation, I've got an excuse. I don't think I've ever told anyone that, and it feels kinda good to get it off my chest.

I have been frustrated lately because I do a lot of talking and not a lot of walking in a few areas of my life. I need to get my spiritual life back on track...it's been a zillion years since I've been to church and there is a aching, Jesus-sized hole in my heart right now. I could post on this for hours and hours, about how figuring out my own religion/etc. has been really interesting, especially since going to Spain, how different Kyle's and my upbringing was really different and how finding a church that satisfies the hippie in me and the conservative in him has been quite a trip. It all really boils down to me knowing and realizing that I have no doubt in my mind that I love God and Jesus and I always will, but listening to other people/books/opinions on how I should live my life just aren't really doing it for me. The problem is that the tools I used in high school and college aren't doing it for me either. So now what? I don't know.

Work-wise, I could be really digging in a whole lot more. I could be researching more, being more organized with planning my sessions, practicing more, reading up on psychiatric music therapy, and so on. I think part of this is realizing that this is my life's passion and I could be really, really, REALLY good at what I do, and it kind of freaks my crap out. Like, I want to be the brainy girl, but so many people throughout my life have doubted me, and that stuff stings. It's this crazy cycle of believing in myself, being confident in my instincts and being okay with making mistakes and then being wrought with doubt over every interaction, activity and written word...to the point that it nearly paralyzes me. And then it cycles back. Weird.

Also, I'm a disorganized piece of work, but just in my personal life, which is all kinds of frustrating. When I was younger my family shamed my "tail" - the trail of destruction I would leave through the house as I wandered through it during the day. These days I'm more organized, but I'll still lose things like my keys, my wallet, some important document so I can graduate. My friend Haley once asked, "Is it frustrating, being you?" The answer (as I'm sure I've written before in this blog) is YES. GOD YES YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

You might be wanting to shake me because I've got this misperception of myself, but trust me, I don't. My first inclination is to download yet another episode of gossip girl and watch it 'til I get sleepy, but I know I've got laundry to do, reading to take care of, and a journal to start.

In college I hit a rebellious patch where I would make excuses for my behavior based on the crazyness of my life. Kelli said a phrase yesterday that echoed what I said when I got tired many years ago of hurting myself and those around me: "I don't have to be that girl." I came home and nearly panicked because there are some deadlines I have ignored, important documents I have to find or else I cannot continue working on my thesis, and by golly, I freaking need some more work clothes, but have been too scared/lazy to face any of it and in the mean time have been running around having a fantastic social life in Austin but have been kind of ignoring the nagging feeling that something's off, that as grownup and awesome as I think I am, there's still a lot of work to be done. I guess this is what I get for praying for humility. Sigh. So, I made a list and I started crossing things off that list. I even went to Kohl's and bought some new black capris because my old ones are literally coming apart at the seams.

I figure that I can only go forward.

posting once a day is hard!

My allergies have finally caught up with me. I've not been sleeping well lately...on Tuesday night after my crazy yoga session I was so wired that I went to my cousin's show and stayed out 'til 2am. Thankfully I woke up the next morning like *BING!* I also stayed out last night, but this morning I woke up totally stuffy - part of the reason is that the mold in Austin is in the moderate range, I guess from the rain and such. Yesterday I went to Zilker to run (4 miles! Yay!) and then went BACK for Blues on the Green and started sneezing. \

I've never been much of a morning person but I find that when I get about 7-8 hours of sleep I feel like a zombie (K likes to go to bed around 10:30 and wake up at 6:30) but if I go to bed around midnight and wake up at like 6:30 I'm much better off. Does this make sense to anyone else?

Blegh.

have you ever...

done hot yoga with 49 other sweaty individuals in North Austin with a teacher guy who at the beginning of the class you thought "hey he's kind of cute in a granola-eating-hemp-wearing-kinda-way" and at the end of class contemplating running up to him in the middle of shivasina and ripping his too-big earrings out?

'cos I have. And it sucked. I made it maybe halfway through the class and I got really, REALLY dizzy so had to sit out most of it. I would sit, take some deep breaths, then try to get up again only to be accosted by MORE dizziness and at one point some blood pounding in my head so hard I couldn't sit up straight. Of course, there was a $28 for a month of unlimited yoga deal going on and I shopped like a woman ie: figured HEY! Isn't all Bikram the same (I looove my studio in Richardson/Dallas) and also an acquaintance of mine is launching an "assault on (her) body with (her) body" which sounds like a lovely idea to me...I'm tired of making excuses for my weight, tired tired tired of not liking what I see in the mirror, tired of saying "well maybe next year/month/week..."

What I should've said in the Fat Genes post was that Carlos and I discussed that we come from a fatty family. It's true - lots of my extended relatives have had what they call "the surgery" (gastric bypass) and unfortunately I have only heard of one who has really changed her life/eating habits/way of viewing herself as a result. I don't think I'll ever let myself get that far, but my point is that if I want to go in the skinny direction under my own power, I have all the tools I need right here...my hands, my brains, my legs, and my love of the outdoors. The thing that is most difficult for me is the eating. I know I must exercise portion control, I know that I must workout at least 30 minutes every SINGLE DAY or else everything goes to crap. Carlos let me in on the secret that we just have to work a lot harder than everyone else does at this losing-weight thing because of our fatty fat genes. I'm also convinced that our thyroid issues that run in the family also have something to do with it.

The other, kind of shallow thought that I have is that right now I weigh around 165. I just Googled "average pregnancy weight gain" and it's between 25 and 35 pounds and I just really REALLY don't ever want to weigh over 200 pounds, or anywhere near it. So here goes. Assault time.

this morning...

When your schedule gets crazy and you start doing things like locking your keys in your car, losing cell phones, etc., we call it "pulling a Bill" after my supervisor in Dallas who was prone to such incidents. I've been Bill-ing all morning.

First, I woke at 6am, determined to work out, shower, then catch the bus. The alarm went off and I got up, got ready, got to work, only to realize that it was a dream. I jerked awake at 7am cursing my imagination. Speaking of realizations, I had tried to remember to take my wallet out of Kyle's glove box yesterday before he drove back to Dallas yesterday but alas in a flash of comprehension right before I started tearing my room apart to look for it, my wallet whispered my name. Loudly. Because it was in Dallas. Shoot. I called Kyle to confirm and sure enough there it was in the glove box. I promised to call him from the car because I was at that point running a few minutes late for work when I discovered, yes, I was out of gas. Like, drove home with the light on last week after Michelle & Cody's wedding. Luckily I found a $5 which got me a whole 1.2 gallons and then came to work, eager to dive into a cup of French Roast courtesy of my supervisor. But alas, I had forgotten to dump out some coffee from last Wednesday, so all I saw when I looked into my cup were two floating roaches.

yeah. I threw that cup away.

Whirlwind Wedding Weekend

I am laying in bed at 4:30pm on Sunday, trying to decide if I want to pass out or get up and do something.  The jury's been out for at least an hour thusfar.  Sunday night I ended up staying out late at a bachelorette party and on the way home convinced Kyle that staying home instead of driving to McAllen for our second wedding of the weekend was a good idea...I was exhausted.  I knew he really wanted to go to the wedding though so we decided to reconsider in the morning...about 8 or 9am so we could get there early and get ready.  Well, I woke up at 10:15am and FREAKED out because we were running late - Kyle had decided to let me sleep!  I felt so ridiculously guilty that I started grabbing stuff and we got in the car and 5 hours later we were in McAllen! Why is communication so difficult sometimes?!

super wedding weekend!

Last night was Cody & Michelle's rehearsal dinner, tonight is the wedding - and I get to see Kyle and I'm stoked because I didn't see him last weekend - and tomorrow is one of my favorite holidays (due entirely to the presence of fireworks) plus a bachelorette party and hanging out with some girls I haven't seen in way too long :)  Then Saturday we're packing up and headed to McAllen for the Carter/Medina wedding!  We're staying down there that night of course, then we'll be back on Sunday.  Phew.  I'll post pics soon I promise :) 

I have a fever...

sometimes I get in super practicing modes - seriously, this is one of those times. I'm inspired by my supervisors because they all have mad guitar/frame drumming/drumming/singing/improvisational skills and I feel not that I'm so far behind but that I have so much to keep learning and learning and learning. I learned bar (barr?) chords this morning and am learning a song I've wanted to learn since high school (Jewel's Morning Song) because I now know a) how to play the guitar and b) my supervisor came in and threw down the chords for me. It was exhilarating.

Did I mention that I love this internship? Seriously.

Music Therapy Step 1: Plug in the CD Player.

It's lunchtime and I'm laying on my bed trying to relax for a few more minutes before going back to work.  I came all the way down south for lunch because I had to pick up my bridesmaids dress for the Buecker/McGuire wedding...too bad my dress won't be done 'til tomorrow...no stress.

My very first session of the day was way interesting - I've temporarily taken over for an art therapist who resigned so I decided to do some passive music listening with drawing to transition between art and music therapy.  In the first 5 minutes two patients got in a fight and one started screaming...I didn't think it was effecting me but I looked down and my hands were shaking as I tried to get markers from my bag.  Once things got settled down I asked them if they knew what Friday was (they mostly got it right) and I asked them to draw 4th of July pictures.  Then I went to put a CD of Whitney Houston singing the Star Spangled Banner and the CD player wouldn't work.  I pushed every button, checked the cords going to the stereo, everything.  My supervisor's supervisor, who was there helping me get settled in asked, "Well, is it plugged in?" I nodded yes because I had plugged it in when we first gotten there but it had apparently gotten unplugged in the chaos.  Doh.

Everyone participated for the most part...one person drew an eagle, someone else drew hot dogs and watermelon...the patient who usually draws inappropriate stuff was in rare form today and showed me all kinds of um...drawings.  The experience was definitely a lesson in boundaries - one of the patients got demoted a level for touching my bum.  I hardly noticed because the space is tight and I was scooting through some chairs. 

Anyhow - woohoo!  First session down. I also did a really cool one-on-one session with an elderly patient who has beautiful, gnarled hands, today who has problems talking but has a fantastic singing voice.  It was way inspiring for many reasons.  He sometimes has delusions and tries to say he's God or Jesus and the thought that struck me was "well...so what if he is?"  Loving the unloved/unlovable is part of the job description, yeah?

Post a Day

I'm going to see if I can post at least once every day in July. I know I haven't been writing much about my internship but it's mostly because I don't know what is okay to write about and what is not. Also, I've been learning loads about myself and am trying to work all this stuff out in other ways, like journaling, getting back in touch with God and of course, going out dancing as much as I can handle.

But I do know that if taboo crap goes down I can always have a Quote of the Day (too bad it's not May). So here's a couple to get you through your day:

(from last week)
Therapist: "So your brother is a preacher?"
Patient: "No, my brother is a heathen shit."
*you'd have to know the woman who said it to think it's as hilarious as falling out of a chair warranted, but I nearly did just that.

June 1st
"Awesome dead possum" - Educator Sub guy

Jason Mraz

No Bretteness, my cousin isn't Jason Mraz - I get weird enough looks from people when I tell them my cousin (the one on the left - your left, not their left) is super hot but I'm sure people would look at me like I'm downright crazy when I said I had a mad hott crush on my cousin because oh by the way he's Jason Mraz. I mean, that would be incestuous and totally gross. Totally awesome, but totally gross.

No, Carlos and the rest of the Grooveline is on tour as Jason's horn section. I was suprised to read on Jason's site that he's really influenced by Bob Schneider. It's all about the degrees of separation in the music world, seems like. By the way, if you like reading blogs, you should read his. They're clever and sometimes include little songs he writes.