I'm just one stomach flu away from my ideal weight.

I wish.

So last night, K made the most amazing Mediterranean feast for me, my sis, and my niece. Strangely, I conked out for 45 minutes after the fam left, and then started feeling like tossing my cookies would be imminent. NOT a fun feeling. Mind you, I hate throwing up so much that I will do dang near everything to keep from doing it. So, the Hubs tucked me into bed and I prayed that I would not be LATER praying to the porcelain.

12:50am - I woke up, trotted into the bathroom and tossed every single cookie I had. Seeing as some barf had made it onto the ends of my pajama pants, I took a shower, then crawled, defeated, back into bed.

3:00am - Woke up AGAIN, thinking of spinach, and barfed.

Now, any of you reading out there who are prone to taking the smallest sniffle as pregnancy signs, please don't freak out. This week I hung out with a kid who definitely had a stomach bug, and then I went to my friend's kindergarten class, where 7(?) kids had been out the last week for stomach flu. I have spent most of my time these past few months alone, in my office, procrastinating on writing my thesis. You do the math.

This morning, I slept 'til 11 and have spent most of my time on the couch, re-reading the February issue of Domino, may she rest in peace, and watching Walk the Line. Hubs fetched me some goodies like vitamin water, crackers, ginger tea, bananas, and chicken and stars! soup but all I've been able to handle is vitamin water, tea, and just now I'm trying my luck on a banana.

Sigh. This is what you get when you say, "Gosh, it's been so long since I've been sick..."

shout out

BIG MEGA THANKS to Daina and Joanna for donating to the Lance Armstrong Foundation :) You ladies are amazing...I'm working on proper thank you notes, so as soon as I get those designed, I'll thank you properly but for now this will have to do! Thank you so much for supporting me and supporting the cause!

love,
christina

Passion & Purity

I apologize for the anger-ball-ness of the previous post. I had just had one of those experiences that make one regret putting so much time and effort into a friendship. I hate to make this blanket statement, but guys can be so blind to the fact that although they may need to make proclamations, said proclamations can be rather hurtful to a girl.  Things like, "You were there for when I needed you for certain things like cheering me on or someone to talk to but I don't need those things any more," or a more distant version, "I just don't have a place for you in my life any more." Somehow, guys (exes, to be specific) seem to think that instead of just gracefully letting a relationship go, they have to say these things that they think is the right thing to do, to do right by their soon-to-be wife/fiancee, but it is hurtful to hear. Be a gentleman, for goodness' sake, and just let the emotional and physical distance do its work. We are smart ladies, we don't need it to be spelled out for us. And besides, spelling it out in that way will ensure that you will get something thrown at you.

I don't know how I came by Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot in my early teens, but it is one of few books I have read and re-read throughout the years. It speaks of virginity and restraint that one must uphold in a dating relationship and yeah I know I'm married and all now, but I also think that Elisabeth and Jim's courtship and marriage story is a beautiful, romantic one. Seriously, if you can get your hands on anything written by either Elisabeth or Jim Elliot, you will not be disappointed. Even now, her words and the Word in it continue to be relevant.

Anyway, I read a passage today that really spoke to me...Elisabeth received a letter from a woman who had met an amazing guy who "had walked into her life, given her every reason to believe he was crazy about her, then drifted off into someone else's life. He had the chutzpah to come back from time to time to tell her how his new girl was "filling voids" in his life which no one else had ever filled. (What rubbish, I thought, what ails a man who would do such a thing? WHat ails the woman who will listen?)" then then Elisabeth includes verbatim the letter from the woman and is as follows, "The Lord has brought about growth in me through knowing him, something I cannot regret, though there have been times when I wished I'd never met him. I have to give him to the Lord regularly...I've told the Lord I want to be an obedient servant, and He shot back, 'And are you willing to face grief and pain or whatever it takes for Me to make you that?' Even though I felt unable, I said, 'what choice do I have? I know too much to drop the ball now. There's no turning back.' I'd belying if I said I wasn't afraid. But He has brought me this far and already my joy is unspeakable."

Even now, typing those words, different things stand out to me. I am admittedly not very good at letting things go, especially in the areas of past hurt relationships. It hurts me deeply to hear others put those relationships in a box so that they may move on, when I have a hard time cramming all that very real emotional into a box. Or in some cases, burning that box. Relationships that were not only romantic but even family relationships, friendships. I am learning though that there is a difference between letting one's habits be formed and continued because of those relationships or learning from them, and giving them over to God. It's not easy, and if anyone out there has figured it out or has walked a similar path, how have you triumphed over it?

Family Secret

If you know me, you know my mom's been sick for a long time. The fact that she's alive is really honestly a daily blessing. Part of her recovery came when she visited a health clinic for 3 weeks, where she worked on her physical and mental well-being. When she returned, she had this zen-ness about her that was enviable. That and she was vegan. And skinny. It was amazing. 

So one night we went out to dinner in Austin at Casa de Luz with my brother and my cousin and we sat down in this little outdoor pagoda and she told us a story.

When she was at the health clinic, she had the opportunity to be treated by the most educated, talented doctors with the most state-of-the-art equipment. One such doctor was a therapist, a graduate of Harvard. During a session, she talked about her life, her joys, her despairs, about relationships that had really pissed her off and things that had not gone her way. When she was done, she sat back, and the doctor looked at her with his hands crossed and said, "Do you know what I do when things get to be too much?" My mother leaned in, hanging on his every word. "I take my hands like this, and I pretend like I'm drawing a bubble around it and then I flick it and say..." She leaned closer.

And Mr. Harvard Educated said, "F*#@ it."

I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

Saving Thyme...

So there we were, making homemade Pho when suddenly Kyle said, "Op...the sprinkler's on....you'd better go save your thyme..." What ensued was me dropping my cell phone, scrambling into the yard in my socks and pjs, and rescuing a plant while getting sprayed in the face with a sprinkler. See, I thought that the sprinkler I dumped dirt onto had a cap on it. Not the case in the least bit.

Is It Spring Yet?

Above are my starting seeds for basil, jalepeños, two kinds of tomatoes, green peppers, lettuce, spinach, and poblano peppers.
I decided to try more with flowers this year - and I cannot help but repurpose stuff. This clementine box was about to get tossed, so I put rocks on the bottom and filled it up with soil and compost, then added flower seeds! Bachelor buttons, marigolds (good for pest repellant),  and multlicolored cosmos. I have never been particularly successful with flowers, but I am committed to being persistent with them.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Team Livestrong 2009!

SO EXCITED!!!

I have been accepted to be part of Team Livestrong 2009 for the Austin Triathlon! This means a lot to me because waaaay back at the beginning of last year I said that I wanted to get fit and do races to raise money for cancer research and now I finally get to realize that dream! 

Why cancer? Well, everyone knows that cancer sucks, but it strikes really close to home for me. In college, I was entertainment chair for UT's chapter of Colleges Against Cancer, which put on a Relay for Life event at the tower. It was all-night fun and insanity and we loved every minute of it. During a CAC meeting, the president of the organization asked us each to get up and say why we wanted to be a part of this. I was caught off-guard and am usually scared stiff at moments like this, but then I started listing off the people I knew who had had cancer:

My mom - thyroid, when I was born. My dad - skin cancer from spending countless summers in the Texas sun. My paternal grandmother - did not get the care she needed for colon and lung cancer because she was in a Eastern religious cult in California. My maternal grandfather - I watched as the ravages of pancreatic cancer took him away. My friends Chris and Joanna who got the cancer diagnosis the very same summer.

My sister and her husband do bike rides supporting AIDS research, and while I've always been interested in the thought of racing for a cause, nothing resonated so deeply with me as the fight against cancer. Just this morning during my run I thought of my grandmother cheering me on as I am finally overcoming my hatred of running so I can do things like this because seriously folks, as much as I have a deep joy when it comes to swimming and biking, I HATE running. I have to work very, very hard at it to not hate every second of life while doing it. However, when I start slowing my pace and thinking that I can't go on I know it sounds cheesy but I think about everything that the people who've dealt with cancer have been through and it keeps my feet hitting the ground.

So anyway, in thinking about the races I want to do this year, I wanted to do the Danskin again and then do another one. Friends had done the Austin Triathlon last year, so when perusing the site, I found this link, and was totally inspired so I applied and was accepted!!! Hooray!  I am excited because this is the first year they have added triathlons to their list of supported races! I have to turn in my acceptance and I have to raise about $1000, so there will be updates soon regarding all that business. I hope you'll keep reading as I start this great adventure!

Love!

Christina

eating healthy in the recession

on a friend's blog I found this article.

I can only speak from what I know, so here goes. Buying veggies that are in season, seeking out farmers markets, and cutting down on meat consumption saves you a LOT of money. I actually wish I had become more veggie loving when I was in college because I would have saved a TON of money. 

I thought the most interesting part of that article was in the last sentence, "today we aren't necessarily cutting back on the quantity we eat, but the quality." I think that's a shame, really. I do know that we as Americans just flat out eat way too much and people are unwilling to give up things that are bad for them just because they love them. For example, I read in Vegetarian Times about vegetarians who don't eat enough veggies. It happens. So, a good fix is that if you love pasta, and you're going to cook 2 cups of it, why not substitute 1 cup of it with say, zucchini? You're still getting the same amount of food, less calories, and it's a way healthier option.

Workout update

Well, this week started the run 25 minutes, walk 5 minutes segment of my Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer book. I've been looking forward to this week for a few days, especially in the middle of my third day of run 20 minutes/walk 5 minutes REPEAT workout last week. I've also been to Yoga 10 out of the last 14 days (I just cannot pry myself away from my house/husband on the weekends. Maybe next weekend.) so I feel great. I pulled on my troublesome jeans last night and they even fit a little different...not so much looser but just...different. 

The Danskin info finally came out and it's in Austin on June 7th! That means I'll be triathaloning in 117 days! I need to also decide if I want to do another sprint or do an olympic this year. I think really even though I said I would oly this year, I would like to do two sprints and then do an olympic next year. As this is only my second year and I haven't started the bike or swim training yet (pending new tires and a place to swim) I think I would like to take it easy, train solidly for two sprint tris.

Spring Fever

After months of the weather being dreary and chilly, we saw 70-75F this weekend, and I swear, it feels like I've just woken up from a very long nap.

I have been a busy little bee!  First, check out my sweet little workspace in the office :)

Next we go out into the garden...I expanded it so now it's about 7' x 7'. It only took shoveling out the grass (ugh), 1 trip to the garden center, 2 trips to Home Depot Richardson and 1 trip to Home Depot Plano, 20 pavers, 7 bags of topsoil, 5 bags of compost and 2 bags of Humax. Right now I've got Nasturium and Violas (pictured below), which are both edible flowers. I planted them in the shadier section of the garden, hopefully they'll be happier there. I also started seeds for spinach and lettuce for the cooler parts. The sunny spots are reserved for the green peppers, poblanos, jalepeños, cherry tomatoes and Brandywine tomatoes that I started seeds for today. 

Running Playlist

Zingy - Aksent

Single Ladies - Beyonce

Forever - Chris Brown

Shake Some Action - Cracker

I Believe in a Thing Called Love - The Darkness

Tambourine - Eve

Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand

Faith - George Michael

You and I Both - Jason Mraz

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

The Dynamo of Volition - Jason Mraz

Leavin' - Jesse McCartney

Cold Hard Bitch - Jet

Gonna Get What You Need - Jet

Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet

Praise Chorus - Jimmy Eat World

Love Lockdown - Kanye

Somebody Told Me - The Killers

All These Things That I've Done - The Killers

Sex On Fire - Kings of Leon

Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall

Change - Lightning Seeds

Push - Madonna

Sunday Morning - Maroon 5

Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough - Michael Jackson

The Way You Make Me Feel - Michael Jackson

Here It Goes Again - Ok Go

You're So Damn Hot - Ok Go

Can't Stop - Ozomatli

Take On Me - Reel Big Fish

Creator - Santogold

Overdrivin' the Mic - South Austin Jug Band

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Stevie Wonder

We Are Young - Supergrass

Live Your Life - T.I. & Rihanna

That's Not My Name - The Ting Tings

True Story.

From this site. Wildly appropriate. 

Did I just say that? Darn you, Carnochan.

Blooming late sucks.

I don't know what it was, I woke up yesterday morning thinking about everyone I know, how they worked so hard to get where they are in life - my mom from government housing in Laredo to the first to graduate from UT in our family, my dad from a farm in Memphis constantly reinventing himself as a businessman, my siblings all pursuing their dreams and taking decades to get there, everything. So, I decided to quit blaming my work ethic on anything else and decided to see what would happen if I got back to working hard to get where I want to be. After being in school for so long, it's been tough for me to find that inner oomph to get me going, but at least I know it's in there, and I need to foster it.

In talking to my sweet friend Alina the other day, we came up with a good analogy, since I'm training for the triathlons and doing this crazy 60 day yoga challenge where you go every day...more on that later. We compared it to spending daily time in the Word and how sometimes it's awesome and you feel refreshed and sometimes it feels more like a chore, but that doesn't mean you don't go back to it every single day, just as in running and yoga you know that the daily diligence is leading to something much greater. Same goes for working hard for something you want. I would be ungrateful if I didn't put all of my heart and soul into finishing my degree and finding a job because I am blessed to be pursuing my dream job.  So yeah. Go team.

It doesn't feel like lazy...

I fear I am in a blocked state right now. K is bewildered when he comes home and asks "what did you do all day?" and I mutter something about yoga, running, and cleaning the office. I don't sit around watching tv all day, and today was the first day in a while I've napped.  I have no idea what's going on or how to combat it. I feel like I have this huge list of things to do and don't know where to start. Maybe I could actually physically make the list in no particular order and then DO them in the order I put them down because right now on the list things like Apply For Graduation are right next to Finish Obama Hope Cross-Stitch For My Brother.

Sigh. Anyone ever been there?

Bikram Yoga 60 Day Challenge

At the studio where I practice/work they're doing a studio-wide 60-day challenge, which basically means you sign up to do 60 straight days of yoga to see what happens. I am on day 4 and seem to have taken a couple steps back - the last two days have been more difficult than ever. However, one of the big things about the postures in Bikram is keeping your standing leg locked. I have come a VERY long way in this respect...in a lot of the postures I just stand there with my leg locked and count, then relax, then go after it again. I didn't realize just how out of shape I was until I started doing this practice! ugh!

In other news, the "ice storm" of '09 started out kind of lame - all day on Wednesday the news was on this 24/7 coverage of people clomping around in puddles saying, "Nope, no ice yet." Funny stuff.  That night though, the temperatures finally dropped and there was ice all over the place!  Kyle even got to stay home from work. We worked a little bit on the office, hung up some guitars, and I got to work on learning the mandolin :)

In also made some potato leek soup in honor of our last dinner in Colorado because it was just so cold out and suuuuper tasty!  Here's the recipe:

1/2 cup butter

2 leeks, sliced

salt & pepper

1 quart chicken (or vegetable) broth

1 Tbs cornstarch

4 c potatoes, diced * I used red potatoes and left the skins on 

2 c milk

okay so I cheated, the original recipe called for 1 cup of butter and 2 cups of heavy cream. Substitute in and out as you please :)

In a large pot over medium heat, melt butter and cook leeks with salt and pepper until tender *here's where I added a little bit of garlic* stir frequently, for about 15 minutes

Stir cornstarch into broth and pour broth into the pot. Add potatoes and bring to a boil. Season with salt and pepper. Add milk/cream, reduce heat and simmer for 30 minutes, until potatoes are tender. Season with salt and pepper before serving. *and if you're adventurous, add a dash of cayenne pepper ;)

This was a really great recipe on a cold, icy day! We ate it with yummy garlic bread :)

25 Random Things

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note/post with 25 random things, facts, opinions, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 (ha! let's say, 5) people to be tagged. 

1. I just muted The Bachelor so I could think seriously about this.

2. I am at once grateful and terrified that I get to do the things I love most in this world: make music and help people.

3. I have started my own personal journey of a "spiritual renaissance." Newsflash: it's a lot harder to be in the Christian crowd when a) not all your friends go with you to youth group on Wednesday nights and b) some things done by the "Christian" community at large are really, hideously, embarrassing.

4. I wonder sometimes how American society has become this place where we are always judging and psychoanalyzing each other, even in close personal relationships, instead of just letting each other be. 

5. It literally breaks my heart when I hear of friends who make poor choices and then have to deal with those consequences. 

6. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, almost to a "wow - she's crazy." point.

7. I also believe that Quantum Physics explains a lot of spiritual stuff.  See? Crazy.

8. About every other week, the quote "I'm really glad you found music therapy because in undergrad there wasn't really anything you were really...you know...good at..." resonates in my brain. Outcomes are varied and often include self loathing and determination.

9. K and I have started talking about having kids, now that I'm nearly done with the degree and paying off my student loans is looking like it might happen one day.

10. and some days, it scares the crap out of me.

11. and then there are the days like yesterday when Random Kid randomly started yammering to me on the airplane about how he's really excited about going to see his mommy and the plane goed up and downed and do you want to get off the plane now?

12. I think people who talk to kids like they're kids sound ridiculous. How are they supposed to learn to talk and reason verbally? I've gotten the most respect and response from kids when you speak to them as adults.

13. Also, I think that when you expect adult things like saying yes and no m'am and not screaming just because your tv show is getting turned off if you do you're going straight to bed no argument, and eating at the dinner table with the family, you're doing much better by your children than 90% of this country.

14. I am blessed with the most insanely normal group of people to call family for in-laws.

15. I am also blessed with an incredibly eclectic, loving, funny, spiritual, random, mixed-up bag of tricks for a family that I seriously must have done some fabulous things in a past life to end up with.

16. I want to lose at least 30 pounds this year because I refuse to put my body through whatever having a baby and ending up at like 200 pounds would do to it.

17. I know patience is a virtue, but I can make impatience look kind of cute, so often I go with that.

18. I think Dave Matthews is one of the smartest people alive. Who else could come up with such wise sayings as, "tomorrow is no place to place your better days." or get away with the entire lyrics of the album "Crash" ?

19. My mom got debilitatingly sick when I was 9 and let me tell you - growing up that early ain't no picnic, but it certainly made me who I am today, which is, you know, fine, but somedays I wish it would have been different.

20. I only recently started self-identifying as "American." After traveling and living in different countries, I realized that we aren't as great as we say we are. It's getting better though.

21. I learned to crochet when I was a kid so, good luck - it takes a really long time to get good at it, which is probably why knitting pisses me off so much because I have only been doing that for a couple years.

22. It's not so much that I have crappy taste in music but that I have a broad appreciation for music, some of which includes a passion for, say, Kanye West.

23. I would drop everything for the opportunity to be a professional dancer like, in movies or on Broadway shows.

24. I think Kyle is going to be the coolest dad ever.

25. I need to eat a little tiny something sweet after dinner to feel really done with my day. Sometimes it's a piece of fruit, or dark chocolate, or better yet, both of those with a glass of wine.

So here you go - Suzy, Jackie, Kelli (if you haven't already done this), Daina (ha! you already did it!), Lyssa, and Megan

um, okay. weird.

So today, we decided to go skiiing after a morning of hanging out and playing a game, just me, Kyle, and Daniel. The rest of the folks went snow toobing, or, as I like to say, snoobing.

Serendipitously, my best friend Haley is ALSO in Breck, so we decided to go meet her on another mountain, Peak 8. So, we went over there, hung out in the warming hut and came out all pumped to ski and MY SKIS WERE MISSING. RAWR.

We hung out for probably an hour, and I said LOTS of prayers to St. Anthony and God, begged Jesus to work this out. A couple showed up, complaining that someone had also stolen THEIR Rossignol skis, and ended up taking some skis that fit them. Haley went to meet her friend and boyfriend, and ended up taking the gondola down to a happy hour. So, Daniel left, to go meet up with Kyle and about a half hour after THAT, Haley left with her friend Melissa and we were all going to meet up for a happy hour in town.

On the bus to our car, Haley calls me and says, "hey you're not going to believe this but...my friend Melissa has your skis." My name was on the skis. Duh.

Dude. Seriously.

Kyle would also like me to mention that he made it down a green slope his second day on a snowboard and didn't totally eat it. More later - I love vacation!!! Thanks for all the prayers! Altitude sickness has completely subsided, and hey, we found the skis :)

8 Things About Me

I think I was tagged? Before trips I cannot sleep out of anticipation, so...here you go.

8 TV Shows I Watch:
1. True Beauty
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. Ugly Betty
4. Grey's (sometimes)
5. Big Bang Theory
6. How I Met Your Mother
7.
8.

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. Best Thai
2. Dream Cafe
3. Casa de Luz
4. Kenichi
5. Pirhana
6. The Spanish Tapas bar near us I forgot the name
7. Panera (but only in St. Louis, where everyone calls it "Bread Company")
8. Imo's Pizza (speaking of St. Louis)

8 Things That Happened To Me Today:
1. Watched the coolest inauguration ever
2. Ate yummy fajitas
3. Crocheted a hat, then realized it was too big (yes, even for my head)
4. Bought a camera case out in Podunk, Tx
5. Applied for reduced tuition
6. Got into gamelan ensemble without having to sign up in the class, which is rad.
7. Worked on the Shepard Fairey Obama Hope poster cross-stitch
8. Packed for Breck!

8 Things I Look Forward To:
1. 60 day yoga challenge
2. Sunday migas or waffles
3. Cooking with Kyle
4. Planting my Spring/Summer garden
5. Redoing the master bath
6. Toobing in the Summer
7. Danskin Triathlon
8. Seeing family

8 Things I Wish For:
1. My favorite people to live in Dallas
2. Better discipline
3. A clean office
4. Being better at that whole slow to speak quick to listen thing
5. Healthy babies one day (not any time soon don't anyone freak out)
6. A job
7. Better lives for the kids I worked with in Austin and at grief camp
8. My thesis to write itself

Playlist

As per Runner's World magazine, I added some tunes to my iPod that, quite frankly, made my run yesterday awesome:

Where Are We Runnin'? - Lenny Kravitz

Live Your Life - TI & Rihanna

Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi

Faith - George Michael

Faith was toward the beginning of my run and I was cracking up the whole time. It's really hard not to picture George Michael strutting and singing to you while you're getting all hot and sweaty. Toward the end of my run times (15 minutes! w00t!) I have to play songs to motivate me and gosh darn if that crazy therapeutic music doesn't work. First was Live Your Life, which was really, really surprisingly inspiring the last 3 or so minutes when I feel like dying. Oh and of course there's Ozomatli's Can't Stop, which I sometimes play in a loop if I get to the end of the song and have more running to do. The lyrics, "Can't stop now - got to keep moving - we've got faith in what love can do - shake it shake it shake shake it..." just get me going :)

Flipping thrilled :)

So, we're getting a new president in a couple days, which re

minds me of a dream I had recently. I was on a cargo plane with a bunch of people, Will Smith, and the current president. I told my friend Ollie that wow Will Smith was really good looking in person, then I turned to Bush Jr. and said, "So, you glad this thing's going to be over soon?" and he said, "psshshhYEAAAHH" in a relieved sort of way. It cracked me up the next morning. I am really glad Obama won by a landslide, and like I said before, I don't think he poots rainbows and butterflies, and I know there is a crazy huge list of things for him to tackle, but I do know that this is the first time I voted and cared about the candidates, am going to actually watch the inauguration and pay attention to the speech. I am deeply hoping that the cynicism that many McCain voters had will subside because I am tired of the 2 or 3 in my life coming up with really random crap about Obama to get really. ticked. off. about.  Like the Email that my dad sent me AFTER the vote about how Obama doesn't take care of his dad's 3rd or 4th wife's poor kid in Africa. A friend recently likened politics to football games, about how people get so involved in rooting for the team and they have their lifelong commitments to this team or that one and get really, deeply hurt when their team loses. Like Texas/OU weekend, you know? Anyway, I hope that this president will bring people together if for no other reason than he is now your president, my president.

Also, on a less global front, this weekend is over, which means I get my Techie of the Year (no, not kidding) hubs back. Also, stoked because I went to a flea market yesterday and found the cutest little desk :) 

In terms of working out and such, I am coming to realize that with the lack of metabolism my family has so graciously blessed me with, losing weight is HARD freaking WORK. Daily work. I found encouragement in something I was reading about fad diets and research shows that the slower weight takes to get off, the better chance you have it'll stay off. That had better be true.

Pray.

    When I read stories like this it makes me think of how smart God is, using the internets to get people together and everything.

sigh...

Happy Birthday, grandpa Brandon - miss you.

what's with today, today?

bleeeeeeeeegh.

That's how today has been. I woke up sore and exhausted - I've worked out 13 out of the last 16 days this year, and I think this morning my body had totally just had it. So, I cleaned up from the little 26-year bday party and sat around watching tv. You know it's serious when that happens. I found out that I actually kind of like the West Wing, and I caught up on the ABC show True Beauty...seriously, anything executively produced by Ashton Kutcher and/or Tyra Banks, I'll watch it. Those shows are my weakness.

I was bummed because I was supposed to do a run workout today but could NOT for the life of me get the motivation to do it. So, I ate a leftover cupcake and some tasty black bean stir-fry with kale and hopefully will feel better tomorrow. I think it might have something to do with the pizza, sangria, and beer from last night making me feel all icky.

I'm really excited about a few things coming up this week: first, school is starting back up, which means I'll have some accountability for getting my thesis rolling...I finally got bored enough with trying to get the house back together that I printed out some paperwork and lined up almost all my data. Second, we're going to Colorado on Wednesday! It's the first ski trip for K and the first time since my senior year in high school to hit the slopes and I am so thrilled! I LOVE skiing and I'm really glad I learned how to when I was younger because that whole uhhhh-let's-think-about-this-flinging-ourselves-down-a-mountain-thing is pretty much lost on me. I also love hot chocolate and chili when there's SNOW on the ground! And MOUNTAINS! Can you tell I'm excited? Third, and this kind of goes along with #2 but with my Xmas and Bday money I'm going to get a new tiny camera so I can take it on the mountain, and pretty much take it everywhere with me. We have a bulkier camera that I like using for artsy fartsy stuff but I've been craving a slim point-and-shoot to throw in my purse for everyday stuff.

Finally, the yoga studio I frequent has started a work-for-trade program where basically I go with two other people once a week and clean, and then get free unlimited yoga. Considering the sessions are $20 a pop and I am as of yet gainfully unemployed I am beyond thrilled that this is going to work out. Speaking of working out, tomorrow is my run 10 minutes/walk 5 minutes x2 and then next week the run bumps up. The book I'm reading puts the end of the training around the beginning of June, and by then I should technically be ready to run a marathon, which I'm not going to do, but it'll be fantastic cross training endurance-wise for the triathalons.

I realize the post is just a wee bit tangental - I've got a little bit of cabin fever and am just excited about connecting with the outside world.

diet and excercise? what a concept.

Besides eating, sleeping, cooking, and working out, things have been quiet around here because I've been busy busy busy organizing my house.  

The biggest thing I guess is I've been really paying attention to what I eat and how much of it and what I do (good things!) or do not (coffee! sodas! excess sweets!) put in my body and you know what? I saw 170lbs this morning, which is exciting because I was at 175 on the 1st. It's probably all water weight but my goal is to be comfortably and consistently under 170 by the end of the month. Also, I went for my 5 min jog/5 min walk x3 yesterday (for 30 minutes) and I felt AWESOME. My legs felt really really good and strong. I'll be a runner...one day...

Ha!

Resolution update: I have not touched my beloved guitar, piano OR mandolin yet this year, mostly because since getting back from New Year travels, I've been organizing the house and getting it together like crazy. Our living room has been cleaned and de-Christmasified, and the kitchen is on its way to actually working. Much thanks to mom and grandma who for Christmas not only gave me and K our very own china (from my mom's marriage to my dad) but places to store them.

keeping up with the stockses

I forgot to post this in my last entry, but I post my workouts at a place called Daily Mile, which is a sort of social networking/workout log site where people can meet others who are biking/running/swimming in their area and may be doing the same races. So, if you're wanting to join up in this crazy triathlon adventure (ahem, Kelli) then have a look at DM.

Resolution update: I've been drinking only water (except for the occasional glass of wine and a cranberry mimosa yesterday yummm) and walked my 30 minutes almost every day except Saturday...it was a travel day from Arkansas and I made up for it by walking 45 minutes yesterday.  Thinking about joining the YMCA because they have a pool.

first two days of triathlon training :)

I have to admit that doing the Danskin (.75k (1/2 mile) swim, 20k (12 miles) bike, 5k (3.1 miles) run) last year was ridiculously empowering and made me want more. The Great Kate and I did that one, and she went on to do another sprint distance in August (the Austin tri? I don't remember the name...) and started throwing around the idea of an olympic (1 mile swim, 25 mile bike, 6.2 mile run) this year. The thought makes me kind of nauseous. At any rate, I got to thinking that if an olympic is on the map, then I could train for the olympic tri and do the Danskin as kind of a warmup.

So, I've started walking, and am giving myself 6 months to really focus on running. In terms of the bike, friends of ours just moved out into the boonies so there are lots of good biking roads near their house to take advantage of. I also live a mile from Whole Foods and 3 miles from Sprouts and a bikram studio, so on good days, I'll bike instead of drive. And then there's the swimming, probably the only one of the three that I really, REALLY enjoy. Now at least I've done a race and know what to expect (panic!) in the first few minutes of the swim and I can tweak my form so I turn all the way over to breathe so that I don't swallow so much water.

I'm interested in getting into adventure races, too - like Urban Dare or Muddy Buddy
both of which I would need partners for (hint, hint).

resolving, and such.

So, I've spent a lot of thinking and journaling over the resolutions bit and so far I have themes and some of the specifics worked out...

Health: 1) Quitting sodas cold turkey. A quote from Skinny Bitch said something along the lines of "there is nothing in sodas that is good for you, so quit drinking them." 2) Walking at least 30 minutes every day. 3) Cutting WAAAY back on alcohol. Like, one drink when drinking is happening. I don't tolerate it well, it screws up my sleep, makes me terrifically uncool and makes me fat. No thank you. 4) Vegetarianism is back in full swing but with modifications...less cheese, and a switch over to wheatless stuff. My aunt is a nutritionist and thinks there's a metabolic trend in our family to not process it well. Doesn't hurt to give restraint (and quinoa) a try.

Ha! I've typed God, Jesus, and Spirituality for the next heading and erased them all, because I don't know what to say and I don't want to sound like an idiot. I know that I want to find a church, find some good cozy real community, be more intentional about spending time in prayer, reading the Bible. I know that the faith I had in HS and in college leaned a lot on the beliefs of others, and a lot has happened to shape my views. They're still in the process. Bear with me.

Professionally: 1) Practice piano and guitar every day.

There's more...later.

thank goodness for the new year...

Save for the glittering hope of Jesus on Christmas, the home stretch of December is usually a dark one, and this year so far hasn't failed me in that respect. I have always loved New Year's Eve celebrations, ever since I was a little kid, and even more so when a NYE kiss brought me and Kyle back together. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that my birthday is exactly two weeks from January 1st and I looooove birthdays, especially mine, and also because I love the idea that you can start over, that one can spend those dark, cold days reflecting on a year of blessings, mistakes, laughter, tears, and figure out what can be improved upon.

I am sad when I encounter people who indignantly say, "I made a resolution to never make any more resolutions and it's the only one I've kept!" because I see hope in the new year, in the renewing of promises to yourself, ones that just maybe, this year, will be the year. I love making resolutions and try to do short-term ones throughout the year so as to not get bogged down by unrealistic ones. Last year my resolution was to do a triathlon and to my astonishment actually finished, wasn't the last person across the line, and contracted the "tri-bug" that people talk about and want to do another next year, maybe two. Turning 25 this past year also had a significant impact on me, and I resolved to become more independent. While I think I have come a long way, I know I still have a long way to go, and it's all about the baby steps.

I read somewhere recently that it is far more difficult to not achieve your goals than it is to go out and do them. So if you're scrooging on the resolutions thing, I would encourage you to sit down and be realistic with yourself and find a goal to strive towards. The important thing to do I think is to come up with ideas of things that could get in your way and then problem solve how to get around them so that when the first one comes up you don't give up altogether. There were several times that I skipped workouts but the fact that I had told lots of friends and family that I was doing a triathlon sobered me up and kept me going because I didn't want to be that girl, the one who said a lot but never actually did anything.

And hey, maybe if you come up with something and you have a blog, you could post your goal and we could all support each other in our endeavors. I still have to narrow mine down, so I'll be posting January 1st. Anyone with me?

Silent Night

I can never, ever get through Silent Night without crying. 

Never.

Not since the Lonliest Christmas Ever - my boyfriend and I had broken up finally, my dad and I weren't speaking, and my mom and I were alone at a candlelight Christmas service in San Antonio. Actually, we were at Max Lucado's church, and wow can that man tell a story (but you already knew that). I have always loved candlelight services for a couple different reasons. Mostly, I love candles. I have a swirly candle holder thing that K and I got for our wedding that is tedious as crap to light but when people are coming over in the evening I light 'em up (and every other candle in the house) because I love candles.  In the church services, I love the way that the light spreads through the congregation as people light each other's candles, how it reminds me of the need for community in faith because my little light is okay by itself but check out what it can do when all these other people also have light.

Anyway, I don't remember how we ended up at Oak Hills Church, but when it came to the part where we sing Silent Night and everyone holds up there candles, I remember thinking, "God, I'm trying really hard to be grateful but how can I when this is all that is left of my family?" And I heard Him very quietly say, "Look around.  This is your family," and instead of staring sorrowfully at my solo candle, I looked around at the multitude of lights, the illuminated faces of the Church and was immediately overwhelmed by love, which of course brought the Ugly Cry on full force.

So, whenever we sing that song, tears come to my eyes because it reminds me of how far my family HAS come, and quite literally puts me on my knees in gratitude for Kyle, for my crazy family, for my friends who have always been like family. 

Little Village

This is too much cuteness not to post: Make Your Own Village

Stand By Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6fT1acr0u0

Chess.

The holidays for my family is always like playing this big complicated board game that Kyle would easily win and I would hate.  I like games like Scrabble, where the fun is in the playing, not in destroying your opponent. 

This holiday we were going to go to Mexico because of a misunderstanding between my mother and I (I apparently led folks to believe that I wanted to have Christmas love-in with my dad/stepmother and my mom *I know, wtf* when instead I was hypothesizing that the two parties would have to figure something out when Kyle and I decide to have kids and stay put for a holiday) and a drunk "Hey let's go to Mexico!" on a Jason Mraz tour bus. Unfortunately, last minute trips are kind of expensive, but not too expensive that we couldn't do it, so we made some sacrifices, pushed back some things we wanted to get for the house, and decided to go for it. Except, when traveling on the holidays, hotels like for you to stay for at least 5 nights.  Well, we were going for 4. BUT my cousin would be going for a week so maybe we could get a suite.  Maybe we could all stay together. That wasn't going to work either. It wasn't for lack of trying, but we just couldn't all find something we could agree on. 

SO. For the holidays. K and I will be in the NB/SA area, probably taking my grandmother out for dinner because she doesn't want us to have to cook. Fine with me. We'll also be hanging out with my dad and stepmom, and probably renting a U-Haul of sorts to get a piano, cedar chest with our china and other goodies from around San Antonio (my sister's dad is moving and left us with some sweet art-deco-ey chairs.  I haven't seen 'em yet but he's an architect and has fantastic taste so it's not like I'm going to say no) for our house.

All this has made me think about what are the traditions from my childhood that I hold very dearly to that I will defend for my whole life? Well, I know some people don't like it but my abuela's mac and cheese is unmatched by anyone in the universe, so having that is ideal, but I don't know that I'm going to get it this year unless I make it. Then there's the opening of one present if we happen to make it to midnight on Christmas Eve (tequila shot optional). The one thing that I feel very, VERY strongly about is that I will find some tamales and coffee so we can have them on Christmas morning. No matter what we had going on that year, I would wake up to presents from Santa under the tree as the smell of tamales baking and fresh coffee brewing mingled with Christmas magic and lights. I didn't yet have the taste for coffee, but I distinctly remember all the adults watching me open presents, eating tamales, then everyone crowding around and opening presents together.

There are other visions and smells from the holidays that I will never get back - my grandfathers sitting on the couch watching football, my mom and dad cooking together, making bread in the big white breadmaker, my dad's huge hands spreading mayo on the turkey as I peered over the counter from my tiptoes, everyone sitting around the big table in the dining room. Garrison Keillor during a Prairie Home Companion last year talked about how no matter how rebellious the kids are, the holiday traditions are what keep them grounded because by golly if the green beans aren't done with the same amount of crunch they have always had, these kids with the dark eyeliner, black hair and angsty aura will birth a chicken.

I think I am still in the process of mourning those and the loss of those, and I think which is why I hang on so crazily to the tamales and coffee.  In fact, when my mom came to St. Louis a couple years back she brought a ton of tamales and we had them every morning leading up to and on Christmas day. It is so awesome to wake up in the morning to a cozy house in the early morning hours to the smell of tamales and coffee.  Thankfully, when my sister started hosting Christmases at her house, she brought the tradition back at a time when I could participate as an adult, so it's also one of those rite of passages thing, like when we were playing Santa for Katrina and taking the bites out of the cookies...it was surreal to be on the other side of the magic. 

I forgot to add this earlier but, it would probably also explain why I would jump up and down, giggle, and clap at odd intervals while Kyle was putting lights up on the house, why I didn't mind wrestling with the prickly bushes to get the multicolored net lights on them, why I didn't complain about putting up all the ornaments on the tree (Kyle was smart and did the lights for me...doesn't matter how nostalgic I am, I still hate that dang part). He would look at me like I was a crazy person and I would yell, "SHUT UP!  THIS IS PROGRESS!"  Progress in the same way that I was a complete Scrooge and all anxious about spending our first Christmas in St. Louis...something that started melting when all the aunts came outside and sang us "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" when we pulled into the drive.

What holiday stuff is important to you?  Do you think about the holidays differently now that you're an adult?

Florecitos Bonitos

Oh, I get it!  Florets! Maybe this explains why broccoli is considered a superfood!  This stuff is alive!  I know I should harvest it but I'm really tempted to let this one go and harvest the one next to it.

Goodbye

To quote Madonna: "There is only so much you can learn in one place." 

What I got at my internship site was far more than I bargained for.  At my goodbye lunch, I was asked what my most memorable moment on the units were.  I was overwhelmed - I'm no good at on-the-spot answers - so I said that my experience felt like someone had opened my head, barfed in my brain, and shook it all around. At my last session, though, I had a really touching moment. We took the karaoke machine over with the girls and everyone sang a song. The last song we did was "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World.  It's a well-known song but here are the lyrics:

Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head you feel left out or looked own

Just try your best, try everything you can

And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride,

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, you know they're all the same,

You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.

Live right now, yeah, just be yourself,

It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride,

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

---------------

It's totally my power song - I sing it when I'm riding my bike, running, or in the car in tears when I've had a really hard day. I was jumping around with the girls, singing the song and the words really sank in, and of course I started tearing up.  The unit staff had brought me cupcakes, so when the singing was through we enjoyed those, talked about everyone's plans for the holidays, what I'd be doing now that I was done with internship.  When the girls were walking away toward their unit, they started singing the chorus again...and that's when the tears flowed. I tried my best not to ugly cry, but didn't do much of a good job.

I can feel that there are a lot of things about me that are different since starting that adventure six months ago.  I am far more independent - actually, I've been trying to figure out if and how to protect my "me" time during the weekend...It's 8:05 on Monday morning and I'm realizing I'm going to get a LOT of "me" time during the week.  a LOT. Clinically, I know that I am far more patient and that I have a ton more confidence in group leading.  I know how to take care of myself mentally, know when I've poured too much of myself out to be good for my patients.  I'm more professional, and I have developed strong personal and professional boundaries.  

But I have to say, I am really going to miss my coworkers - they are some of the most talented therapists I know.

So, now the big question that I've heard a million times over the last few weeks: "What's next for you?"  Well, there's not a simple answer to that question.  I need to finish my thesis (and that can be broken down into about a hundred million steps in itself), study, take a practice certification exam,  study some more, take my certification exam (hopefully only once), graduate, look for a job.  My goal for today is actually to sit down and map out a timeline for all that that I will stick to.  And that's just the professional stuff. In the mean time, I have Christmas presents to make, a guest bathroom to finish, baby gifts to work on for friends, a garden that calls to me every day, a wreck for an office that is (after this weekend) THANKFULLY on its way to being somewhat organized, and family and friends to see.  

Balance.  That's why I'm spending time with Jesus this morning and doing yoga later.  I need some inner balance, perspective.

So farewell, Austin - it's been real. Don't be offended when I say I was ready to leave you and go back to Dallas, 'cos let's face it, Dallas doesn't have any idea how to be as cool as you.  You are in a lot of ways home to me because my friends are still there with you, and family is a short way away and you know that a part of my heart is still there on the Lady Bird trail, on First Thursdays at HomeSlice, the local farm operated restaurants, the farmer's market, and biking on Shoal Creek.  I think this time I've spent with you has been a good growing experience for me, different than the time before when I was all wild and in college and couldn't appreciate you Austin for the city-beyond-the-university that you are.  It's time to take all you've taught me and influence the heart and mind of Dallas.  See you soon, Austin.  Love you.

Many thanks to Mom, Dad, Karen, Matt, Natalie, Carlos, Morrises, Robert, The Great Kate, Ev, Collin, Clay, Drew, Russ, Justin, Ed, Ian, Sarah, McGuires, Jettes, for consistently being there for me and being an incredible, unfailing support system for me. Props out to my bloggy friends as well for cheering me on from afar :)

Feliz Navidad

You have no idea what a trip to Mexico in 3 weeks does to my workout motivation.

The short version of the story is...

I think we're going to Mexico for Christmas. Not a long vacation, just 4 days. The longer version of the story is not particularly fun, but there are worse things than spending a holiday sipping margaritas on the beach...

A Thanksgiving Miracle

Monday in St. Louis, I took my dog on a walk with my iPod clipped to my sweatshirt and my phone. I took out my earbuds to talk to my sister and when I hung up the phone, I looked down and my little red iPod shuffle was gone. GONE. I had already been walking an hour and had to call Kyle to help me look and we didn't find it that day. In fact, I walked the dog on the same route Tuesday and Wednesday, and didn't find it. Part of the reason was because in St. Louis they have this thing called fall where all the leaves fall off the trees - the RED leaves which are the same colour as my RED iPod.

Thursday morning, though, I got a phone call - a girl named Lisa up the street had found my iPod. Good thing I had my name and phone number engraved on the back :)

Holidays...

...are a little different this year - this year we have a house, and today we're going to go on the hunt for Christmas lights to adorn our roofline and bushes. We're going to try out a living Christmas tree - not just live, but one you can plant after Christmas. I am usually daunted by the fact that we've got so much work to do on our house, but I am far more excited that this is the beginning of many years of holiday decorations, filling the house with candlelight and family and friends :)

We are finally back from a relaxing 2 weeks in St. Louis. My presentation with Bill at the American Music Therapy Association national conference went really, really well - I love conference, I needed to be filled back up with the company of over 1,200 music therapists from around the country and to refocus, rediscover the different facets of my passion. I also got a bit of a job to keep me going in this time between taking my certification exam and finding a solid job.

I've got to go back to Austin tomorrow (yay traffic!) and will be there for my last week at work, which means closing things up with the adolescent girls I've been working with, my last First Thursday on South Congress, and saying see you later to the wonderful friends who have supported me as these last 6 months flew by. I still can't believe I'm done with my internship. Now all I have to do is finish my thesis and I'll be graduating in May. The light at the end of the tunnel just keeps getting brighter :)

St. Louis is for lovers...of life

Greetings from St. Louis!  We've been here for the last few days - weddings and family galore :) 

I've been reading a lot of the newspaper, which is quite different from newspaper in Austin, Texas.  If you remember, Missouri was a much debated state that is made up of a lot of white Catholics.  I read one article about how Catholics were either being denied or asked to seriously consider taking communion if they voted for Obama, lest they rain damnation upon their head. It of course had a lot to do with the abortion issue.  What's maddening is another article I read (different news source) about how certain pro life groups are unwilling to compromise on the abstinence sex education issue.  So, the hope is that we'll lower the abortion rates not by educating youngsters about safer sex practices but by closing our eyes, spinning around 3 times and hoping that their moral compass will point them in the right direction?  Maddening. 

The other article I read was from the AP about how hate crimes have risen since election day.  This in particular makes me angry.  Has our nation really returned to a time when burning crosses and randomly assaulting black people is an acceptable outlet for anger?  It's appalling.

I prayed a lot this morning for the new president and his family - they're going to need it.  

Other than the newspaper I've started on The Audacity of Hope, which I recommend to those of you who didn't vote for him, and those who did.  I don't want to be one of those who thinks the new president poops rainbows and butterflies, and want to understand him more.  People say that he's underqualified for the presidency due to lack of experience but this is a man who studied and taught constitutional law for 10 years at Columbia University and from what I've read so far is trying to hash out how our government has gotten in the mess it is currently in and really has a passion to try and fix things.

The other reason the book is really good is that it makes me want to go back and study all the government that I didn't pay attention to in high school.  There's a LOT of history in the book and a lot of things one doesn't consider, especially the struggles of African Americans and what legislation has and hasn't done for them in the past.

As for me, I think though I lean liberal, I'm at the point that I'm tired of the bi-partisanism that rules this country and hope that with this presidency everyone can get more involved. I guess that makes me an independent.  Constitutionalist.  Whatever.

Kings of Leon

So, maybe I'm a little late to the game, seeing as the album Only By The Night was released September 23rd earlier this year.  I'd heard of the band, Kyle totally loves them, and as I love to hate bands he likes, hated them.  I can't really put a finger on why, maybe it was butted up too close to the latest dark and twisty Modest Mouse (yes his taste in music is excruciatingly cool. love that about him. and by love i mean hate.) but after watching Gossip Girl last night, my window into everything cool and fashionable, I made a date with myself at Waterloo Records for lunch the next day.  

Aaaaand I pretty much haven't stopped listening to the album ever since.  "Sex on Fire" is crazy catchy, hot, and I also really like the next track "Use Somebody" as well.  What I like most about the band is that they've got this simmering energy that reaches its climax only when the song is really ready to.  Plus, what's not to like?  They're a bunch of cute dudes making great music.

running away again

so I've got that renewed omg-must-work-out thing going right now - walked yesterday about a mile and a half before my stomach kept me from going farther (further detox from the weekend - blecch) and then today I went 5 miles - walked 1 mile, then ran 100 meters walked 300 for 4 laps, ran 200 meters walked 200 for 4, ran 100 walked 300 for 4, and walked 4 laps. So I guess I ran a mile and walked 4. Might do the same tomorrow, depends on how I feel.

mmm veggies

After overindulging in lots of meat and alcohol this weekend, I decided to cook every vegetable in the house last night - pasta with artichokes, spinach, garlic, squash, with a side of brussel sprouts and a salad with avocado to boot. nom nom nom.

Wurstenfesten

I'd like to introduce you to the sunshines of my life. On the left we have Connor and the right is Katrina. They are a year apart, which is interesting because their mothers are also a year apart. The other interesting thing is that though I am related to both of them, they are not related to each other :)

I've tried over and over to figure out the best way to relay the story of the weekend but without some background knowledge and perhaps a flow chart, you're not going to get it. My dad Rick and his girlfriend Regina gave their daughter Debbie up for adoption I think when my dad was 18. He married a woman named Lauri later and had another girl named Michelle, then divorced, then married my mom, Nora, and had me. Debbie has three kids - Taylor, Parker, and Connor, and Michelle is getting married this New Year. On mom's side, before she married my dad, she was married and had 2 kids, Jodi and Paul.  Jodi is married and has one daughter - Katrina. Okay. So. Now we can go on, quick, before I have to explain my cousins-who-are-really-like-my-siblings-because-their-moms-died.

This weekend, Debbie brought her kids, including the cuteness above and the two dudes below. I was so nervous driving in for dinner on Friday night because it had been YEARS since I'd met my neice and nephews and an internal debate raged all of Friday - do I stop at Toy Joy and get them all presents? What the heck is the right thing to do here?
I ended up just driving to NB and the night pretty much ended up being a huge reacquaintance with me and my sister, and running around playing music and being crazy with my neices and nephews.

The next day we all went to Wurstfest during the day after watching UT play Baylor. In the mean time, my sister's step sister (Jodi's dad's third wive's daughter) and husband came into town, so at the table in the Biergarten we were this huge, crazy mess of family.

I would say that I don't know how other families handle this sort of spaghetti of family, but actually I do.  From what I know, a lot of people who have messes of steps and halves and such don't really get on that well.

We all joke about putting the "funk" in dysfunctional but really, I love love LOVE my family.  

As my half sister's step sister put it this weekend, after going through hard times herself she could see how these kinds of things happen...that our parents all did things out of love and created this huge tangle of a generation that decided to throw out conventional wisdom, erase the boundary lines and love each other regardless of what our parents did.  For example, Kat ended up staying with Connor Saturday night, something my sister was way conflicted about due to the nature of the strained relationship between my mom and dad. But you know what?  Everyone was cool with it, and best of all we didn't need to explain the whole nasty story in a language 6 and 7 year olds would understand because really, they would just understand that they couldn't see their new friends and their parents/aunts/uncles wouldn't tell them why. Anyway, it was a really amazing weekend, one that I am still very much processing.  I'm looking forward to a renewed relationship with my sister and us all growing closer through the years.

In other news, my sometimes-intimidating-because-he's-so-dang-awesome supervisor called me "intern extraordinnaire" today.  

Point Christina. 

And PS hanging around Debbie's kids totally solidified my desire to have three kids. It was chaos, man.  I loved every minute of it.

Huh? What just happened?

Well here it is folks, the beginning of the end. This next week I've got 4 days of work, then I'm off to St. Louis for two weeks, then back to Austin for tying up of loose ends and such. I am so ready to be done with this limbo thing and back in Dallas and into real life, whatever that will bring.

The Accidental Chicken Farmer

On Wednesday night, The Great Kate and I went to Cipollina to experience their Farm-to-Table dining. They do these every first Wednesday of the month and feature local Austin farmers who supply the restaurant with organic, local ingredients. The three course meal is $35 that can be accompanied by a wine pairing - $7 for white and $7.50 for red. We were dubious but still hopeful when we read the first item on the menu: Chicken Liver Mousse. I've tried foie gras once when I was in France and totally hated it, so I hoped that this chicken liver stuff wasn't going to be totally gross. Also, if you've done any research on how they treat ducks that are farmed for foie gras, it's positively disgusting - they cut off their beaks and feet and feed them so their liver will be huge. It's inhumane. Therefore, Kyle's morally opposed to it and I just simply won't touch it 'cos it tasted gross in the land that's famous for it.

We grabbed a cozy table in the corner and sipped our wine while anxiously awaiting the first course. The presentation was beautiful - a disc of mousse topped shredded greens with a basalmic vinagrette and garnished with two pieces of rosemary bread. As a bonus, the farmer came out and spoke with us about what from his farm we'd be eating. The mousse, in a word, was fantastic.

I suppose at this point you're thinking, "Wait a minute, isn't she a vegetarian?" I should explain that it's not that I don't like meat...anyone who's ever been around me when I'm in the vicinity of sausage pizza knows better. What concerns me is the practices that surround the industrialized meat industry that involves not only horrendous acts done to the food we eat but also the food that our food eats that is laden with hormones and antibiotics. In fact, when I stopped eating meat altogether at the beginning of this year, my cramps actually went away. I've always said that when I can trust the source of my meat, I will go back to eating it. However, I definitely will eat meat not as the centerpiece of my meals but in small quantities because my stomach just cannot take it.

The second course was absolutely to die for - we had pasta imported from Italy with local roasted chicken, sided with a fried poached egg and some more of the rosemary bread. The portion was just right, the chicken cooked perfectly, and the mystery of the poached egg...well, it was like eating an egg overeasy on your breakfast. Heavenly. The wine pairing (I had the red) also went beautifully with the meal. Topping everything off was the most exquisite creme brulee I have ever eaten. It was spiced with vanilla and cloves and I would have licked the bowl if we weren't in a classy joint. The atmosphere of Cipollina truly reminded me of real Italian bistros in a refreshing way.

After dinner, we spotted the farmer and went over to thank him for our meal. The Great Kate, being a journalist and all, asked how he got into farming chickens and it turns out that he and his wife were moving to Austin, and his brother in law was on a plane going to Austin and happened to chat up a guy who was selling 11 acres of a chicken farm in South Austin. He says that he came by it quite accidentally - he'd never touched a chicken in his life but now oversees every bit of the processing, from hatching to delivering them to local restaurants. I was pretty sure we were the first customers to ask him this question because his face lit up like a Christmas elf as he spoke of his 1500 chickens and how he's getting ready to buy lambs and pigs for the cooler months.

It was an awesome experience and if you're ever in Austin on the first Wednesday of the month, I recommend going to Cipollina and checking out the local fare. I also learned that there are many other restaurants in Austin that also serve locally grown/raised food, like Vespaio. It may be pricier, but think of the good things you're doing for your body.

way excited for America

I don't really care who you voted for, this is a huge moment for America and a huge moment in our lives - something we'll tell our kids about.

quotables

Working at a mental institution has it's hilarious points:

Me: "Are you involved with something called MHMR? Does that sound familiar to you?"
Kid: "No. What does MHMR stand for?"
Me: "Mental Health/Mental Retardation."
Kid: "I'M NOT RETARDED!!!"

Lady (while charging up to me): "I've just wet my pants!"
Me: "M'am, it looks like you should change your pants."
Lady: "No I won't! I'm PROUD of my pee pee!"

*gasp!*

I just found out that my cousin & Jason Mraz will be in St. Louis on November 23rd.

I WILL ALSO be in St. Louis November 23rd. That is in fact the evening of the morning I am presenting at the AMTA conference. I kind of want to go to the show again - is that weird?

spread too thin, again.

I know, I know - that's like saying, "Dude, did you notice the sky today? It's like, BLUE," or mentioning in passing that the Pope is Catholic. But whatever, I had a really good day. We threw an awesome Halloween festival for the kids, I got my face painted, and I set up a one to one session with a kid. I'm also on a high from the ridiculously cute song I wrote with one of my groups about the Fall and how everything changes (weather, our clothes, time) this time of year and how we take care of ourselves. Maybe I'm finally getting ahold of this dual diagnosis MHMR thing. Then of course the geriatric group right after me bombed. Live learn and mo'betta, as we used to say back when LHB was cool.

Gobbledegook.

Sigh.

I have so much to say that I don't really know where to start. My mind/daily life lately seems to be lots of little blurs of activity. Work is really good - I have three more weeks 'til St. Louis and then the wedding and then the big fancy national music therapy conference where I just found out I'll be presenting to as many as 100 people (depending on if people want to get up early to check out my presentation but seeing as I apparently beat out a bunch of other multicultural MT presentations, I predict that all THOSE GUYS will be at it. At least, I hope so.) (was that too long for a parenthetical statement?)

Kyle keeps asking what I want to do while we're in StL and my thought is that we'll get there, party for the wedding, have a blast in the aftermath with family and friends and then I'll spend 6 solid days freaking out. THEN I can concentrate on things like Thanksgiving and...NOT graduating in December.

Oh yeah, that's a long story. The short of it is that working where I work is um, stressful. I really feel like I've thrown myself wholeheartedly into it and if I've procrastinated on my thesis, it's only because I've been doing things like hanging out with friends, which is a VERY GOOD THING for my sanity. Especially considering where I work. Besides, I can start studying for my orals NOW and get that over with in a timely manner as well as defend my paper (if that LADY will EVER give me my DATA) (or heck, even show up on time I mean, AT ALL, for the appointments we set) and plan a really good graduation/housewarming party. Maybe by then we'll have a new bathroom. K's really ready to be done with the summer camp bathroom we're currently tolerating.

At any rate, my advisor laughed out loud when I told her that I no longer have any pride - just do whatever it takes for me to get this dang paper written, rewritten, defended, whatever. I just want to get it done. When you start out writing a thesis you think it's your THING and then you realize along the way that it's just another flaming hoop (albeit a very small tricksy hoop that keeps changing on you) that you have to jump through. I've even second-guessed my brilliant scheme to write a thesis thinking to myself, "Is it too late to turn this into a professional paper?" (yes) and a good friend recently put it best when she said that she's leaning toward a ppaper because writing a thesis is more for if later you want to get your Ph.D. in which case you'd have to write an equivalent somewhere along the way and who's to say first off that she even WANTS to get her Ph.D. and second, if that happens it'll be pretty far down the line and how can she make a decision now on something she may not want down the line? As for me, I know that I want to be a professor, know that I want to get my Ph.D., know that it's going to be loads of work especially if I want to start up the ol' baby maker in the next 5 years.

Wow - getting that all out of my head was really therapeutic.

Speaking of therapeutic, the Jason Mraz show in Dallas was AMAAAAAAAZING and not just because our sweet tickets were 13th row. When I get the rest of my brain cells together, I'll write about it because it was probably one of the better shows I've been to.

Also, leaving this place is going to be really hard for me in a couple weeks - I've come to really love and enjoy my coworkers and it's going to be tough to leave them.

No promises that I'll write any time soon because I have to make boxes and peel grapes for the Fall Carnival on Wednesday and then it's back to Dallas on Friday!

Advice

So, Etsy friend(s): I'm thinking about selling my stuff on Etsy. How do I get started, what are the good/bad points of it, and how do you deal with payment/shipping/etc.

I also need a good name for my store if anyone has suggestions...

Heck. NOW what?

There is a very serious potential buyer with his eye on the house I am currently staying at. The question is, if it sells, what the heck am I going to do for the next 4 weeks?

My first inclination is PRAY. Not for the house not to be sold (of course) but because I really really have no idea what I'm going to do. This would of course happen the very day after I write how warm and fuzzy and comfy I am here.

breathe in, breathe out, wash, rinse, repeat

The thesis saga continues, unfortunately. I had asked the Administrator in charge at the school I did my work at if I could use the scores from a standardized test. Now, the test is comprised of several subtests, and if you were an Administrator, would you let your eager music therapy student know that not all of the subtests would be given? I hope if you're ever an Administrator, that you would, because they of course use tests A and B, while my prospectus was approved for the use of tests B and F.

This is of course along the same lines of me asking when the test is given and leaning on "at the end of the year" when in fact that meant APRIL. This thesis writing thing really is becoming a large test of my patience and perseverance. I am always ALWAYS learning that. If you're ever bored one day and think to yourself, "Hey Self, I wonder what God's teaching Christina today...humm...." It's PATIENCE. I guaran-freaking-tee you.

In other news, thanks to The Great Kate I am reading for pleasure again and it gives my brains a special kind of tingly feeling. I do believe that reading makes one smarter and find it freaky when people tell me they don't like to read. That's like, not liking babies or puppies. I also took myself on an impromptu date to JoAnn's fabrics which was probably a bad thing if you're asking the Hubs, but not if you're talking to my creativity. Between the reading and the crocheting and the Christmas-present-jewelry-making, I finally feel....rested here for the first time after moving up to Round Rock.

Other good things that are going on: My mom is finally out of the hospital - thanks for all the thoughts and prayers and wishes. Another good thing: Colt McCoy is looking like Heisman material. I think he deserves it more than Vince Young did because this year the whole team looks tight, amazing, like a machine that will not be stopped.

Oh and did I mention I got the sweet hook up for the Jason Mraz show this Thursday in Dallas? My family rocks my world.

not funny ha-ha

After a taxing 24 hours and a 45-minute chat with my dear Maria about internships, I got this in my fortune cookie:

:I am always doing that which I cannot do in order to learn how to do it:

I think I am going to frame that in with a picture of my coworkers when I leave. Which is by the way in like 5 weeks. Time really does fly.

Walking and Running

In other news, here's my playlist for tonight in order:

Margarita Stand - Bob Schneider 2:22
Friends In Low Places - Garth Brooks 4:20
*I'm Yours - Jason Mraz 4:03
The Heart of Life - John Mayer 3:18
Can't Stop - Ozomatli 2:56
**So What - P!nk 3:34
Snow (Hey Oh) - RHCP 5:35
Bombananza - The Scabs 4:36
No Baby Swings Like Mine - South Austin Jug Band 2:38
Hideaway - The Weepies 2:49
Wonderful Rainbow - Israel Kamikolawe (or whatever) 4:53
Sunrise - Norah Jones 3:21
Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright 4:09

Total Time: 48.4 minutes

* denotes song that I ran to. In hindsight I don't know that I'd pick a four-minute song right off the bat, maybe something shorter. Oh well, next week.

** denotes song that you can really get your powerful woman strut on to.

Cancer Sucks.

Today I was reminded of why I started this whole crazy idea of triathlons in the first place.

My beautiful and driven roommate in college Sarah started UT's Colleges Against Cancer in affiliation with the American Cancer Society and for some insane reason implored scatterbrained, flaky, undergrad me to head up her entertainment chair. I think I was supposed to delegate but not sure I did, but anyway, one of the first meetings, Sarah asked all the chair people why we were involved in CAC. I of course was running late and didn't know I'd be saying anything at the meeting, so I just started talking about the people I knew who had dealt with cancer - my paternal grandmother had just passed away from lung and colon cancer, my maternal step-grandfather died from pancreatic cancer when I was in high school, my dad and paternal grandfather both had bouts with skin cancer, my friends Chris and Joanna were diagnosed the same summer and then my dear Kelli had a scare as well later, and most importantly my mom, who was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when I was born and because of treatment wasn't able to breastfeed me.

Just this summer I've had two dear friends and mentors diagnosed with some form of cancer, as well as a scare in Kyle's family. A friend at work is having abnormal tests show up and is waiting on the results and earlier this week one of my newest, dearest friends just informed me that she's going in for surgery before the end of October.

People, to be honest this stuff scares the shit out of me. There are no more words at the moment.

Still A Very Good Day :)

I had planned to go walk/run today but am going to postpone it to tomorrow - I instead went on a crazy goose chase for a pottery painting place with my dear Kate and we FINALLY ended up at one, after TWO were found to be closed and we drove to a place that was pretty much a professional clay-throwing type place. So, instead of running, I painted, had some (more) fabulous chili leftover from today's birthday potluck at work and had a beer. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will run.

At the moment I am actually walking a lot more than I am running and that's because I'm starting to train WAY ahead for an olympic triathlon next year. As in, next summer. The plan is to train for the olympic and DO the Danskin (a sprint) and to start on the whole running workout thing REALLY early so as to build up strength and lose some weight along the way (which helps with everything). I don't really like the run 1 minute, walk 1 minute plans that only go for 30 minutes that I've found. Since I am so ridiculously motivated by music, my goal was to walk for one hour x3 last week, which I did (woohoo!) and then this week, run one song (I'm Yours by Jason Mraz) and then walk the rest of the hour, and add an extra day of walking. It doesn't matter when I do these things, as long as the run/walks are 3x a week. Walking is supposed to be a good, restorative exercise so it'll be good to intersperse my progressively longer runs with walks. So yay, triathaloning again. It really does help to think of even these little walking excursions as "training for a triathlon" because it makes me stick with it more.

I also had a really amazing day at work that was fueled by some serious motivation that has been lacking in my thesis work and in my group-preparation-creativity. I love my job, love that I get to go to work every day and make music and change people's lives.

Shout Out

For some reason my blog links won't post this link correctly - it's my cousin/sister's (long story) gardening blog through Domino Magazine. Check it out - her writing is fantastic and hilarious and you just might learn something.

Scary Stuff

Terrorist?

Washington Post

Rolling Stone Article

Irritated.

On NPR this morning they were talking about Liberty University, a fundamentalist Baptist university in Virginia. The issue is that they're trying to keep Virginia a Republican state and therefore are working really hard to get all 10,000 students to vote because 80-90% of them are Republican and while they cannot say "vote for McCain" they can say that it's important to vote, cancel class, and hold a results viewing party. Two soundbites that stuck out to me the most were these:

Interviewer to an Obama supporter: "So when they find out you support Obama, what is the first question they ask?"
Obama supporter: "Well the first thing they ask is if I'm a Christian."

Second was a girl talking about how McCain has lived his whole life in sacrifice and under Christian values and that's something that all Christians should consider when voting. (Um, you'd think she'd be voting for the man who's stayed faithful to his wife and family his whole life and NOT a man who cheated on his wife and then left her after she was disfigured in a car wreck.)

Pretty sure I'm not normal.

I really think I have some sort of social anxiety. It's not that I so much care about what other people think about me, it's that I know I'm going to say something weird or silly (by whose standards? maybe I do care?) and then It will show up...It being that Awkward Pause. I am not It's biggest fan. Sometimes I wish that I had some sort of excuse or could have a few minutes to explain the awkwardness, but I don't ever get it. I don't always ever get myself so how can I expect someone else to? I usually just walk away and try to laugh about it. I wish I could be tactful and suave and awesome but no, I'm just that girl laughing at inappropriate moments because I'm really, really nervous.

In other news, we saw Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist and it was way warm and fuzzy-ness inducing. Loved it. Also, we went to IKEA and found an overhead light for the entryway and I'm seriously going to throw a party because this is the culmination of spending MONTHS looking for one. We also got some fabric to make into a shower curtain for the guest bath, which will be worked on next weekend and pics posted accordingly :)

Falling for Fall

After much debate with myself, I've decided that Fall wins for my favorite season. here's 15 reasons why:

1. Football
2. Chili weather
3. Sweaters!
4. Camping
5. Oktoberfest brews
6. Wurstfest!!!
7. Fun new veggies and flowers in the garden
8. Trading in the quilts for the duvets
9. Leaving the windows open at night
10. Beautiful, lush colors in fashion like greens and berries and orangey reds
11. My insatiable need to knit and/or crochet
12. All things pumpkin: pumpkin infused vodka, pumpkin patches, pumpkin carving, pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks, homemade pumpkin swirl cheesecake!
13. The dressing up, decorating and the excitement around Halloween :)
14. Days when it is both sunny and cool.
15. Because fall leads to winter and winter means GRADUATION!

the Drumist

The most challenging patient (pt) I've had so far is one who is really interested in drumming but the last few weeks has not been attending school and therefore has been restricted to the unit. Two weeks ago I moved an entire drum set to the unit and used it as motivation for the pt to go to school. Last week we didn't have a session because the pt again didn't go to school. But Monday the pt went, and I got hopeful, and the pt went yesterday also. AND the pt went today!

Today was the first day the pt got to drum, and it was really incredible. The pt has issues with emotional regulation, so I had the pt play different emotions, like happy, sad, and we finally landed on angry. We talked about the things that induced the pt's anger and then talked about what it felt like when the pt was in control of their emotions, then had the pt play that. THEN, I had the pt start on angry and move to in control. Not surprsingly, we had to do this a couple times, but the pt was really starting to get the hang of it.

This session was a nice reminder of why I do what I do. In this instance I was able to give a pt a place to express their feelings freely, and also talk about where the pt would like to go in the future. I introduced the pt to the concept of DCI and we even did some visualizing of what it would be like for the pt to be the center snare of a drumline, then I had the pt play what that would feel like. The pt had this huge grin on their face and said that it would be "totally badass." I think that this kid could totally be famous one day, and the pt is going to request a drumset from their mom when released. I promised to try and find a music therapist in the pt's area because hopefully the pt can keep this in their life as a positive motivator.

The pt even said that when they get famous, that I get free backstage passes to all the band's shows, which is of course, another reason why I do what I do.