25 Random Things

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note/post with 25 random things, facts, opinions, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 (ha! let's say, 5) people to be tagged. 

1. I just muted The Bachelor so I could think seriously about this.

2. I am at once grateful and terrified that I get to do the things I love most in this world: make music and help people.

3. I have started my own personal journey of a "spiritual renaissance." Newsflash: it's a lot harder to be in the Christian crowd when a) not all your friends go with you to youth group on Wednesday nights and b) some things done by the "Christian" community at large are really, hideously, embarrassing.

4. I wonder sometimes how American society has become this place where we are always judging and psychoanalyzing each other, even in close personal relationships, instead of just letting each other be. 

5. It literally breaks my heart when I hear of friends who make poor choices and then have to deal with those consequences. 

6. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, almost to a "wow - she's crazy." point.

7. I also believe that Quantum Physics explains a lot of spiritual stuff.  See? Crazy.

8. About every other week, the quote "I'm really glad you found music therapy because in undergrad there wasn't really anything you were really...you know...good at..." resonates in my brain. Outcomes are varied and often include self loathing and determination.

9. K and I have started talking about having kids, now that I'm nearly done with the degree and paying off my student loans is looking like it might happen one day.

10. and some days, it scares the crap out of me.

11. and then there are the days like yesterday when Random Kid randomly started yammering to me on the airplane about how he's really excited about going to see his mommy and the plane goed up and downed and do you want to get off the plane now?

12. I think people who talk to kids like they're kids sound ridiculous. How are they supposed to learn to talk and reason verbally? I've gotten the most respect and response from kids when you speak to them as adults.

13. Also, I think that when you expect adult things like saying yes and no m'am and not screaming just because your tv show is getting turned off if you do you're going straight to bed no argument, and eating at the dinner table with the family, you're doing much better by your children than 90% of this country.

14. I am blessed with the most insanely normal group of people to call family for in-laws.

15. I am also blessed with an incredibly eclectic, loving, funny, spiritual, random, mixed-up bag of tricks for a family that I seriously must have done some fabulous things in a past life to end up with.

16. I want to lose at least 30 pounds this year because I refuse to put my body through whatever having a baby and ending up at like 200 pounds would do to it.

17. I know patience is a virtue, but I can make impatience look kind of cute, so often I go with that.

18. I think Dave Matthews is one of the smartest people alive. Who else could come up with such wise sayings as, "tomorrow is no place to place your better days." or get away with the entire lyrics of the album "Crash" ?

19. My mom got debilitatingly sick when I was 9 and let me tell you - growing up that early ain't no picnic, but it certainly made me who I am today, which is, you know, fine, but somedays I wish it would have been different.

20. I only recently started self-identifying as "American." After traveling and living in different countries, I realized that we aren't as great as we say we are. It's getting better though.

21. I learned to crochet when I was a kid so, good luck - it takes a really long time to get good at it, which is probably why knitting pisses me off so much because I have only been doing that for a couple years.

22. It's not so much that I have crappy taste in music but that I have a broad appreciation for music, some of which includes a passion for, say, Kanye West.

23. I would drop everything for the opportunity to be a professional dancer like, in movies or on Broadway shows.

24. I think Kyle is going to be the coolest dad ever.

25. I need to eat a little tiny something sweet after dinner to feel really done with my day. Sometimes it's a piece of fruit, or dark chocolate, or better yet, both of those with a glass of wine.

So here you go - Suzy, Jackie, Kelli (if you haven't already done this), Daina (ha! you already did it!), Lyssa, and Megan

um, okay. weird.

So today, we decided to go skiiing after a morning of hanging out and playing a game, just me, Kyle, and Daniel. The rest of the folks went snow toobing, or, as I like to say, snoobing.

Serendipitously, my best friend Haley is ALSO in Breck, so we decided to go meet her on another mountain, Peak 8. So, we went over there, hung out in the warming hut and came out all pumped to ski and MY SKIS WERE MISSING. RAWR.

We hung out for probably an hour, and I said LOTS of prayers to St. Anthony and God, begged Jesus to work this out. A couple showed up, complaining that someone had also stolen THEIR Rossignol skis, and ended up taking some skis that fit them. Haley went to meet her friend and boyfriend, and ended up taking the gondola down to a happy hour. So, Daniel left, to go meet up with Kyle and about a half hour after THAT, Haley left with her friend Melissa and we were all going to meet up for a happy hour in town.

On the bus to our car, Haley calls me and says, "hey you're not going to believe this but...my friend Melissa has your skis." My name was on the skis. Duh.

Dude. Seriously.

Kyle would also like me to mention that he made it down a green slope his second day on a snowboard and didn't totally eat it. More later - I love vacation!!! Thanks for all the prayers! Altitude sickness has completely subsided, and hey, we found the skis :)

8 Things About Me

I think I was tagged? Before trips I cannot sleep out of anticipation, so...here you go.

8 TV Shows I Watch:
1. True Beauty
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. Ugly Betty
4. Grey's (sometimes)
5. Big Bang Theory
6. How I Met Your Mother
7.
8.

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. Best Thai
2. Dream Cafe
3. Casa de Luz
4. Kenichi
5. Pirhana
6. The Spanish Tapas bar near us I forgot the name
7. Panera (but only in St. Louis, where everyone calls it "Bread Company")
8. Imo's Pizza (speaking of St. Louis)

8 Things That Happened To Me Today:
1. Watched the coolest inauguration ever
2. Ate yummy fajitas
3. Crocheted a hat, then realized it was too big (yes, even for my head)
4. Bought a camera case out in Podunk, Tx
5. Applied for reduced tuition
6. Got into gamelan ensemble without having to sign up in the class, which is rad.
7. Worked on the Shepard Fairey Obama Hope poster cross-stitch
8. Packed for Breck!

8 Things I Look Forward To:
1. 60 day yoga challenge
2. Sunday migas or waffles
3. Cooking with Kyle
4. Planting my Spring/Summer garden
5. Redoing the master bath
6. Toobing in the Summer
7. Danskin Triathlon
8. Seeing family

8 Things I Wish For:
1. My favorite people to live in Dallas
2. Better discipline
3. A clean office
4. Being better at that whole slow to speak quick to listen thing
5. Healthy babies one day (not any time soon don't anyone freak out)
6. A job
7. Better lives for the kids I worked with in Austin and at grief camp
8. My thesis to write itself

Playlist

As per Runner's World magazine, I added some tunes to my iPod that, quite frankly, made my run yesterday awesome:

Where Are We Runnin'? - Lenny Kravitz

Live Your Life - TI & Rihanna

Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi

Faith - George Michael

Faith was toward the beginning of my run and I was cracking up the whole time. It's really hard not to picture George Michael strutting and singing to you while you're getting all hot and sweaty. Toward the end of my run times (15 minutes! w00t!) I have to play songs to motivate me and gosh darn if that crazy therapeutic music doesn't work. First was Live Your Life, which was really, really surprisingly inspiring the last 3 or so minutes when I feel like dying. Oh and of course there's Ozomatli's Can't Stop, which I sometimes play in a loop if I get to the end of the song and have more running to do. The lyrics, "Can't stop now - got to keep moving - we've got faith in what love can do - shake it shake it shake shake it..." just get me going :)

Flipping thrilled :)

So, we're getting a new president in a couple days, which re

minds me of a dream I had recently. I was on a cargo plane with a bunch of people, Will Smith, and the current president. I told my friend Ollie that wow Will Smith was really good looking in person, then I turned to Bush Jr. and said, "So, you glad this thing's going to be over soon?" and he said, "psshshhYEAAAHH" in a relieved sort of way. It cracked me up the next morning. I am really glad Obama won by a landslide, and like I said before, I don't think he poots rainbows and butterflies, and I know there is a crazy huge list of things for him to tackle, but I do know that this is the first time I voted and cared about the candidates, am going to actually watch the inauguration and pay attention to the speech. I am deeply hoping that the cynicism that many McCain voters had will subside because I am tired of the 2 or 3 in my life coming up with really random crap about Obama to get really. ticked. off. about.  Like the Email that my dad sent me AFTER the vote about how Obama doesn't take care of his dad's 3rd or 4th wife's poor kid in Africa. A friend recently likened politics to football games, about how people get so involved in rooting for the team and they have their lifelong commitments to this team or that one and get really, deeply hurt when their team loses. Like Texas/OU weekend, you know? Anyway, I hope that this president will bring people together if for no other reason than he is now your president, my president.

Also, on a less global front, this weekend is over, which means I get my Techie of the Year (no, not kidding) hubs back. Also, stoked because I went to a flea market yesterday and found the cutest little desk :) 

In terms of working out and such, I am coming to realize that with the lack of metabolism my family has so graciously blessed me with, losing weight is HARD freaking WORK. Daily work. I found encouragement in something I was reading about fad diets and research shows that the slower weight takes to get off, the better chance you have it'll stay off. That had better be true.

Pray.

    When I read stories like this it makes me think of how smart God is, using the internets to get people together and everything.

sigh...

Happy Birthday, grandpa Brandon - miss you.

what's with today, today?

bleeeeeeeeegh.

That's how today has been. I woke up sore and exhausted - I've worked out 13 out of the last 16 days this year, and I think this morning my body had totally just had it. So, I cleaned up from the little 26-year bday party and sat around watching tv. You know it's serious when that happens. I found out that I actually kind of like the West Wing, and I caught up on the ABC show True Beauty...seriously, anything executively produced by Ashton Kutcher and/or Tyra Banks, I'll watch it. Those shows are my weakness.

I was bummed because I was supposed to do a run workout today but could NOT for the life of me get the motivation to do it. So, I ate a leftover cupcake and some tasty black bean stir-fry with kale and hopefully will feel better tomorrow. I think it might have something to do with the pizza, sangria, and beer from last night making me feel all icky.

I'm really excited about a few things coming up this week: first, school is starting back up, which means I'll have some accountability for getting my thesis rolling...I finally got bored enough with trying to get the house back together that I printed out some paperwork and lined up almost all my data. Second, we're going to Colorado on Wednesday! It's the first ski trip for K and the first time since my senior year in high school to hit the slopes and I am so thrilled! I LOVE skiing and I'm really glad I learned how to when I was younger because that whole uhhhh-let's-think-about-this-flinging-ourselves-down-a-mountain-thing is pretty much lost on me. I also love hot chocolate and chili when there's SNOW on the ground! And MOUNTAINS! Can you tell I'm excited? Third, and this kind of goes along with #2 but with my Xmas and Bday money I'm going to get a new tiny camera so I can take it on the mountain, and pretty much take it everywhere with me. We have a bulkier camera that I like using for artsy fartsy stuff but I've been craving a slim point-and-shoot to throw in my purse for everyday stuff.

Finally, the yoga studio I frequent has started a work-for-trade program where basically I go with two other people once a week and clean, and then get free unlimited yoga. Considering the sessions are $20 a pop and I am as of yet gainfully unemployed I am beyond thrilled that this is going to work out. Speaking of working out, tomorrow is my run 10 minutes/walk 5 minutes x2 and then next week the run bumps up. The book I'm reading puts the end of the training around the beginning of June, and by then I should technically be ready to run a marathon, which I'm not going to do, but it'll be fantastic cross training endurance-wise for the triathalons.

I realize the post is just a wee bit tangental - I've got a little bit of cabin fever and am just excited about connecting with the outside world.

diet and excercise? what a concept.

Besides eating, sleeping, cooking, and working out, things have been quiet around here because I've been busy busy busy organizing my house.  

The biggest thing I guess is I've been really paying attention to what I eat and how much of it and what I do (good things!) or do not (coffee! sodas! excess sweets!) put in my body and you know what? I saw 170lbs this morning, which is exciting because I was at 175 on the 1st. It's probably all water weight but my goal is to be comfortably and consistently under 170 by the end of the month. Also, I went for my 5 min jog/5 min walk x3 yesterday (for 30 minutes) and I felt AWESOME. My legs felt really really good and strong. I'll be a runner...one day...

Ha!

Resolution update: I have not touched my beloved guitar, piano OR mandolin yet this year, mostly because since getting back from New Year travels, I've been organizing the house and getting it together like crazy. Our living room has been cleaned and de-Christmasified, and the kitchen is on its way to actually working. Much thanks to mom and grandma who for Christmas not only gave me and K our very own china (from my mom's marriage to my dad) but places to store them.

keeping up with the stockses

I forgot to post this in my last entry, but I post my workouts at a place called Daily Mile, which is a sort of social networking/workout log site where people can meet others who are biking/running/swimming in their area and may be doing the same races. So, if you're wanting to join up in this crazy triathlon adventure (ahem, Kelli) then have a look at DM.

Resolution update: I've been drinking only water (except for the occasional glass of wine and a cranberry mimosa yesterday yummm) and walked my 30 minutes almost every day except Saturday...it was a travel day from Arkansas and I made up for it by walking 45 minutes yesterday.  Thinking about joining the YMCA because they have a pool.

first two days of triathlon training :)

I have to admit that doing the Danskin (.75k (1/2 mile) swim, 20k (12 miles) bike, 5k (3.1 miles) run) last year was ridiculously empowering and made me want more. The Great Kate and I did that one, and she went on to do another sprint distance in August (the Austin tri? I don't remember the name...) and started throwing around the idea of an olympic (1 mile swim, 25 mile bike, 6.2 mile run) this year. The thought makes me kind of nauseous. At any rate, I got to thinking that if an olympic is on the map, then I could train for the olympic tri and do the Danskin as kind of a warmup.

So, I've started walking, and am giving myself 6 months to really focus on running. In terms of the bike, friends of ours just moved out into the boonies so there are lots of good biking roads near their house to take advantage of. I also live a mile from Whole Foods and 3 miles from Sprouts and a bikram studio, so on good days, I'll bike instead of drive. And then there's the swimming, probably the only one of the three that I really, REALLY enjoy. Now at least I've done a race and know what to expect (panic!) in the first few minutes of the swim and I can tweak my form so I turn all the way over to breathe so that I don't swallow so much water.

I'm interested in getting into adventure races, too - like Urban Dare or Muddy Buddy
both of which I would need partners for (hint, hint).

resolving, and such.

So, I've spent a lot of thinking and journaling over the resolutions bit and so far I have themes and some of the specifics worked out...

Health: 1) Quitting sodas cold turkey. A quote from Skinny Bitch said something along the lines of "there is nothing in sodas that is good for you, so quit drinking them." 2) Walking at least 30 minutes every day. 3) Cutting WAAAY back on alcohol. Like, one drink when drinking is happening. I don't tolerate it well, it screws up my sleep, makes me terrifically uncool and makes me fat. No thank you. 4) Vegetarianism is back in full swing but with modifications...less cheese, and a switch over to wheatless stuff. My aunt is a nutritionist and thinks there's a metabolic trend in our family to not process it well. Doesn't hurt to give restraint (and quinoa) a try.

Ha! I've typed God, Jesus, and Spirituality for the next heading and erased them all, because I don't know what to say and I don't want to sound like an idiot. I know that I want to find a church, find some good cozy real community, be more intentional about spending time in prayer, reading the Bible. I know that the faith I had in HS and in college leaned a lot on the beliefs of others, and a lot has happened to shape my views. They're still in the process. Bear with me.

Professionally: 1) Practice piano and guitar every day.

There's more...later.

thank goodness for the new year...

Save for the glittering hope of Jesus on Christmas, the home stretch of December is usually a dark one, and this year so far hasn't failed me in that respect. I have always loved New Year's Eve celebrations, ever since I was a little kid, and even more so when a NYE kiss brought me and Kyle back together. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that my birthday is exactly two weeks from January 1st and I looooove birthdays, especially mine, and also because I love the idea that you can start over, that one can spend those dark, cold days reflecting on a year of blessings, mistakes, laughter, tears, and figure out what can be improved upon.

I am sad when I encounter people who indignantly say, "I made a resolution to never make any more resolutions and it's the only one I've kept!" because I see hope in the new year, in the renewing of promises to yourself, ones that just maybe, this year, will be the year. I love making resolutions and try to do short-term ones throughout the year so as to not get bogged down by unrealistic ones. Last year my resolution was to do a triathlon and to my astonishment actually finished, wasn't the last person across the line, and contracted the "tri-bug" that people talk about and want to do another next year, maybe two. Turning 25 this past year also had a significant impact on me, and I resolved to become more independent. While I think I have come a long way, I know I still have a long way to go, and it's all about the baby steps.

I read somewhere recently that it is far more difficult to not achieve your goals than it is to go out and do them. So if you're scrooging on the resolutions thing, I would encourage you to sit down and be realistic with yourself and find a goal to strive towards. The important thing to do I think is to come up with ideas of things that could get in your way and then problem solve how to get around them so that when the first one comes up you don't give up altogether. There were several times that I skipped workouts but the fact that I had told lots of friends and family that I was doing a triathlon sobered me up and kept me going because I didn't want to be that girl, the one who said a lot but never actually did anything.

And hey, maybe if you come up with something and you have a blog, you could post your goal and we could all support each other in our endeavors. I still have to narrow mine down, so I'll be posting January 1st. Anyone with me?

Silent Night

I can never, ever get through Silent Night without crying. 

Never.

Not since the Lonliest Christmas Ever - my boyfriend and I had broken up finally, my dad and I weren't speaking, and my mom and I were alone at a candlelight Christmas service in San Antonio. Actually, we were at Max Lucado's church, and wow can that man tell a story (but you already knew that). I have always loved candlelight services for a couple different reasons. Mostly, I love candles. I have a swirly candle holder thing that K and I got for our wedding that is tedious as crap to light but when people are coming over in the evening I light 'em up (and every other candle in the house) because I love candles.  In the church services, I love the way that the light spreads through the congregation as people light each other's candles, how it reminds me of the need for community in faith because my little light is okay by itself but check out what it can do when all these other people also have light.

Anyway, I don't remember how we ended up at Oak Hills Church, but when it came to the part where we sing Silent Night and everyone holds up there candles, I remember thinking, "God, I'm trying really hard to be grateful but how can I when this is all that is left of my family?" And I heard Him very quietly say, "Look around.  This is your family," and instead of staring sorrowfully at my solo candle, I looked around at the multitude of lights, the illuminated faces of the Church and was immediately overwhelmed by love, which of course brought the Ugly Cry on full force.

So, whenever we sing that song, tears come to my eyes because it reminds me of how far my family HAS come, and quite literally puts me on my knees in gratitude for Kyle, for my crazy family, for my friends who have always been like family. 

Little Village

This is too much cuteness not to post: Make Your Own Village

Stand By Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6fT1acr0u0

Chess.

The holidays for my family is always like playing this big complicated board game that Kyle would easily win and I would hate.  I like games like Scrabble, where the fun is in the playing, not in destroying your opponent. 

This holiday we were going to go to Mexico because of a misunderstanding between my mother and I (I apparently led folks to believe that I wanted to have Christmas love-in with my dad/stepmother and my mom *I know, wtf* when instead I was hypothesizing that the two parties would have to figure something out when Kyle and I decide to have kids and stay put for a holiday) and a drunk "Hey let's go to Mexico!" on a Jason Mraz tour bus. Unfortunately, last minute trips are kind of expensive, but not too expensive that we couldn't do it, so we made some sacrifices, pushed back some things we wanted to get for the house, and decided to go for it. Except, when traveling on the holidays, hotels like for you to stay for at least 5 nights.  Well, we were going for 4. BUT my cousin would be going for a week so maybe we could get a suite.  Maybe we could all stay together. That wasn't going to work either. It wasn't for lack of trying, but we just couldn't all find something we could agree on. 

SO. For the holidays. K and I will be in the NB/SA area, probably taking my grandmother out for dinner because she doesn't want us to have to cook. Fine with me. We'll also be hanging out with my dad and stepmom, and probably renting a U-Haul of sorts to get a piano, cedar chest with our china and other goodies from around San Antonio (my sister's dad is moving and left us with some sweet art-deco-ey chairs.  I haven't seen 'em yet but he's an architect and has fantastic taste so it's not like I'm going to say no) for our house.

All this has made me think about what are the traditions from my childhood that I hold very dearly to that I will defend for my whole life? Well, I know some people don't like it but my abuela's mac and cheese is unmatched by anyone in the universe, so having that is ideal, but I don't know that I'm going to get it this year unless I make it. Then there's the opening of one present if we happen to make it to midnight on Christmas Eve (tequila shot optional). The one thing that I feel very, VERY strongly about is that I will find some tamales and coffee so we can have them on Christmas morning. No matter what we had going on that year, I would wake up to presents from Santa under the tree as the smell of tamales baking and fresh coffee brewing mingled with Christmas magic and lights. I didn't yet have the taste for coffee, but I distinctly remember all the adults watching me open presents, eating tamales, then everyone crowding around and opening presents together.

There are other visions and smells from the holidays that I will never get back - my grandfathers sitting on the couch watching football, my mom and dad cooking together, making bread in the big white breadmaker, my dad's huge hands spreading mayo on the turkey as I peered over the counter from my tiptoes, everyone sitting around the big table in the dining room. Garrison Keillor during a Prairie Home Companion last year talked about how no matter how rebellious the kids are, the holiday traditions are what keep them grounded because by golly if the green beans aren't done with the same amount of crunch they have always had, these kids with the dark eyeliner, black hair and angsty aura will birth a chicken.

I think I am still in the process of mourning those and the loss of those, and I think which is why I hang on so crazily to the tamales and coffee.  In fact, when my mom came to St. Louis a couple years back she brought a ton of tamales and we had them every morning leading up to and on Christmas day. It is so awesome to wake up in the morning to a cozy house in the early morning hours to the smell of tamales and coffee.  Thankfully, when my sister started hosting Christmases at her house, she brought the tradition back at a time when I could participate as an adult, so it's also one of those rite of passages thing, like when we were playing Santa for Katrina and taking the bites out of the cookies...it was surreal to be on the other side of the magic. 

I forgot to add this earlier but, it would probably also explain why I would jump up and down, giggle, and clap at odd intervals while Kyle was putting lights up on the house, why I didn't mind wrestling with the prickly bushes to get the multicolored net lights on them, why I didn't complain about putting up all the ornaments on the tree (Kyle was smart and did the lights for me...doesn't matter how nostalgic I am, I still hate that dang part). He would look at me like I was a crazy person and I would yell, "SHUT UP!  THIS IS PROGRESS!"  Progress in the same way that I was a complete Scrooge and all anxious about spending our first Christmas in St. Louis...something that started melting when all the aunts came outside and sang us "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" when we pulled into the drive.

What holiday stuff is important to you?  Do you think about the holidays differently now that you're an adult?

Florecitos Bonitos

Oh, I get it!  Florets! Maybe this explains why broccoli is considered a superfood!  This stuff is alive!  I know I should harvest it but I'm really tempted to let this one go and harvest the one next to it.

Goodbye

To quote Madonna: "There is only so much you can learn in one place." 

What I got at my internship site was far more than I bargained for.  At my goodbye lunch, I was asked what my most memorable moment on the units were.  I was overwhelmed - I'm no good at on-the-spot answers - so I said that my experience felt like someone had opened my head, barfed in my brain, and shook it all around. At my last session, though, I had a really touching moment. We took the karaoke machine over with the girls and everyone sang a song. The last song we did was "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World.  It's a well-known song but here are the lyrics:

Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head you feel left out or looked own

Just try your best, try everything you can

And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride,

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, you know they're all the same,

You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.

Live right now, yeah, just be yourself,

It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride,

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

---------------

It's totally my power song - I sing it when I'm riding my bike, running, or in the car in tears when I've had a really hard day. I was jumping around with the girls, singing the song and the words really sank in, and of course I started tearing up.  The unit staff had brought me cupcakes, so when the singing was through we enjoyed those, talked about everyone's plans for the holidays, what I'd be doing now that I was done with internship.  When the girls were walking away toward their unit, they started singing the chorus again...and that's when the tears flowed. I tried my best not to ugly cry, but didn't do much of a good job.

I can feel that there are a lot of things about me that are different since starting that adventure six months ago.  I am far more independent - actually, I've been trying to figure out if and how to protect my "me" time during the weekend...It's 8:05 on Monday morning and I'm realizing I'm going to get a LOT of "me" time during the week.  a LOT. Clinically, I know that I am far more patient and that I have a ton more confidence in group leading.  I know how to take care of myself mentally, know when I've poured too much of myself out to be good for my patients.  I'm more professional, and I have developed strong personal and professional boundaries.  

But I have to say, I am really going to miss my coworkers - they are some of the most talented therapists I know.

So, now the big question that I've heard a million times over the last few weeks: "What's next for you?"  Well, there's not a simple answer to that question.  I need to finish my thesis (and that can be broken down into about a hundred million steps in itself), study, take a practice certification exam,  study some more, take my certification exam (hopefully only once), graduate, look for a job.  My goal for today is actually to sit down and map out a timeline for all that that I will stick to.  And that's just the professional stuff. In the mean time, I have Christmas presents to make, a guest bathroom to finish, baby gifts to work on for friends, a garden that calls to me every day, a wreck for an office that is (after this weekend) THANKFULLY on its way to being somewhat organized, and family and friends to see.  

Balance.  That's why I'm spending time with Jesus this morning and doing yoga later.  I need some inner balance, perspective.

So farewell, Austin - it's been real. Don't be offended when I say I was ready to leave you and go back to Dallas, 'cos let's face it, Dallas doesn't have any idea how to be as cool as you.  You are in a lot of ways home to me because my friends are still there with you, and family is a short way away and you know that a part of my heart is still there on the Lady Bird trail, on First Thursdays at HomeSlice, the local farm operated restaurants, the farmer's market, and biking on Shoal Creek.  I think this time I've spent with you has been a good growing experience for me, different than the time before when I was all wild and in college and couldn't appreciate you Austin for the city-beyond-the-university that you are.  It's time to take all you've taught me and influence the heart and mind of Dallas.  See you soon, Austin.  Love you.

Many thanks to Mom, Dad, Karen, Matt, Natalie, Carlos, Morrises, Robert, The Great Kate, Ev, Collin, Clay, Drew, Russ, Justin, Ed, Ian, Sarah, McGuires, Jettes, for consistently being there for me and being an incredible, unfailing support system for me. Props out to my bloggy friends as well for cheering me on from afar :)

Feliz Navidad

You have no idea what a trip to Mexico in 3 weeks does to my workout motivation.

The short version of the story is...

I think we're going to Mexico for Christmas. Not a long vacation, just 4 days. The longer version of the story is not particularly fun, but there are worse things than spending a holiday sipping margaritas on the beach...

A Thanksgiving Miracle

Monday in St. Louis, I took my dog on a walk with my iPod clipped to my sweatshirt and my phone. I took out my earbuds to talk to my sister and when I hung up the phone, I looked down and my little red iPod shuffle was gone. GONE. I had already been walking an hour and had to call Kyle to help me look and we didn't find it that day. In fact, I walked the dog on the same route Tuesday and Wednesday, and didn't find it. Part of the reason was because in St. Louis they have this thing called fall where all the leaves fall off the trees - the RED leaves which are the same colour as my RED iPod.

Thursday morning, though, I got a phone call - a girl named Lisa up the street had found my iPod. Good thing I had my name and phone number engraved on the back :)

Holidays...

...are a little different this year - this year we have a house, and today we're going to go on the hunt for Christmas lights to adorn our roofline and bushes. We're going to try out a living Christmas tree - not just live, but one you can plant after Christmas. I am usually daunted by the fact that we've got so much work to do on our house, but I am far more excited that this is the beginning of many years of holiday decorations, filling the house with candlelight and family and friends :)

We are finally back from a relaxing 2 weeks in St. Louis. My presentation with Bill at the American Music Therapy Association national conference went really, really well - I love conference, I needed to be filled back up with the company of over 1,200 music therapists from around the country and to refocus, rediscover the different facets of my passion. I also got a bit of a job to keep me going in this time between taking my certification exam and finding a solid job.

I've got to go back to Austin tomorrow (yay traffic!) and will be there for my last week at work, which means closing things up with the adolescent girls I've been working with, my last First Thursday on South Congress, and saying see you later to the wonderful friends who have supported me as these last 6 months flew by. I still can't believe I'm done with my internship. Now all I have to do is finish my thesis and I'll be graduating in May. The light at the end of the tunnel just keeps getting brighter :)

St. Louis is for lovers...of life

Greetings from St. Louis!  We've been here for the last few days - weddings and family galore :) 

I've been reading a lot of the newspaper, which is quite different from newspaper in Austin, Texas.  If you remember, Missouri was a much debated state that is made up of a lot of white Catholics.  I read one article about how Catholics were either being denied or asked to seriously consider taking communion if they voted for Obama, lest they rain damnation upon their head. It of course had a lot to do with the abortion issue.  What's maddening is another article I read (different news source) about how certain pro life groups are unwilling to compromise on the abstinence sex education issue.  So, the hope is that we'll lower the abortion rates not by educating youngsters about safer sex practices but by closing our eyes, spinning around 3 times and hoping that their moral compass will point them in the right direction?  Maddening. 

The other article I read was from the AP about how hate crimes have risen since election day.  This in particular makes me angry.  Has our nation really returned to a time when burning crosses and randomly assaulting black people is an acceptable outlet for anger?  It's appalling.

I prayed a lot this morning for the new president and his family - they're going to need it.  

Other than the newspaper I've started on The Audacity of Hope, which I recommend to those of you who didn't vote for him, and those who did.  I don't want to be one of those who thinks the new president poops rainbows and butterflies, and want to understand him more.  People say that he's underqualified for the presidency due to lack of experience but this is a man who studied and taught constitutional law for 10 years at Columbia University and from what I've read so far is trying to hash out how our government has gotten in the mess it is currently in and really has a passion to try and fix things.

The other reason the book is really good is that it makes me want to go back and study all the government that I didn't pay attention to in high school.  There's a LOT of history in the book and a lot of things one doesn't consider, especially the struggles of African Americans and what legislation has and hasn't done for them in the past.

As for me, I think though I lean liberal, I'm at the point that I'm tired of the bi-partisanism that rules this country and hope that with this presidency everyone can get more involved. I guess that makes me an independent.  Constitutionalist.  Whatever.

Kings of Leon

So, maybe I'm a little late to the game, seeing as the album Only By The Night was released September 23rd earlier this year.  I'd heard of the band, Kyle totally loves them, and as I love to hate bands he likes, hated them.  I can't really put a finger on why, maybe it was butted up too close to the latest dark and twisty Modest Mouse (yes his taste in music is excruciatingly cool. love that about him. and by love i mean hate.) but after watching Gossip Girl last night, my window into everything cool and fashionable, I made a date with myself at Waterloo Records for lunch the next day.  

Aaaaand I pretty much haven't stopped listening to the album ever since.  "Sex on Fire" is crazy catchy, hot, and I also really like the next track "Use Somebody" as well.  What I like most about the band is that they've got this simmering energy that reaches its climax only when the song is really ready to.  Plus, what's not to like?  They're a bunch of cute dudes making great music.

running away again

so I've got that renewed omg-must-work-out thing going right now - walked yesterday about a mile and a half before my stomach kept me from going farther (further detox from the weekend - blecch) and then today I went 5 miles - walked 1 mile, then ran 100 meters walked 300 for 4 laps, ran 200 meters walked 200 for 4, ran 100 walked 300 for 4, and walked 4 laps. So I guess I ran a mile and walked 4. Might do the same tomorrow, depends on how I feel.

mmm veggies

After overindulging in lots of meat and alcohol this weekend, I decided to cook every vegetable in the house last night - pasta with artichokes, spinach, garlic, squash, with a side of brussel sprouts and a salad with avocado to boot. nom nom nom.

Wurstenfesten

I'd like to introduce you to the sunshines of my life. On the left we have Connor and the right is Katrina. They are a year apart, which is interesting because their mothers are also a year apart. The other interesting thing is that though I am related to both of them, they are not related to each other :)

I've tried over and over to figure out the best way to relay the story of the weekend but without some background knowledge and perhaps a flow chart, you're not going to get it. My dad Rick and his girlfriend Regina gave their daughter Debbie up for adoption I think when my dad was 18. He married a woman named Lauri later and had another girl named Michelle, then divorced, then married my mom, Nora, and had me. Debbie has three kids - Taylor, Parker, and Connor, and Michelle is getting married this New Year. On mom's side, before she married my dad, she was married and had 2 kids, Jodi and Paul.  Jodi is married and has one daughter - Katrina. Okay. So. Now we can go on, quick, before I have to explain my cousins-who-are-really-like-my-siblings-because-their-moms-died.

This weekend, Debbie brought her kids, including the cuteness above and the two dudes below. I was so nervous driving in for dinner on Friday night because it had been YEARS since I'd met my neice and nephews and an internal debate raged all of Friday - do I stop at Toy Joy and get them all presents? What the heck is the right thing to do here?
I ended up just driving to NB and the night pretty much ended up being a huge reacquaintance with me and my sister, and running around playing music and being crazy with my neices and nephews.

The next day we all went to Wurstfest during the day after watching UT play Baylor. In the mean time, my sister's step sister (Jodi's dad's third wive's daughter) and husband came into town, so at the table in the Biergarten we were this huge, crazy mess of family.

I would say that I don't know how other families handle this sort of spaghetti of family, but actually I do.  From what I know, a lot of people who have messes of steps and halves and such don't really get on that well.

We all joke about putting the "funk" in dysfunctional but really, I love love LOVE my family.  

As my half sister's step sister put it this weekend, after going through hard times herself she could see how these kinds of things happen...that our parents all did things out of love and created this huge tangle of a generation that decided to throw out conventional wisdom, erase the boundary lines and love each other regardless of what our parents did.  For example, Kat ended up staying with Connor Saturday night, something my sister was way conflicted about due to the nature of the strained relationship between my mom and dad. But you know what?  Everyone was cool with it, and best of all we didn't need to explain the whole nasty story in a language 6 and 7 year olds would understand because really, they would just understand that they couldn't see their new friends and their parents/aunts/uncles wouldn't tell them why. Anyway, it was a really amazing weekend, one that I am still very much processing.  I'm looking forward to a renewed relationship with my sister and us all growing closer through the years.

In other news, my sometimes-intimidating-because-he's-so-dang-awesome supervisor called me "intern extraordinnaire" today.  

Point Christina. 

And PS hanging around Debbie's kids totally solidified my desire to have three kids. It was chaos, man.  I loved every minute of it.

Huh? What just happened?

Well here it is folks, the beginning of the end. This next week I've got 4 days of work, then I'm off to St. Louis for two weeks, then back to Austin for tying up of loose ends and such. I am so ready to be done with this limbo thing and back in Dallas and into real life, whatever that will bring.

The Accidental Chicken Farmer

On Wednesday night, The Great Kate and I went to Cipollina to experience their Farm-to-Table dining. They do these every first Wednesday of the month and feature local Austin farmers who supply the restaurant with organic, local ingredients. The three course meal is $35 that can be accompanied by a wine pairing - $7 for white and $7.50 for red. We were dubious but still hopeful when we read the first item on the menu: Chicken Liver Mousse. I've tried foie gras once when I was in France and totally hated it, so I hoped that this chicken liver stuff wasn't going to be totally gross. Also, if you've done any research on how they treat ducks that are farmed for foie gras, it's positively disgusting - they cut off their beaks and feet and feed them so their liver will be huge. It's inhumane. Therefore, Kyle's morally opposed to it and I just simply won't touch it 'cos it tasted gross in the land that's famous for it.

We grabbed a cozy table in the corner and sipped our wine while anxiously awaiting the first course. The presentation was beautiful - a disc of mousse topped shredded greens with a basalmic vinagrette and garnished with two pieces of rosemary bread. As a bonus, the farmer came out and spoke with us about what from his farm we'd be eating. The mousse, in a word, was fantastic.

I suppose at this point you're thinking, "Wait a minute, isn't she a vegetarian?" I should explain that it's not that I don't like meat...anyone who's ever been around me when I'm in the vicinity of sausage pizza knows better. What concerns me is the practices that surround the industrialized meat industry that involves not only horrendous acts done to the food we eat but also the food that our food eats that is laden with hormones and antibiotics. In fact, when I stopped eating meat altogether at the beginning of this year, my cramps actually went away. I've always said that when I can trust the source of my meat, I will go back to eating it. However, I definitely will eat meat not as the centerpiece of my meals but in small quantities because my stomach just cannot take it.

The second course was absolutely to die for - we had pasta imported from Italy with local roasted chicken, sided with a fried poached egg and some more of the rosemary bread. The portion was just right, the chicken cooked perfectly, and the mystery of the poached egg...well, it was like eating an egg overeasy on your breakfast. Heavenly. The wine pairing (I had the red) also went beautifully with the meal. Topping everything off was the most exquisite creme brulee I have ever eaten. It was spiced with vanilla and cloves and I would have licked the bowl if we weren't in a classy joint. The atmosphere of Cipollina truly reminded me of real Italian bistros in a refreshing way.

After dinner, we spotted the farmer and went over to thank him for our meal. The Great Kate, being a journalist and all, asked how he got into farming chickens and it turns out that he and his wife were moving to Austin, and his brother in law was on a plane going to Austin and happened to chat up a guy who was selling 11 acres of a chicken farm in South Austin. He says that he came by it quite accidentally - he'd never touched a chicken in his life but now oversees every bit of the processing, from hatching to delivering them to local restaurants. I was pretty sure we were the first customers to ask him this question because his face lit up like a Christmas elf as he spoke of his 1500 chickens and how he's getting ready to buy lambs and pigs for the cooler months.

It was an awesome experience and if you're ever in Austin on the first Wednesday of the month, I recommend going to Cipollina and checking out the local fare. I also learned that there are many other restaurants in Austin that also serve locally grown/raised food, like Vespaio. It may be pricier, but think of the good things you're doing for your body.

way excited for America

I don't really care who you voted for, this is a huge moment for America and a huge moment in our lives - something we'll tell our kids about.

quotables

Working at a mental institution has it's hilarious points:

Me: "Are you involved with something called MHMR? Does that sound familiar to you?"
Kid: "No. What does MHMR stand for?"
Me: "Mental Health/Mental Retardation."
Kid: "I'M NOT RETARDED!!!"

Lady (while charging up to me): "I've just wet my pants!"
Me: "M'am, it looks like you should change your pants."
Lady: "No I won't! I'm PROUD of my pee pee!"

*gasp!*

I just found out that my cousin & Jason Mraz will be in St. Louis on November 23rd.

I WILL ALSO be in St. Louis November 23rd. That is in fact the evening of the morning I am presenting at the AMTA conference. I kind of want to go to the show again - is that weird?

spread too thin, again.

I know, I know - that's like saying, "Dude, did you notice the sky today? It's like, BLUE," or mentioning in passing that the Pope is Catholic. But whatever, I had a really good day. We threw an awesome Halloween festival for the kids, I got my face painted, and I set up a one to one session with a kid. I'm also on a high from the ridiculously cute song I wrote with one of my groups about the Fall and how everything changes (weather, our clothes, time) this time of year and how we take care of ourselves. Maybe I'm finally getting ahold of this dual diagnosis MHMR thing. Then of course the geriatric group right after me bombed. Live learn and mo'betta, as we used to say back when LHB was cool.

Gobbledegook.

Sigh.

I have so much to say that I don't really know where to start. My mind/daily life lately seems to be lots of little blurs of activity. Work is really good - I have three more weeks 'til St. Louis and then the wedding and then the big fancy national music therapy conference where I just found out I'll be presenting to as many as 100 people (depending on if people want to get up early to check out my presentation but seeing as I apparently beat out a bunch of other multicultural MT presentations, I predict that all THOSE GUYS will be at it. At least, I hope so.) (was that too long for a parenthetical statement?)

Kyle keeps asking what I want to do while we're in StL and my thought is that we'll get there, party for the wedding, have a blast in the aftermath with family and friends and then I'll spend 6 solid days freaking out. THEN I can concentrate on things like Thanksgiving and...NOT graduating in December.

Oh yeah, that's a long story. The short of it is that working where I work is um, stressful. I really feel like I've thrown myself wholeheartedly into it and if I've procrastinated on my thesis, it's only because I've been doing things like hanging out with friends, which is a VERY GOOD THING for my sanity. Especially considering where I work. Besides, I can start studying for my orals NOW and get that over with in a timely manner as well as defend my paper (if that LADY will EVER give me my DATA) (or heck, even show up on time I mean, AT ALL, for the appointments we set) and plan a really good graduation/housewarming party. Maybe by then we'll have a new bathroom. K's really ready to be done with the summer camp bathroom we're currently tolerating.

At any rate, my advisor laughed out loud when I told her that I no longer have any pride - just do whatever it takes for me to get this dang paper written, rewritten, defended, whatever. I just want to get it done. When you start out writing a thesis you think it's your THING and then you realize along the way that it's just another flaming hoop (albeit a very small tricksy hoop that keeps changing on you) that you have to jump through. I've even second-guessed my brilliant scheme to write a thesis thinking to myself, "Is it too late to turn this into a professional paper?" (yes) and a good friend recently put it best when she said that she's leaning toward a ppaper because writing a thesis is more for if later you want to get your Ph.D. in which case you'd have to write an equivalent somewhere along the way and who's to say first off that she even WANTS to get her Ph.D. and second, if that happens it'll be pretty far down the line and how can she make a decision now on something she may not want down the line? As for me, I know that I want to be a professor, know that I want to get my Ph.D., know that it's going to be loads of work especially if I want to start up the ol' baby maker in the next 5 years.

Wow - getting that all out of my head was really therapeutic.

Speaking of therapeutic, the Jason Mraz show in Dallas was AMAAAAAAAZING and not just because our sweet tickets were 13th row. When I get the rest of my brain cells together, I'll write about it because it was probably one of the better shows I've been to.

Also, leaving this place is going to be really hard for me in a couple weeks - I've come to really love and enjoy my coworkers and it's going to be tough to leave them.

No promises that I'll write any time soon because I have to make boxes and peel grapes for the Fall Carnival on Wednesday and then it's back to Dallas on Friday!

Advice

So, Etsy friend(s): I'm thinking about selling my stuff on Etsy. How do I get started, what are the good/bad points of it, and how do you deal with payment/shipping/etc.

I also need a good name for my store if anyone has suggestions...

Heck. NOW what?

There is a very serious potential buyer with his eye on the house I am currently staying at. The question is, if it sells, what the heck am I going to do for the next 4 weeks?

My first inclination is PRAY. Not for the house not to be sold (of course) but because I really really have no idea what I'm going to do. This would of course happen the very day after I write how warm and fuzzy and comfy I am here.

breathe in, breathe out, wash, rinse, repeat

The thesis saga continues, unfortunately. I had asked the Administrator in charge at the school I did my work at if I could use the scores from a standardized test. Now, the test is comprised of several subtests, and if you were an Administrator, would you let your eager music therapy student know that not all of the subtests would be given? I hope if you're ever an Administrator, that you would, because they of course use tests A and B, while my prospectus was approved for the use of tests B and F.

This is of course along the same lines of me asking when the test is given and leaning on "at the end of the year" when in fact that meant APRIL. This thesis writing thing really is becoming a large test of my patience and perseverance. I am always ALWAYS learning that. If you're ever bored one day and think to yourself, "Hey Self, I wonder what God's teaching Christina today...humm...." It's PATIENCE. I guaran-freaking-tee you.

In other news, thanks to The Great Kate I am reading for pleasure again and it gives my brains a special kind of tingly feeling. I do believe that reading makes one smarter and find it freaky when people tell me they don't like to read. That's like, not liking babies or puppies. I also took myself on an impromptu date to JoAnn's fabrics which was probably a bad thing if you're asking the Hubs, but not if you're talking to my creativity. Between the reading and the crocheting and the Christmas-present-jewelry-making, I finally feel....rested here for the first time after moving up to Round Rock.

Other good things that are going on: My mom is finally out of the hospital - thanks for all the thoughts and prayers and wishes. Another good thing: Colt McCoy is looking like Heisman material. I think he deserves it more than Vince Young did because this year the whole team looks tight, amazing, like a machine that will not be stopped.

Oh and did I mention I got the sweet hook up for the Jason Mraz show this Thursday in Dallas? My family rocks my world.

not funny ha-ha

After a taxing 24 hours and a 45-minute chat with my dear Maria about internships, I got this in my fortune cookie:

:I am always doing that which I cannot do in order to learn how to do it:

I think I am going to frame that in with a picture of my coworkers when I leave. Which is by the way in like 5 weeks. Time really does fly.

Walking and Running

In other news, here's my playlist for tonight in order:

Margarita Stand - Bob Schneider 2:22
Friends In Low Places - Garth Brooks 4:20
*I'm Yours - Jason Mraz 4:03
The Heart of Life - John Mayer 3:18
Can't Stop - Ozomatli 2:56
**So What - P!nk 3:34
Snow (Hey Oh) - RHCP 5:35
Bombananza - The Scabs 4:36
No Baby Swings Like Mine - South Austin Jug Band 2:38
Hideaway - The Weepies 2:49
Wonderful Rainbow - Israel Kamikolawe (or whatever) 4:53
Sunrise - Norah Jones 3:21
Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright 4:09

Total Time: 48.4 minutes

* denotes song that I ran to. In hindsight I don't know that I'd pick a four-minute song right off the bat, maybe something shorter. Oh well, next week.

** denotes song that you can really get your powerful woman strut on to.

Cancer Sucks.

Today I was reminded of why I started this whole crazy idea of triathlons in the first place.

My beautiful and driven roommate in college Sarah started UT's Colleges Against Cancer in affiliation with the American Cancer Society and for some insane reason implored scatterbrained, flaky, undergrad me to head up her entertainment chair. I think I was supposed to delegate but not sure I did, but anyway, one of the first meetings, Sarah asked all the chair people why we were involved in CAC. I of course was running late and didn't know I'd be saying anything at the meeting, so I just started talking about the people I knew who had dealt with cancer - my paternal grandmother had just passed away from lung and colon cancer, my maternal step-grandfather died from pancreatic cancer when I was in high school, my dad and paternal grandfather both had bouts with skin cancer, my friends Chris and Joanna were diagnosed the same summer and then my dear Kelli had a scare as well later, and most importantly my mom, who was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when I was born and because of treatment wasn't able to breastfeed me.

Just this summer I've had two dear friends and mentors diagnosed with some form of cancer, as well as a scare in Kyle's family. A friend at work is having abnormal tests show up and is waiting on the results and earlier this week one of my newest, dearest friends just informed me that she's going in for surgery before the end of October.

People, to be honest this stuff scares the shit out of me. There are no more words at the moment.

Still A Very Good Day :)

I had planned to go walk/run today but am going to postpone it to tomorrow - I instead went on a crazy goose chase for a pottery painting place with my dear Kate and we FINALLY ended up at one, after TWO were found to be closed and we drove to a place that was pretty much a professional clay-throwing type place. So, instead of running, I painted, had some (more) fabulous chili leftover from today's birthday potluck at work and had a beer. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will run.

At the moment I am actually walking a lot more than I am running and that's because I'm starting to train WAY ahead for an olympic triathlon next year. As in, next summer. The plan is to train for the olympic and DO the Danskin (a sprint) and to start on the whole running workout thing REALLY early so as to build up strength and lose some weight along the way (which helps with everything). I don't really like the run 1 minute, walk 1 minute plans that only go for 30 minutes that I've found. Since I am so ridiculously motivated by music, my goal was to walk for one hour x3 last week, which I did (woohoo!) and then this week, run one song (I'm Yours by Jason Mraz) and then walk the rest of the hour, and add an extra day of walking. It doesn't matter when I do these things, as long as the run/walks are 3x a week. Walking is supposed to be a good, restorative exercise so it'll be good to intersperse my progressively longer runs with walks. So yay, triathaloning again. It really does help to think of even these little walking excursions as "training for a triathlon" because it makes me stick with it more.

I also had a really amazing day at work that was fueled by some serious motivation that has been lacking in my thesis work and in my group-preparation-creativity. I love my job, love that I get to go to work every day and make music and change people's lives.

Shout Out

For some reason my blog links won't post this link correctly - it's my cousin/sister's (long story) gardening blog through Domino Magazine. Check it out - her writing is fantastic and hilarious and you just might learn something.

Scary Stuff

Terrorist?

Washington Post

Rolling Stone Article

Irritated.

On NPR this morning they were talking about Liberty University, a fundamentalist Baptist university in Virginia. The issue is that they're trying to keep Virginia a Republican state and therefore are working really hard to get all 10,000 students to vote because 80-90% of them are Republican and while they cannot say "vote for McCain" they can say that it's important to vote, cancel class, and hold a results viewing party. Two soundbites that stuck out to me the most were these:

Interviewer to an Obama supporter: "So when they find out you support Obama, what is the first question they ask?"
Obama supporter: "Well the first thing they ask is if I'm a Christian."

Second was a girl talking about how McCain has lived his whole life in sacrifice and under Christian values and that's something that all Christians should consider when voting. (Um, you'd think she'd be voting for the man who's stayed faithful to his wife and family his whole life and NOT a man who cheated on his wife and then left her after she was disfigured in a car wreck.)

Pretty sure I'm not normal.

I really think I have some sort of social anxiety. It's not that I so much care about what other people think about me, it's that I know I'm going to say something weird or silly (by whose standards? maybe I do care?) and then It will show up...It being that Awkward Pause. I am not It's biggest fan. Sometimes I wish that I had some sort of excuse or could have a few minutes to explain the awkwardness, but I don't ever get it. I don't always ever get myself so how can I expect someone else to? I usually just walk away and try to laugh about it. I wish I could be tactful and suave and awesome but no, I'm just that girl laughing at inappropriate moments because I'm really, really nervous.

In other news, we saw Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist and it was way warm and fuzzy-ness inducing. Loved it. Also, we went to IKEA and found an overhead light for the entryway and I'm seriously going to throw a party because this is the culmination of spending MONTHS looking for one. We also got some fabric to make into a shower curtain for the guest bath, which will be worked on next weekend and pics posted accordingly :)

Falling for Fall

After much debate with myself, I've decided that Fall wins for my favorite season. here's 15 reasons why:

1. Football
2. Chili weather
3. Sweaters!
4. Camping
5. Oktoberfest brews
6. Wurstfest!!!
7. Fun new veggies and flowers in the garden
8. Trading in the quilts for the duvets
9. Leaving the windows open at night
10. Beautiful, lush colors in fashion like greens and berries and orangey reds
11. My insatiable need to knit and/or crochet
12. All things pumpkin: pumpkin infused vodka, pumpkin patches, pumpkin carving, pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks, homemade pumpkin swirl cheesecake!
13. The dressing up, decorating and the excitement around Halloween :)
14. Days when it is both sunny and cool.
15. Because fall leads to winter and winter means GRADUATION!

the Drumist

The most challenging patient (pt) I've had so far is one who is really interested in drumming but the last few weeks has not been attending school and therefore has been restricted to the unit. Two weeks ago I moved an entire drum set to the unit and used it as motivation for the pt to go to school. Last week we didn't have a session because the pt again didn't go to school. But Monday the pt went, and I got hopeful, and the pt went yesterday also. AND the pt went today!

Today was the first day the pt got to drum, and it was really incredible. The pt has issues with emotional regulation, so I had the pt play different emotions, like happy, sad, and we finally landed on angry. We talked about the things that induced the pt's anger and then talked about what it felt like when the pt was in control of their emotions, then had the pt play that. THEN, I had the pt start on angry and move to in control. Not surprsingly, we had to do this a couple times, but the pt was really starting to get the hang of it.

This session was a nice reminder of why I do what I do. In this instance I was able to give a pt a place to express their feelings freely, and also talk about where the pt would like to go in the future. I introduced the pt to the concept of DCI and we even did some visualizing of what it would be like for the pt to be the center snare of a drumline, then I had the pt play what that would feel like. The pt had this huge grin on their face and said that it would be "totally badass." I think that this kid could totally be famous one day, and the pt is going to request a drumset from their mom when released. I promised to try and find a music therapist in the pt's area because hopefully the pt can keep this in their life as a positive motivator.

The pt even said that when they get famous, that I get free backstage passes to all the band's shows, which is of course, another reason why I do what I do.

Phew!

Two weeks ago, the adolescent girls I work with were all sunshine and bunnies and flowers and last week they WORE ME OUT with all the new admits, the attitudes, and the FOUR attempts to break out. This week we're back to rainbows and butterflies, which is good news for my blood pressure.

My Monday groups usually are a test-the-waters group, so yesterday I gathered ideas from a packet I got from the folks up in Lewisville ISD. We played sound and music games and tossed around a talking ball. The coolest things that happened were that there were several girls who were not participating in group, so when it got around to be their turn, I asked if they'd like to join. A few times they said no, but eventually everyone snuck into the group and started participating. The next cool thing that happened was that we played a game with the ball where the girls in the circle had to throw it to each other, and who ever caught it had to look at the star under their left thumb and see what the category was, like Sea Animals or Famous Band Leaders, etc. Then we went around the circle seeing how many things in the category we could name. Whoever couldn't come up with something had to say something nice about the person who threw the ball. Well, the universe worked it out so that two girls who were having drama on the unit had to say something nice about each other (and the other girl had to say thank you). It was glorious. Thanks, universe.

Indiana Jones and the Outlets of Doom

Dude. It's been a long while since I've been to the San Marcos outlet stores but oh my glory...I had forgotten how great they were...the prices! Why the heck would anyone shop at a mall? I got some sweet deals and thought my day was done and then turned around and ladies, there is a VS outlet. It's so amazing I can't even put it into words. Just...go.

Why am I not tired?

This weekend was my dad's postponed 60th birthday party and it was a jammie packed two days of awesome. Saturday morning I got in from a bachelorette party in Austin at 3am and slept a glorious 7 hours before waking up to run some errands, that included getting the most incredible eyebrow wax on the planet from a place in NB called Model Nails that has spoiled me from any other nail place ever because they are JUST THAT AWESOME.

Saturday ended on the couch with my dad and stepmom singing through my song book - my dad is a HUGE Doobie Brothers fan, so I learned Black Water for his birthday and he got all excited. Today was awesome (I'm going to try to use this word as much as possible in this post) again for many reasons, the first being that I woke up at 8:30am, wrote in my journal, then promptly hit the snooze button on myself and woke up at 11. Hung around, watched a little So You Think You Can Dance marathon on MTV and then hit the Comal County Fairgrounds (insert "YEE-HAW!" as appropriate) to check out the rodeo because it was, in fact, bull riding day. My favorite day, in case you were wondering.

As I was looking around the grandstands I was trying to figure out how I would blog about the experience (so lame, in case you were wondering if I realized that) and it wasn't so much the uproarious applause for McCain and converse me-and-three-other-people cheering for Obama that struck me. No, the feeling that I had was...contentment. I know, weird, especially considering I was hanging out with my dad doing something we hadn't done since before he'd turned into this really mean guy that I didn't care to know (we've come a long way). I also liked the feeling that nothing had changed since I'd last been to the rodeo, and I knew that when I bring my kids out there, it'll still be the same. When I looked around, I saw a really beautiful, strong tradition filled with simple people who work really hard their whole lives and who are really, genuinely happy. Happy with their faith, their family, and their cowboy hats and pearl snap shirts and the girls who wear sparkley chaps and trick ride.

Beauty in simplicity. Like the feeling I got when holding the 9-week-old son of a friend who I'd known since I was that age. It didn't matter that we hadn't kept in touch over the last few years in the least bit. I love that I'm from a small town kind of place, it makes me appreciate the rest of the world.

Political Stuff

After lots and lots of thinking and listening to debates and policies and bickering and whatnot from the Republicans and Democrats, I'm seriously going to start getting information on the independent party(ies?).

I get tickled every time my suuuuuper conservative family sends me anti-Obama stuff.

What's With Today, Today?

When writing a thesis, there's these things you do to make sure that your data is solid. Like a little thing called inter-rater reliability. What that is is where multiple people give the same test to make sure it is valid. I had the three teachers of the class I worked with administer a pretest-posttest test and today when I was looking at the scores I realized that instead of each person scoring it, they all. looked. exactly. the same. As in, they're all just copies of one person's.

I figured this out, cried a bit, then had to go do a session with a kid that is currently refusing pretty much everything for God knows why...it is just MY day today.

Movin' On Up to the North Side...

I'm moving to Round Rock in the next couple weeks - there are a myriad of reasons, but the main ones are that I can help friends as they move out of their house plus I can focus better at this house 'cos it's outside Austin. Sounds a little silly I know, but to top it off I've been getting weebed about being by myself. Last night a shadow freaked me out. Sigh.

Heavier Things

Don't you hate it when someone you love is having a hard time and all you want to do is give them a hug and take them out for some coffee and a good cry but they're too far away? Ugh.

Quilt-O-Rama

I am looking for some quality yarn to start doing scarves again (I've got some in the works and will get pics up asap in case anyone's interested) and I ran across a store in South Austin that sells Amy Butler fabric. I want to make all the quilts in her free designs section. My inner creativity is humming with excitement!

Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was tending my garden at home - cleaning, pruning, harvesting the veggies. I miss Dallas.

Who Is This Girl?

Funny story - I went to Longhorn Alumni Band this weekend and at rehearsal during a water break I went to refill my water and KKY Pledge #1 says to me, "I'll get that for you, m'am." M'AM. Oh, Lord. KKY Pledge #2 then says to me, "I hate to disappoint 'cos I see you're a Beta and all (I was wearing my jersey) but this water has no vodka in it." I was stunned by the hilarity.

What I like about going back for LHAB besides the friends and 90,000+ people screaming for us as we march on the field and the post halftime snacks is the perspective I get from being there. College really rattled my cage in the sense that I felt like I was two people: the fun quirky praying churchey girl vs. the fun angry wild party girl. A lot of huge shifts happened for me in college and though I was involved with a Christian organization, I didn't feel like it or the people were a really genuine thing, and never really found a church where I belonged. Still working on finding my place in that whole story.

Anyway, I also had the tendency to cope with the craziness in my head all sorts of creatively destructive ways. This weekend brought a lot of that back with my own doing and I've realized that alcohol is really not a good thing for me - both sides of my family have strong alcoholism tied into it and while I've stopped using it to help me deal with situations, when I want to just have a drink and have fun I sometimes I go way overboard and end up waking up thinking, "Ugh. This is not the girl I want to be." I think I may have to give it up for awhile.

hehe...

Kyle is passed out next to me - I keep telling him to get up and take out his contacts but he just goes right back to snoozing...

A is for Awkward!

My good friend and partner in grevious crimes flew in for a conference yesterday, and I seriously couldn't have been more excited to see her. We met in college - she was a friend of my cousin's at his Rock Star University and we hit it off first when she came with him to a Scabs show and then later when she randomly called me up and asked if I wanted to drive with her to Austin for ANOTHER Scabs show from the DFW area. We've been besties ever since and I think it's funny because two of my closest girls both grew up on ranches, both have dads named Ronnie, and have both been asked if they're my sister.

We decided to meet at Lucky Lounge because my roomies were playing there last night. I thought I saw the bartender I knew who works there so after saying hi to the roomses we worked our way to the end of the bar where she was but oops, not her. So we order beverages and the guy on my left turns to me and starts chatting me up. Now, I have to stretch back into memory to remember a time that a guy this legitimately hot and not at all crazy or creepy random stranger chatted me up. He was 29, went to Columbia in NY and had just moved here last week to coach a rowing team. We keep talking and ended up in the Most Awkward Conversation Ever.

Me: "Yeah I would love to stay in Austin - I love it here - but I have to go back to Dallas in December."
Guy: "Why do you have to go back? You could stay here, find a job."
Me: "Well, I just bought a house up there...it's where I went to school and..."
Guy: "You...bought a house? Really? With...well with like friends or like..."

Wait for it...

Me: "With my husband."

Guy: "You're MARRIED?! How OLD are you?!"

Apparently he thought I was 21, which prompted an explanation of my mother and father's complete inability to age whatsoever, and then he demanded a closer look at my left hand. I guess to be fair I wasn't wearing the Bling but still. Silver band. Pay attention, buddy. What's unfortunate is that he would've been a cool guy to hang out with, show around Austin, hook him up with my single girlfriends and all, but all conversation after that point was pretty much shattered...and besides that, he was after all a 29-year-old sharking a 21 year old. Classy.

On another round of the club, a guy from across the room catches my eye, comes over and asks, "What would you say if a man told you he would marry you without a prenup?"

Let's take this moment to pause and use three of my favorite letters: WTF!? First off, who told that guy that that was flattering and or would work at all, and second...whAT?

I replied, "I'd tell him that I've already been married for two years." He got this AAHHHAAAA look on his face and shook my hand and said congratulations etc. etc. In pondering it I've decided I should have said, "I'd say he was about 7 years too late" or "I'd introduce him to my girlfriend" and point to my friend. That would've been hilarious.

Speaking of girlfriends, after that we worked our way up to the stage to dance and wave to the roommmates when I get the feeling that someone is trying to dance all up on me. I tried to think of a more intelligent way to say that, but I don't really...no...not any other way to say that. I turn around and it's a GIRL. Not only a girl, but a girl like a foot shorter than me in my heels. I even turned around to her once and told her to back up.

At this point I'm sure you're thinking "Surely the awkwardness ends here."

Right.

When the band took a break we walked outside to hang out with the Cool Band Guys and their mindless groupies, one of which comes up to my cousin and asks if she can lick his head. Yes, you read that right. So, she gives his noggin a big ol' lick and I turned him around by his shoulder and said "Really? Really." Lick Girl explained that she had a bald head fetish so she just HAD to do it, to which I replied, "OH! Well then that was TOTALLY appropriate!"

She walked off.

I would take this moment to go on a tirade about groupies and how much I hate them, but actually I kind of enjoy the lengths they go to. I also think it's hilarious that they all get this look on this face like how DARE you go anywhere NEAR my TARGET when in fact me and said target are, uh, related. But who am I to spoil the fun.

Overall, the night ended up exactly as I'd expected it to because my friend and I have this weird kind of stuff happen to us every time we're within 5 fabulous feet of each other. She's in town 'til Sunday - Austin better watch out :o)

Looking forward to my very own hurricake

So, from the looks of the recent radar, Ike is headed straight for Dallas. It started raining about 10 this morning and the wind is gusting. We spent last night perfecting our hurricane drink mix, watching the weather channel, and watching my friend's live webcam from the Heights in Houston.

The other exciting thing that's going on today is that I brought home 5 cucumbers from my farm-to-work program in Austin and Kyle decided to make bread and butter pickles!

Plans.

And yes, that was sort of a reference to Death Cab.

So, I'm driving up to Dallas tomorrow after work. It kind of works out nicely because a friend is moving up there and instead of she and her husband driving up two cars, they can drive up one and he and I can drive back together.

I'll be on the road tomorrow, say a little prayer for me :)

and I don't mean to be irreverent at all but I think I might have to make hurricanes this weekend...listen to a little Tina Turner...

Ike-carrumba!

It just gets better. My roomie's family showed up about 3:30 this morning making my total hours of good quality sleep about 4. I finally got to sleep around 5:45, then woke up at 6:15. I nearly called in to work today because my sinuses were simultaneously giving me hell, but I just had two groups today. I don't know if it was the rocking out we did in both groups or the crazy barometric pressure, but my tendonitis is so flaring up to go with my exhaustion, so some pizza, a swig or two of Dr. Pepper, a B vitamin and 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen later, I'm a new woman.

I don't know yet what we're going to do this weekend because I think I counted like 10 sleeping bodies in my house. Part of me wants to get out of this evacuee town and drive to NB, where my dad will still turn 60 on Saturday come hell or high water, literally, where someone else can cook me comfort food and hold the flashlight, but then there's the idea of getting OUT of Austin on Friday at 5pm. Maybe I can Google-maps an alternate route.

Dad's party was cancelled, too. Well, not cancelled, but postponed. It's much like the Arkansas game, really, which sucks for an accumulating list of reasons:

1. That's the same weekend as ACL. I know what you're saying..."Your dad was such an A-hole to you in the past! You should still volunteer!" Yeah, but I wouldn't have fun volunteering if I knew I was letting him down. I'm trying to be Queen of the High Road these days.

Not that it's working.

2. That's ALSO the same weekend of the postponed Arkansas game. I'm sure the volunteer coordinator is going to send me a sparkly reply, considering she's probably getting a million freak out Emails today.

3. So, coming into town in a couple weekends is going to suck because not only are there going to be 100,000+ people in town for the game, IT IS ALSO ACL FEST. It's going to annoy me more than Schlitterbahn on a Saturday.

4. That is ALSO the same weekend of a coworker's bachelorette party. We've scratched the thought of going downtown. I'm still pulling for going to a gay bar and going early, but still. It's going to be CROWded.

I'm also anxious because Kyle's driving down tomorrow morning and I just don't know what the roads and traffic are going to be like and I want him to be safe and not that I'm a HUGE worrier, I'm just...okay fine I'm worried. I need to take a page from Kelli's book and repeat that verse over and over again. To all my friends in Houston and around there, know that I'm praying for strength and peace for you, and you'd better freaking stay in touch.

Ike, you're giving me a headache.

Stress, folks. Stress.

First off, let me say today was a fantastic day at work. I have been in charge of probably the most difficult on-unit groups on the campus. They're just, quite hard to reach, they're so inside their heads, talking to voices, etc. I usually do art & music with the group because it's what the previous teacher (who quit about a month into me working there) had done. I was challenged to do something different with them, so today I brought my guitar and songbook and went to it. It was amazing. Patients who had never participated in class came over, sang, clapped...I was sweating, breathless, speechless. It was one of those days that reinforces my belief in the power of music to change people, even if it's for a little bit. That flash of life I saw today restored my hope. The rest of my groups were fine, the last one especially.

This hurricane has my stomach in knots and I'm not even in Houston. My dad's 60th birthday party that was scheduled for Saturday has been called off, and the Hubs and have been going back on forth on who should go where depending on the weather...he's got Friday off, but...should I be trying to get out of town? No clue. This sucks. Ugh I need some antacid.

Date with Myself

I took myself on a little date to a place called Book People. Before tonight, I had never been and was totally awed and amazed by the little bookstore - why would anyone ever want to go to BN after going here?! I could have spent the entire night in there, and I might actually have to start using it as a study hideaway.

Question - does eating a whole can of black beans in one sitting qualify as emotional eating?

ugh. epic fail.

Well, I was going to post on how I came home to Alan Tudyk's suitcase in my room but then I had to stay up an extra hour past exhaustion because of a recording session on the other side of the house, so I've just been cranky and introspective the last couple days.

In other news, I'm taking over the adolescent girls group at work and there's lots of random fun parties this week :)

Fail.

So Friday was nuts, hence no post, because I was at work all day (wrote an AWESOME song with a kid about a fight he was having with a fellow patient) and then got the most fabulous haircut ever and then got home late and needed a glass (or two...and a half...) of wine and a good movie with K. I didn't do much this weekend, which was good 'cos it's been a heavy couple weeks in which I feel I've really turned a corner...found my niche, my groove, whatever. More about this later.

And, did I TAKE my camera?

Not only is it a Thursday it is the first Thursday of September and therefore First Thursday down on South Congress. I went with Kate the Great and Rq and it was way too fun for words. We had the most AMAZING cupcakes (shout out, Sweet Kel) and folks were giving out free hugs on the sidewalk and I got lots of 'em and realized that I've been aching this week and I think it's for human contact. The Hubs suggested I would fold the first week in Austin because I am such a physical contact kind of girl. I didn't fold, but he's totally right (I mean, shock, right?) and I realized how much I crave that...not SO much from total strangers but just, touch in general. Speaks volumes of course, even if it's just holding hands or sitting close to someone. To me it's really, really soothing, like, that person is sharing their part of existence with you, and it's kind of a big deal in a subtle way.

Something that struck me funny tonight was that you know how...you run into people you sorta knew from college and you have the same conversation:

"Hey!"
"Hey!"
"How ARE you?! What are you doing in Austin?"
"Oh I'm great, just ___________, you know..."
"Yeah I'm just _____________...you know, we should totally hang out sometime, catch up"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah...I'm on facebook so..."
"Yeah I'm totally going to facebook you"
"Sweet"
"Yeah! Well, it was great running INTO you!"
"Yeah you too! Have a great day!"

And then you don't.

What was funnier to me though is like, you know how running into friends from school can be totally awkward? That's just silly! I mean, no matter what the drama was when in school, whether you hated each other or dated her boyfriend, thought the other person didn't like you or whatever...I mean, that stuff was silly back then and it really REALLY doesn't matter now. I've had a lot of "let it go" big neon signs from the universe lately (also, the universe I'm pretty sure was smiling at me today because babies everywhere were smiling at me and one even reached up like -pick me up!- even though I was a stranger...it was mad cute) which has really lifted some weight from me...I was literally walking around Zilker the last couple weeks visualizing myself laying down cute little handbags of resentment, satchels of anger and such. Anyway, just because you think you knew someone 4, 5, 10 years ago doesn't mean you know them now and to hold them to that is really unfair.

But we all do it.

Things I should do

include write a note to a friend, and work on some horrendously late crocheted baby blankets.

But, I'm going to bed.

it's quite a small world, or so I've heard...

Once upon a time there was a woman named Annette who had three daughters: Hilda, Diana, and Nora. They all moved from Laredo to San Antonio where Annette opened a hair salon named, well, Annette's. All the girls worked there. Hilda had one son and then died of kidney failure back when they didn't really have things like dialysis. Diana had two children about 10 years apart, and Nora had two kids, then divorced and remarried, and a baby girl named Christina Dyan. Diana loved on this little girl but unfortunately she was very sick and 7 months after Christina was born, Diana's brain tumor was operated on and she died from a blood clot. Everyone from the neighborhood went to the funeral.

25 years later, Christina gets a phone call from one of her coworkers. "Did you have an aunt named Diana?" Christina nearly spit out her food. Over a previous conversation about growing up in San Antonio, it was discovered that the coworker grew up in the same area as my grandmother, mom, and aunts. She got her hair done by Diana at Annette's. She remembers the funeral.

I wish I could remember my aunt.

I mean it this time...

Okay. Post-a-day. Even if it's boring, "here's what I ate for lunch today."

Last Thursday I drove from Austin to Dallas between the hours of 1 and 4:30am. I do not at all recommend it to anyone unless you have a Jonas Brothers CD and have no qualms about eating Whataburger at 3 in the morning. However, it was well worth waking up twice after I had gotten home, thinking "where AM I? oh wait - home. YES!" and then crashing back out to sleep.

We did a ton of work on the house, less probably than we would have done if I hadn't thrown my stinking back out reaching for a razor from the shower (yes our bathroom is that small and yes I know it makes me sound old that I threw my back out) but I still managed to get two broccoli and one cabbage plant planted, along with starting seeds for cucumbers, poblanos, onions, spinach, and a lettuce mix. I also planted a rosemary bush and some pretty vine with beautiful red flowers from the Fabulous In-Laws. I could finally do all that because we got our fence stained! It's a pretty "redwood" stain but it makes the fence a burnt-orangey colour so of course we love it.

Decorating a house is so awesome but kind of overwhelming. A friend's husband, after seeing her paint, furnish, and accessorize a bathroom said, "I like what you're doing, but, you're decorating the hell out of the smallest room in the house." One has to start somewhere, yes? I think that's why my favorite room in the house right now is the guest bathroom because it is far and away the most finished room in the house. I could go into every room and give a laundry list of the things we want to do (or that I want to do, like paint the laundry room bright pinky red) (pun so intended) but the nice thing is that our house is totally livable and cozy and wonderful and I'm pretty sure K's tired of me telling him how much I love it. I just can't help myself.

We ate a LOT of homemade Mexican food this weekend, and I managed to make a really f'ing hot salsa because the jalepenos fooled me. Earlier this summer, I snagged a pepper from the garden and threw it in some salsa but it wasn't hot so I had to put in a couple more to make it good. Thinking, "hey it's the same plant we'll have the same amount of hotness" I did the same thing. Bad news, friends - ATOMIC salsa. I threw in some avocado, which toned it down a bit but then we had to eat all of it because there was avocado in it.

Back to gardening - in the front of our house we've got a funny little layout where there are beautiful, explosive (at the moment) sage bushes and then some tiny ball shrubby shrubs about two feet away from them, where begonias are planted. Now, I don't know if it's just because begonias make me think of the flea market my parents used to drag me to, but I hate them. One, because you can't see them at all unless you walk right up to them and peek in and two because they don't look like real flowers, all waxy and whatnot. I want a big, beautiful, wild garden - a house in London I stayed at had the smallest space but the most enchantingly mixed-up garden that I hammocked in for HOURS...even slept out there once but then started thinking of Jack the Ripper and quit...and I want one of those. I don't like cookie cutter, I don't even really like grass, and the hubs and I are trying to come to a compromise on that BUT I DIGRESS. We've decided that we're going to rip out the begonias (and probably give them to my grandmother) and then plant strawberries and blackberry brambles.

In sorting my seeds I decided to give at least half of what I had to a fellow novice gardener and it made me think of when people lived mostly on farms and did stuff like that - shared seeds and harvests with each other. It brings people together in a way that modern society with all its texting and online gaming doesn't. Also, sitting outside in the sunshine with my hands caked in dirt, saying prayers for people, starting those seeds became the single most important thing in the world and all the worries of the past week or coming storm of orals, thesis writing, travels, presentations, and graduation (dude like, 3 months.) just rolled right off. And, it's cheaper than therapy.